"What did you want to ask me?" It seemed she always got straight to the point.
"You said that you are shapar for me and Lorien, right?" She nodded. "And Lorien said that your main job is to make sure that things are always proper between us." Again she nodded. "I guess what I'm asking is... are there any rules that you think I should know about? Any big things that I should avoid? Any advice at all that you could give me?" Varen looked at me for a long time. Finally she spoke.
"The very fact that you've asked me this is proof enough that I should not be concerned with regards to my duty as shapar. I thank you for that. I can see that you are quite aware of what being chaste means, and I'm sure that you will not overstep those bounds." I ducked my head at her praise. Then I sighed.
"I think that you would make a better Aliel to Lorien than I ever-"
"Do not say such a thing!!!" Varen nearly hissed at me, showing more emotion than I'd ever seen in her countenance.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! You see, this is what I mean! I could say or do something horribly wrong at any time!" Varen took a couple deep breaths, calming visibly.
"No, I am sorry. I should not have snapped at you like that. You are just ignorant, through no fault of your own."
"Please, help my ignorance. Teach me." I was desperate for someone to tell me all the things I needed to know. I didn't know how else I was going to make it through this.
"What do you want to know?"
"What did I say that upset you?" Varen sighed.
"It is very... disrespectful, to talk about switching Aliels."
"I only meant that you already knew everything, that you would make a better match than me."
"No, I wouldn't."
"But... you two seem so close. Haven't you ever thought about it?"
"No, I haven't. I met Lorien when we were both still children. We grew into ourselves together, joined the elven forces together... Yes, we are close. But not in the way that he and you are meant to be close. I knew the first time I saw Lorien that I was not his Aliel. I know that someday I will find my own Aliel, and everything will be as it should. The Alushaliel is one of the oldest forms of magic known to this world. It can happen at the most... interesting of times. But it only happens once. I... worry, that you do not understand this."
"I am trying to..."
"I know you are. But I will not tell you that I don't have some concerns. It is different for you. Humans are so changeable. You see someone one day, and you are immediately attracted to them. But it could be that they see nothing in you. Or you have known them for a very long time, and you suddenly realize that you are 'in love'. It is not so for elves..."
"I am concerned that you do not realize the sacredness of the Alushaliel. That you do not know the finality of it, at least for Lorien. There can be no other. You are his Aliel, and nothing can or will change that. He has pledged his life to you. I hope that you come to understand all of this. I hope you understand that Aliel is the highest form of endearment among elves. It is deeper than love, more powerful than passion. It is destiny, fate. Magic. And it cannot be broken."
We sat in silence for what seemed like forever. Varen was right. I didn't understand all the implications of the Alushaliel. I felt inadequate, and decidedly unworthy. He has pledged his life to you. Very unworthy.
Finally, Varen spoke again.
"I apologize if I have offended you, Claresa."
"No, no, you haven't offended me. Only given me much more to think about."
"Do you have any more questions for me?"
"No, not right now."
"Then, may I ask you a question?"
"Of course," I said, a bit nervous.
"This matter of asking for your hand... I know talking about it before upset you, and I do apologize, but if you and Lorien are to move forward with the bonding in the future, we must know how this is to be done." I debated with myself about telling her. Did I want to be bonded to Lorien? What an insane idea. But then I thought of him and his captivating eyes, and I just said it.
"Since both of my parents are... gone, it falls to Lord Calieg, the Baron of Splethantown, to grant permission. We would have to request an audience."
"I see. Well, Claresa, I understand that you will need more time to process everything. But rest assured, Lorien will do whatever is necessary for your happiness. He will not force you. It is entirely your choice whether or not to accept him. However, I do hope that you will consider all that I said earlier."
"I will. Thank you for answering my questions."
"Of course."
We both stood and went back down the stairs and into the shop. I again took one of her hands in my own and was rewarded with another rare smile. "Thank you again, Varen."
"It is my pleasure. I hope you know," she continued, "that I am here equally for you and for Lorien."
"I... don't understand," I admitted. I didn't understand much these days.
"Is there any kind of message you would like for me to give him? I am not averse to acting as messenger in his absence."
"Oh, no, don't trouble yourself."
"It is no trouble at all," she assured me. I thought for a moment.
"If you could just tell him... that I look forward to when I see him next." It was the truth. It was captivating, just being in his presence. And despite all of the doubts that floated around in my head, I hoped against it that these elves were telling me the truth.
"Very good. And I look forward to when I see you again as well. Good day, Claresa."
"Good day, Varen." And she was gone.
The rest of the day went by very fast, perhaps because I had a lot on my mind. At dinner Adeem asked why only Varen had come that day, and I told him that Lorien had some things to attend to.
"Avoiding me, more like. Ow!" Renai had swatted him rather severely that time. "I'm only joking! Though I do still want to have that talk."
"Oh, just leave it be!" Renai said, exasperated.
"I just want to be sure that Claresa isn't going to be left at the altar, that's all," Adeem said, still joking.
"I don't think you'll have to worry about that," I said, thinking back on everything Varen had said.
"Then you've rejected him?" Renai asked, and Adeem's face turned serious as well.
"No...I don't know. It seems the more they tell me, the more jumbled up I get..."
"Well, maybe you just need more time to think, dear," Renai said, patting my hand. More time did sound good. But then I remembered something Lorien had said. How much longer do I have to wait? He'd said it in such a depressed tone. I didn't want to make him unhappy.
But why did I feel that way? I barely knew him. Why was I worried about his happiness? I was more confused than ever.
That night as I lay awake, listening to the sound of the rain hitting my window, thinking yet again. I decided that for once I wouldn't think about everything that could go wrong, but about everything that could go... well, the way the elves said it would go.
I could accept that the Alushaliel was real, and that it had claimed Lorien and I. First Lorien would have to gain permission for my hand. That could take weeks, or even months, depending on how many people were ahead of us in seeking an audience with Lord Calieg. After permission was obtained, then would be the bonding, I supposed. I had no idea what that entailed, but I assumed it would be much like any marriage ceremony.
And then... what? Lorien said that I would join his clan and go with him. I may be the first human to enter elven land since the Great War of the Races. And then... we would live happily ever after, as all the tales say.
For some reason, it was quite relaxing to think in this way. It was as if I hadn't a care in the world. Perhaps what I had felt when I first met Lorien was the Alushaliel, and it was chipping away at my doubts and worries. That night I drifted off to sleep rather peacefully.
Comments (0)
See all