#25

It was the start of the autumn festival, which took place on the night of a full moon following the end of summer. Everyone in town was excited and busy preparing for the annual occasion. Markets closed early for the little girls like me, and stalls were put up specifically for the festival, selling yummy food and specially brewed drinks. It was only the last year that there was the first firework in our town, but this year everyone was already expecting and looking forward to it as if this was something that was a 'part of tradition'.

I dressed up in my best dress (still not 'noble' in any way, but at least they weren't like rags) and strolled through the main festival street with my dad. I was enjoying the evening but to be honest, my heart was beating nervously the whole time – will Kooto come back tonight? Unless something happened along the way like a late summer storm or something like that, he should be arriving this evening. Will he come straight to the festival? Or would he be too tired from the journey and come see me tomorrow instead. What did he bring for me as a present from the capital? What was he going to tell me when he sees me again.. was it really going to be a confession?

As I was filled with these thoughts, someone tapped on my shoulder,

"Hey Dori, you having a good evening?"

It was my childhood friend Meto. We always used to play on the field together but not so much these days, firstly because he worked on the field during the day and I was at the market, and secondly because all my free time was now occupied with Kooto.

"Oh hi, long time no see! How's you?"

"I'm fine. You wanna look around together for a while?" – Meto asked me and looked at my dad as if to ask for permission

"You guys go ahead, I will go get some specialty mead!", dad replied with a smile on his face. He doesn't drink often but he did like the festival mead.

"Sure, we haven't hung out together in a long time"

"Sweet! Let's go then"

Then we went around the festival together for a while. I thought it was good to spend some time with my friend again.

"Dori, can I ask something?"

"What?"

"You seem to hang out with that son of the landlord awfully a lot these days"

"Oh.. yes. Is that strange?"

"Yes.. the nobles.., they don't really care for us plebs do they?"

"That's not true at all! We have a great time together and we talk about many things – he's always curious to hear about the way we live"

"He's just playing and leading you on, Dori"

"Hey, what are you talking about?"

"I'm a guy. I can tell. He's just messing with you"

"Stop it. It's not very nice of you to say such things, and you have no idea"

"Do you.. like him?"

I must have blushed instantly as I felt my face was getting hot.

"That's none of your business"

"I knew it. You like this pretentious scum"

"Shut your mouth – you are way out of the line"

"Have you ever thought of me as a guy?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh well, never mind. Sorry I was a bit worked up"

"Why would you be?"

"Dori, you are my good friend. I care for you a lot. Awfully lot. I just didn't want you to get hurt by a bad man"

"Thanks for the care, but c'mon, you don't even know him"

"I guess. Sorry. I was out of line"

"Apology accepted"

Then we walked a little longer, a bit of awkward silence between us, but we go back a long time and it's not the first time we quarreled. Heck, it was just a verbal spat after all. When we were kids we used to actually throw punches at each other, the thought of that made me chuckle a bit.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Ah nothing. I was just thinking about how we used to get in to fight and punch each other when we were young. Now we are just fighting with words – I guess we both grew up a little"

"Haha. That's right. You surely did grow a lot"

"Meh, I'm still too short though, I wish I was a bit taller"

"Nah it's cute for a girl to be short. Anyway, can I buy you a drink to make up for earlier bad?"

"Cool! Sure"

Then Meto gave me a thumbs up and a wink and walked across the crowd to a drinks stall, popping back out shortly with two wooden mugs on his hands.

"It's the Autumn Juice – you've always liked this"

"Thanks!"

"Cheers, and bottoms up!"

The wooden mugs made a blunt sound as we cheered and we both gulped down the juice in one go. Somehow it didn't taste so good, like slightly bitter. Maybe one of the fruits didn't mature so well this year. It's a pity. But I didn't want to comment on it as Meto made the nice gesture of buying them for me.

