"I don't give a shit," he grunted, pressing the glans against David's entrance.

That was when David felt hot and cold at the same time. He would probably pass out. Good thing, he thought. Like that he would not witness the spectacle and, with a little luck, would simply drown in a shower puddle.

There were steps. Splashing across the wet floor. Someone ran across the tiles with bare feet.

"What the hell -" one of the big guys murmured as he was already toppling over. Antonio pulled himself away from David, as did the other big guy. David turned his head as fast as he could and saw James punching them in the face with his bare fist. You could see his muscles pulsing through the half-open bathrobe. Every vein was visible on his arm.

Antonio couldn't react as quickly as James struck. The two big guys were also on the floor, holding their jaws. Blood dripped onto the floor.

One of the guys pulled out a spring knife and heaved to its feet.

"Oh, I love that," James chuckled full of adrenaline, grinning at the guy who came at him hell for leather; the knife willingly stretched forward. David was still on the ground, but he stretched his leg out quick-thinkingly and brought the attacker down.

James laughed out loud when the knife blade slipped into the guy's hand and he cried out.

"Very nice!" he cheered, kicking the other guy with enormous force. There was an uncomfortably loud crack and the man fell unconscious on the floor.

David's heart was pounding so loud that he could only hear a rustling in his ears. Antonio got up and snatched the knife from his bodyguard's hand. He cried out, but remained there. Instead, Antonio tried his luck with David.

“You bastard! You traitor!” he shouted, running towards him. David dodged - more accidentally because the floor was so slippery - and let Antonio run against the wall. In the corner of his eye he saw James grab the other big guy and hurled him against the wall. Unfortunately, he dragged James with him so that he fell against the shower regulator. Holding his chest in pain, he remained in his position for a moment.

The guy’s groan grew louder as he tried to stand up and kicked James's leg with full force. He went down and gasped loudly. Antonio grabbed the knife again and ran towards David. With more luck than brains, David ducked and did what the big guy had done to James: pull him aside. Without thinking too much, he rammed him against the shower regulator with his chest. Antonio screamed and went to the floor. He gasped but didn't get up. The knife slid over the floor to James, who grabbed it and stabbed the guy in the leg. For that he got a punch in the face.

The guy pulled out the knife as if nothing had happened. James, on the other hand, groaned in pain on the floor and crawled away as best he could. He grinned nonetheless like a cheeky villain in the guy’s face. “You shouldn't have pulled the knife out. Now you're now bleeding to death,” he laughed manically, holding his bleeding mouth.

Armed with the knife, he approached James. “I'll still make it to the infirmary. You won’t.” He jumped to James, who was fighting him in a pool of blood and water. The knife was about to hit his body.

David only saw James gasp and fight for his life. Eventually he discovered the plastic knife lying on the floor. Not far from the two.

He grabbed it, ran to the big guy and stabbed it in his throat. It broke off, but the tip got stuck in his skin. The blood spurted on James, who was tormented by the weight of the guy.

Suddenly the chunk went motionless to the ground. Blood spread. James crawled out from under him.

"James," David breathed, dropping the remaining piece of plastic knife. "Are you okay?"

"So-so," he laughed, however, and held his chest. "The guy had a lot of strength."

David grabbed his helper and pulled him completely out from under the guy. He bled slowly and was finally passing out. He was going to die.

Just like the other one. David looked around and blinked in the direction of the man James had killed. Probably broken the backbone.

"He's still alive," whispered James as he sat up carefully. His black bathrobe was covered in blood. Only now did David realize that James had come here for a shower as always. Only with a bathrobe. No weapons. Nothing. Why was he so unprepared?

"No, he's dead," David corrected in a calm tone, although he was far from calm inside.

"I mean Antonio," James breathed, pointing to David's tormentor with bloody fingers. In fact, he was still lying on the floor with his eyes open and sniffing.

David put an arm around James so they both could walk a few steps. Antonio was lying on his back amid a pool of blood from his protector, trying to breathe. His eyes went panicked to James and David, who were just staring at him.

"He can't breathe," David said, watching Antonio's eyes turn red.

"Yeah," James breathed, who had an arm around David’s shoulder. His nose touched David's cheek gently. “You probably broke a couple of his ribs when you rammed him against the shower control. A bone has probably pressed into the lungs.”

"Probably," David said flatly, just watching Antonio choke. It was a very uncomfortable feeling to watch a man die. But David felt no empathy for him. So he didn't do anything. In addition, they already had two bodies here. What would a third one do?

It was probably James’s thought too, because he just continued to hang in David’s arms and stared at his face. Not Antonio. No, just at David.

After an unbearably long minute, Antonio finally froze.

"He should leave you alone now," James laughed softly and finally let go of David. He limped cautiously to the wall and sat next to Antonio's body. “You showed him properly how not to deal with you. I'm proud of you, David.”

