Sometimes he's weird.
Like today, I don't know how he found me but there he was taking long strides towards me. I thought I was hidden but I guess not because his honey eyes were locked with my dark ones. His skin looked like gold in the evening sun. I wanted to touch him so badly. I wanted him here but at the same time I wanted to bolt so fast he'd think that he imagined my presence here. But I didn't, or couldn't because he stopped directly in front of me behind the bleachers, looking at me giving me his dimpled smile.
"Where were you all day?" He asked. I could feel the concern in his voice and it made my heart flatter. What's the point of running away again?
"Just busy," I shrugged looking back down at my book, "how did you find me?"
He chuckled. He fucking chuckled. Does he do this intentionally or does he just hate me and just wants my heart to burst...
"I know you, and also I followed you," he sat down beside me in the grass and looked off to the distance his sweet husky scent engulfing me, making me feel like am floating, "are you okay?"
"No I'm not, I'm conflicted. I'm so fucking in love with you it hurts. Like even right now my heart is going a million miles a minute and I'm worried it may just burst from my chest. I hate seeing you with you boyfriend. And I feel like I want to run away but it doesn't matter. It never matters how far I am from you my heart is always with you and the emence emptiness I feel when I'm not with you is heavy. I'm going to die. I'm going to die because, I love you and since I started, I don't know how to stop and it's killing me. So I'm gonna die."
That's what I want to say.
"I'm fine," I said plainly instead.
"What are you reading?" He said snatching my book.
"Give it back," I said trying to snatch it away from him.
"Oh my god you're reading romance," he laughed. I leaned over a snatched the book back.
"Shut up asshole, like I haven't seen you cry watching the notebook." I clapped back.
"Hey, you swore you wouldn't bring that up again." He whined and pushed me to the ground hovering over me narrowing his eyes at me.
"I know just don't fuck with me," I said pushing his face trying to get him off. He laughed. And grabbed both my hands and sat on my legs rendering me immobile. He looked in my eyes and I held his gaze. He studied my face and his smile faded he looked sad.
"I miss you," he said sadly, "I know I have been busy with my relationship... Since it started but I do miss you. I mean you're an important person to me and I'm sorry I haven't shown that to you a lot, I'd wish to spend more time with you- please don't cry." He said whipping my cheek.
I was crying? I didn't even notice I was. This is embarrassing. He leaned down and hugged me. I wanted to hug him back. I missed hugging him. But I couldn't, if I touched him, I wouldn't be able to let him go. So I fisted the grass on my sides.
"Get off me." I choked out.
"No! You're crying, I can't." He said hugging me tighter.
"Get off me! Get the fuck off me!" I cried.
He reluctantly obliged. I got up quickly whipping my tears roughly and picked up my book. I turned on my heels.
"Just don't worry about me." I said and sprinted across the football field ignoring him calling my name. I rushed to my locker and picked out my bag. I didn't even bother to check which books I had I just wanted to put distance between us. I hurried off to my car and drove out of school. I ran my hand through my hair frustrated.
I fucked up. What the hell is wrong with me, why couldn't I keep my cool. But how could I when he says such things. Things that speak to my heart like that. I knew he noticed our relationship changed a bit after he got in a relationship but he never said anything but why now? It's been a year of them being together why bring this shit up now? Why couldn't he just ignore my reactions and leave me alone? Why did he have to tell me he missed me why did he have to touch me and be nice to me?
I pulled up to my house and sat in the driveway. My phone kept constantly buzzing but I didn't bother to check. I couldn't bring myself to explain to him why I reacted that way without the truth coming out. I know he'll come here to check on me because that's the kind of person he is and it's one of the reasons I fell in love with him. But I'm tired, emotionally, physically and mentally tired.