"Let's get back to my old man. I think he'd be worried if I came back too late"

"Sure"

Then we started to walk back, but after few steps, I felt like I was feeling a bit tipsy. I looked to my side to ask Meto if he feels alright – because we drank the same juice – but I couldn't move my mouth properly and felt like I was only drooling when I was trying to speak. I couldn't even slur.

Meto then looked at me and smiled.

"Are you alright?"

I wanted to say help me Meto, but I really couldn't speak and I felt my knees were giving away.

"Oh, you look awfully unwell. I think you need to have a lie down"

Meto put his arms around me to prop me up and started to walk towards a nearby inn. My feet were just dragging on the stone-paved ground and I could no longer stand straight by myself. What's happening to me? And where is Meto taking me?

I was feeling so dizzy that I can't clearly remember how it happened, but I remembered us entering the inn, Meto giving a few coins to the innkeeper who gave him a slimy grin and a thumbs-up, and then Meto carried me upstairs into a room on his back. He gently laid me down on the bed and just stared at me for a minute, and I was starting to feel a bit better and my mind was clearing up, but my body got worse and I couldn't move myself at all.

"Oh, Dori. I wished our first time would be nicer"

What's got into his head?

"But you left with no option but this. I can't let you be taken by that little fag. He can own everything in this town, but not you. You are mine"

What the fuck is this.

"I'm going to make love to you Dori. Why have you never looked at me as a man, I don't know. Maybe because we've known each other since too young... but now we'll make love and you will see what a man I am.

Oh god no. This fucking piece of shit!

"Once we are done you will be mine forever. No noble fag will take a girl who is not a maiden. Your first time will be me, and you will always be mine"

Please help. Somebody. 

But I still couldn't make any sound. I wanted to scream so bad but nothing could be done.

It was like watching an inevitable horror show, where you knew what was going to happen, you wanted it to stop, but the ultimate moment of the worst nightmare just kept on getting closer. I saw Meto get undressed and walk towards me, stroking his disgusting dick that was already pointing up. This is the worst.

"I know you can't move. I was told the potion will have this effect for a while, but I don't know if you can feel anything while the effect lasts. It would be a pity if you couldn't"

I fucking wish I couldn't. I fucking wish I just died, right here, right now, rather than be taken by this disgusting piece of shit.

Then the inevitable came. He started to undress me, against all my will, and there was absolutely nothing I could do, no way I could resist, I was paralysed as if I was under a witch's spell, it must be the sick potion he must have gotten somewhere and slipped into my drink.

I was now fully exposed. I was dying inside in shame and humiliation, self-pity and rage. I couldn't even move my eyelids to close them. My eyes were getting dry and the tears started to roll out, but I would have cried anyway. Then I felt something horribly disgusting thrust into me. I could feel it and it hurt so fucking much. This is it. It's all over now. I'm fucked. Literally.

I wanted to look away, but Meto was right on top of me. His face was close to mine, looking right into my eyes. It was so disgusting. I wished I could kill him with my eyes. Then he started to hump faster and faster, panting like an animal, and I could feel something grossly warm shoot and squirm into my tummy. This motherfucker. Why did this happen to me. Why. How is such a thing allowed to happen.

After what seemed like an eternity where he just stopped still with his repulsive thing in my body, he finally pulled it out and rolled his body over next to mine, and wrapped his arms around me, fondling my breast. You fucking molester. I will kill you. I swear I will kill you.

"How was it, honey?"

Even his voice felt sticky, like his sweaty body pressed against my naked body.

That's when I heard a loud thumping sound outside the room, and in a very short moment, the door of the room flung open, the lock that kept the door shut getting yanked out of the door frame and flew across the room to smash the window. To my absolute joy and horror, it was Kooto. 

Oh god. He's here to save me. But I can't bear to live with the fact that he's seen me like this. Please. Turn back the time, to the day before all this happened, or even to the day before I met Kooto, or even to the day before I was even born into this fucked up world.

"What… how could you..", Kooto was trembling with rage.

