Josh

I wish I could hold things so that I could write a journal. I liked writing down my feelings or events I go through in a journal, it always made me feel relieved in a way.

I do get angry at my life sometimes, or all the time now to be honest. I deserved none of this, I don't consider myself as a bad human being either. I was mischievous but never unkind so why did this have to happen to me? Why is life so unfair? Out of seven billion people, why me?

I had so many questions and confusions inside my mind that could never really be cleared until I was the old me again. Was that ever possible?

Everything happened too fast, too unexpectedly that I didn't even know how to react in the first place. I still get chills when I think about the first time I realized I wasn't the same anymore.

It was just a usual day for me then. I was having fun with my homies. Trying to live my life in the best possible way I could.

I was at a party. Flirting with random chicks and getting boozed out. I was enjoying the loud music and seeing pretty faces. Relishing all the moves made by the pretty body in front of me.

How I miss the sound of the loud music, the look of the lights blazing the dance floor, people dancing away their stresses and the sound of the laughter filling the room. I even missed the look of the sign board outside the club.

It was the life I chose to live and I never regretted it. It made me forget all the unfortunate events I had to go through.

My mom and dad were the only family I had but Unfortunately, they left me too soon. Two years ago, they got into an accident and couldn't stay with me. Even if I wanted them to. Even if I begged them to.

It still hurts me to realize that I would never have them back. I thought nothing could get worse than losing them until I lost myself too.

I never felt so hopeless and worthless in my life. Most of all, I never thought any of this would ever happen. It just gets more disappointing every second. I never felt peace after what happened to me. I just don't know what worse might happen the other moment.

I was so blank when I woke up and found out I wasn't in my room and somewhere else. I felt a little dizzy and everything looked a blur.

I freaked out when I stood up and looked at the floor. I could see my own body lying on the floor. Every part inside me broke and I could do nothing but feel so miserable.

I didn't get what the hell was happening and what was wrong. I thought I lost it all. I thought I was dead and I never could be alive again.

And then, something even more weird happened. I was blinded by something so bright that I couldn't even open my eyes and then an old man appeared. He told me that he was my spirit guide and that it wasn't my time to leave the world. He said I had to get back into my body to come alive again.

It felt like a dream too but he disappeared after just saying that. After few minutes, it felt like something exploded and when I could open my eyes again, I was outside the house. After having enough sense to see straight, I remembered the words that old man said.

I immediately tried to go inside the house but to my surprise, it was locked. It had a big glass lock and when I tried to grab it, I could not get the hold of it. It was like, I was just air or something.

I even tried talking to the people passing by trying to get help but no matter how much I tried to talk to them, they couldn't hear me and see me either. I didn't know what to do.

I tried going back home thinking that I might get some clue but I came to know it was locked and my aunt wasn't there. She was the only family I had and she was someone I could go to talk to but she wasn't there.

She wouldn't have seen me either so it would have been of no use but still, I would mind trying. Anything could happen.

It had been few days and I was alone, simply thinking about my life as I leaned on the big old tree that was near the house.

Then I saw a girl approaching, it seemed like she was looking at me and it seemed like she could see me.

I kept on looking at her, hoping that she was really looking at me. Hoping she would come and talk to me. And then, that just happened!

She talked to me and I was too stunned that she did. I had to ask her if it was me that she was talking to and when she said yes, I just lost it. I was too happy that she could see me.

I screamed my lungs out, out of happiness and I guess it was just a wrong thing to do because when I looked at the girl's direction, she was already starting to run. I asked her to stop, I was shouting as she ran but it was too late. She already reached her house.

There was something different about this girl. She could see me when the rest of the people couldn't.

So I decided to go inside her house and talk to her. I know it would make me look like a creep but I had no other option. She could be the only way since she was the only person who could see me.

I waited for her in her room. As soon as she entered the room, she was so shocked to see me that she screamed like she just saw a ghost. Well, I was one but not yet. I was still a spirit and she doesn't know that. I was horrified by her scream that I just had to keep staring at her. I knew in the moment that it wouldn't be easy getting a help from her.

After looking at me for couple of seconds, she fainted. Now that scared me. I quickly got down on my knees and checked if she was breathing, I was so relieved when she was.

I waited for her to wake up, I couldn't do anything as I had no idea what I should be doing.

She finally moved a little and I knew she was coming back to her senses. When she did, she started getting up and I wanted to help her but I didn't dare to as I didn't want to scare her again.

She noticed me and we eventually got talking. It was hard to explain but I knew it would be all worth it.

When she finally agreed to help me, I was over the moon. I felt so happy and peaceful.

She gave me a feeling that I could get a chance to live again. She became my hope.

I gazed at her and almost got lost in her beautiful brown eyes. I figured I did enough talking with her for the night.

I couldn't help smiling at her for she had a pleasant aura. I knew I had to leave before I gave her a compliment that she wouldn't appreciate getting from a stranger she just met.