"We killed three men," he said, straightening up a little. His bones hurt. His skin was irritated. He would have liked to cover his naked body. "That will have consequences."

"Maybe," James said calmly, leaning his head against the wall. His grin widened. “You are pretty calm. I didn't think you’d be.”

David didn't answer at first, but stared at Antonio's body.

“You look worried, but not excited. It wasn't your first time fighting, but you haven't had any real experience either. I wonder -"

"I have alexithymia," David interrupted tonelessly.

James blinked and lost his smile. "Excuse me, what?"

David tore his eyes away from Antonio's body and looked at James. “I am emotionally blind. It is difficult for me to express emotions ... or to recognize them.”

Blue eyes widened. "Oh! That explains a lot."

David frowned. "Does it?"

James smiled a particularly sweet smile. “Any normal person would have been far more afraid. Both to meet me alone in a shower and to drag Antonio into a shower with two tall men. Above all, no one would have approved my plan. After only two days.”

"I had faith in our plan ..."

"Above all, you trusted me," James growled as he tried to get up. David helped him by supporting his arm. "I am very honoured."

He smiled again in David's direction and put an arm around his neck.

"I admit that I was in doubt for a moment as to whether you'd come at all," David admitted, while James’ thumb brushed his jaw gently.

"Justified doubts," James grinned. “Another guy might not have come to help you. That's how people are here. But you piqued my interest. So why not help you? It was fun.”

David didn't really know what part of their massacre should have been funny, but James seemed to have had a very special sense of humour. In general, he didn't look quite normal. But more normal than the rest of the inmates.

"Thanks," David said finally.

Blue eyes blinked and James' smile faded.

"That you helped me. You got injured quite badly.”

Suddenly James didn't seem to be able to find any words. He toggled eye contact between David's eyes as if he didn't know which eye to focus on to find an answer.

When nothing happened after several seconds and James was just hanging in David's arms, he looked around furtively eventually. "I'll take you to the infirmary and I'll take care of the bodies."

"What are you going to do with them?" James asked curiously, slowly straightening up. His hands slipped on David's chest. And stayed there.

"I honestly don't know," David admitted, his lips pressed together. "Putting them somewhere? At least the crime scene can be cleaned well.”

Then James laughed again in his old way. “God, I love you, David. You are such a sweetheart.”

David looked at him with wide, confused eyes.

"You have my humour," James joked, patting David's chest. “I'll take care of the bodies. Do not worry."

“You take care very often when it comes to things like this. Let me guess: this is not the first time you've let corpses disappear.”

James eyed him again with great interest. As if he was trying to read something in David's eyes. "Nobody with a clear mind would ask me that because they were afraid of the answer."

"You heard that I'm a special case."

"Yes, I have. You don't always make wise decisions, but you make them with conviction…” James murmured, fascinated by his opposite, and stroked David's cheek.

The moment was over before David could wonder why he allowed such touches at all.

"Get dressed, handsome man," James said, pointing to David's clothes that were still on the other side of the shower room. Thank God they weren’t covered in blood and water. “Go back to your cell. I let Hank know that I need to fix something here. And then I can only hope you’ll find some sleep tonight.”

"Why shouldn't I?" David asked, pulling on his uniform and collecting the remains of his underpants from the floor.

“For many, the first murder is more like…” James needed to think for a moment, “Let's say uncomfortable. Even if they wanted to kill, the image of the dead is still burned into the cornea. It will probably stay with you for some time.”

David stopped moving for a moment. Then he turned to James and stared into his blue eyes, which looked at him pitifully.

"It wasn't my first murder," David corrected, looking at Antonio. “I killed my ex-wife. That is why I am here."

But James only smiled wearily, as if he was stamping the statement as a lie. David wondered what had betrayed him. “Good night, David. Sleep well and ... don't worry about the bodies. I'll take care of them for you.”

David stopped at the door. “At some point you will ask me a favour, won't you? You're not doing this out of charity.”

"You're right," James agreed, approaching David one last time. “I'll come to you at some point and ask for something. But not now. Maybe someday. Right now, I'm just enjoying your presence. And it would be a shame if it were lost in an isolation cell.”

He gave David a kiss on the lips and finally pushed him out of the shower.

As David walked down the empty, somewhat dark hallway, he checked the clock. It had been just 20 minutes since Antonio got him out of the cell.

20 minutes and he had three lives on his head.

David's knees trembled again when he finally reached his room. Tucker's face was white as a sheet. David must have looked like that too, because for the first time Tucker stretched out his arms and hugged him. David usually hated foreign hugs, but at that moment it felt good to be surrounded by so much muscles. They gave him the support he needed for that moment.

Maybe James had been right: the first murder was uncomfortable. Especially because David - just like James - called it the first murder. As if some would follow.