"What's up boy? Why are you disturbing us lovers?", Meto cheekily taunted him with a disgusting smirk on his face.

"How.. how could you.. and I wanted to..", Kooto could barely speak coherently, and his voice was cracking.

"Get outta here little boy. You have no business here"

Just as Meto finished these words, Kooto flashed out a dagger from the inside pocket of his coat and lunged onto the bed. Meto was completely caught by surprise and all he could do was lift his arms up trying to cover his face, which only resulted in a few of his right fingers getting slashed off clean, and he let out a squeal like a pathetic little girl.

"I kill you. I fucking kill you"

Kooto was not done. Just as Meto was grabbing his now mutilated right hand with his left hand, he found the opening and stuck his dagger right into Meto's eye.

"Fuuuuuuck!"

I can't say I felt sorry for this piece of shit. I would have liked to do this to him myself, but it was horribly gory and I wished I could turn my eyes away.

Kooto looked like he was possessed. After he pulled out the dagger from Meto's eye, he lifted the dagger high and plunged it right into Meto's chest. I could hear something crack, maybe the dagger crushed through his ribs. But it wasn't over yet. Kooto pulled out the knife again and went on a mad rampage of stabbing and slashing the fucker, as if to turn him into a pulp.

After the moment of violent madness. It was all over. I was crying inside. I couldn't even feel happy anymore that Kooto came to revenge for me. It was all too late. Now I was ruined. He might have been enraged with Meto, but it didn't change the fact that I was no longer a maiden, I could never be his again. What could have been, the infinite possibility of our future was cruelly destroyed, as much as the cowardly man laying next to me whose corpse no longer even resembled that of a human body.

"Why… how could you do this.."

Kooto then finally turned his eyes on me. I wanted to move my limbs to cover my bare breasts but I still couldn't move myself. I wanted to say something to him although I didn't know what exactly, but I physically couldn't anyway.

"and I thought… I thought we could…"

I know Kooto. We could have been something special. We already had something special.

"How could you cheat on me like this.. what a fool I was.."

What the fuck?

"What a fucking stupid fool I was! And what a fucking stupid shit I prepared!"

Then Kooto took out something small from his inside pocket and threw it down, and it made a metallic clang as it hit the floor. Was this.. a ring? Oh my.. he brought a ring.. he was going to...

"I'm such a fucking idiot! I loved you! I really loved you.. and I thought we could.. even be married – I waited all this time to make tonight a special night"

I'm sorry Kooto..

".. and you betray me like this"

What – hold on,

".. and you can't even speak for yourself – yeah that's right, you know what you did, you got caught red-handed, or more like, with your legs wide open, you fucking slut"

No. Fuck. He's misunderstanding the whole thing.

"I hate you. I fucking hate you"

Please, get your head straight. This is not what you think

"So be it. Let's end it right here. You've got anything to say for yourself?"

I wish I could speak. I wished with all my heart and soul, but I couldn't.

"That does it. You can't even say sorry for the last time. You fooled me all this time while fucking around behind my back"

No!

"Good bye.. Rika….I loved you.."

Then he brought the dagger to my throat and cut it deep from left to right. Kooto – this is wrong. This is just so fucking wrong. I can die. I wished I did when all this disgusting shit was happening. But I can't die misunderstood like this. This is so fucking wrong. So fucking unfair. You really are a fool.

Then everything was fading to black. I heard some more footsteps coming up the stairs. I couldn't see anything anymore. The cut on my throat hurt so much and I felt like suffocating in my own blood. I heard some loud gasps. There must be a small crowd of people in the room or something.

"Master Kooto Biaz. You are under arrest. Please drop your weapon and give yourself up"

I heard a manly voice speak. It must be the town's constable. And I heard the sobbing sound of a lady, which morphed into a barely audible whisper

"Tobi… oh Tobi… what have you done.."

That was it. That's how I died. The first time.