A persistent knock at my door woke me up. The knocking in my dreams had not been part of the dream. I had planned to work out and ignore the world, the only exceptions being anyone who lived with me. Natalia was not on that list since she had bailed on me the past few weekends, but I could hear her trying to open my bedroom door from my spot curled up under my covers.

When it seemed like she wouldn’t give up, I got up to open the door, the blankets clutched around my shoulders. “Good morning to you too,” I said when she just barged past me, brown curls bouncing. “What are you doing here so early?” I asked.

“I had a great night, and I wanted to spend my equally great morning with my best friend who had me standing outside her bedroom knocking like a psychopath, while she was in here talking to herself,” she shrieked in one breath.

“I was probably talking in my sleep. Are you calm?” I asked.

Suddenly, she broke out into a smile. “I feel great!” she said. “A little sore but I feel wonderful. I’m glowing, aren’t I?” she bragged.

“Oh, now I get it,” I said with a slight grimace. I wasn’t a prude, but Natalia and I didn’t talk about stuff like that, so it was odd whenever she dropped it in conversation. “You got laid last night.”

Natalia didn’t believe in commitment. She had watched every relationship around her fall apart, including her parents’ and her first one. Apparently, she got together with this boy, gave him her all after two weeks of being together, and he broke up with her in an embarrassing scene. Since then, after she pulled herself together, she vowed never to be used like that again.

I understood what she went through, so I didn’t judge when she told me. It was how she coped with everything and I knew better than to talk her out of it. I could only hope she was being safe. She did make me jealous sometimes. There was a part of me that envied how free she was. She knew who she was and wanted to be and she was living her best life. I, however, didn’t even have a clue what I wanted to do in the present.

“Yes!” she screamed and fell backwards onto my bed. “He was great, and I don’t regret any moment of it. If I knew he was going to be that good, I wouldn’t have agreed to just one night. What did you do last night?”

“Umm…” I drew a blank trying to remember. “I uh…” What did I do last night?

Leanne and I came back late after going to the spa and seeing a movie, and after hanging out with the boys for a bit, I went up to my room and… blank. I didn’t remember anything that could have happened after walking into my room. It wasn’t even a blur. The memories were simply not there.

“Nina?”

I was called back to the present where Natalia was looking at me expectantly. “I just went to bed early. What are you doing here so early?” I said trying to change the subject. I couldn’t remember anything. This had to be another symptom of psychosis. First the hallucinations, and now I was losing time.

“I want to take you out to breakfast,” she said sitting up. “Get your ass changed so we can go,” she commanded. “The sun is out but it’s kind of chilly outside. I’m going to raid your fridge if you don’t mind.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said with a mock salute as she left the room.

I kept in mind that Natalia was sensitive to the cold when I chose my outfit. She was born and raised in Florida and hated the cold. If it dropped below seventy degrees Fahrenheit, she complained. I, on the other hand, wasn’t sensitive to the cold and what she called chilly was warm to me.

I took out a pair of ripped jeans I hadn’t worn in a while. There were a lot of things in my drawers and closet I no longer wore and honestly, a cleanout was way overdue. I got a lot of free clothes. Adding to my frequent trips to the mall and browsing on my favorite stores’ apps, I was looking at an overflowing closet and stuffed drawers. Without a doubt, there were things I had that I hated, would not wear, or needed to be tossed mixed in with all the clothes I loved.

Ignoring the mess of my closet, I promised myself I would get to it another weekend when I had more time. Unwilling to shift through my clothing for something less boring, I settled for a black bodysuit, a bomber jacket, and plain white sneakers to wear with my jeans. A white crossbody bag was the first my hand touched in the tangled mess of long-strapped bags in a corner of my closet, so I went with that also, along with a plain white pair of sneakers.

If I didn’t wear a uniform to school, I knew my closet would be in better shape, but it was just so easy to wash, iron, and put on the same clothes week after week.

Natalia and I hadn’t spent much time hanging out together since senior year started. She was always busy with her other friends, and even if she invited me out, I’d have some excuse for her. It wasn’t a surprise that she stopped asking after a while because she knew my excuses were bullshit. It was even more surprising to me that she stopped by to take me out for breakfast.

We went to a small restaurant near where Leanne and I had gone for our classes the day before. While we were talking, I realized I hadn’t told Natalia about Daniel yet. I wasn’t trying to be a bad friend by hiding things from her, but I already knew how she’d react. She would say I was stupid for inviting a stranger into my room. She would tell me I needed to stay as far away from him as possible. I was afraid of telling her for more than her reaction. Natalia wasn’t the best at keeping secrets. By the time Monday came around, more people would know about the situation than I was comfortable with.

“So, what were you saying?” I asked. Zayne had called when he couldn’t find me at home. I’d forgotten to tell him I was leaving, but in my defense, I hadn’t known he was awake.

“You should come with me to dye my hair today. I’ve been meaning to go a shade lighter. And after, we can do something you want to do.” She flipped her medium brown curls over her shoulder and looked at me intently.

“I’m going to get my hair trimmed while you get yours dyed. Then I’ll have to go home. I have a shoot on Wednesday.”

“Sucks to be you,” she mumbled. “Hey, why don’t you invite Damian and Daniel to the shoot?” she asked suddenly with her upper lip covered in whipped cream from the hot chocolate she was drinking. I wiped my lip to make sure I didn’t look the same and motioned for her to wipe hers while I stifled a laugh. It was surprising that she was drinking hot chocolate. She got so obsessed about her weight sometimes that I worried. “Anyways, they’re our friends, and I bet they’ve never really seen your pictures. They’d be drooling over you if they knew you were so popular.”

“Natalia-”

“Say yes,” she demanded pointing a perfectly manicured finger at me.

“Nat-”

“Say yes, or I’ll ask them myself and then you won’t have a choice.”

“Do I have a choice now?” I asked. I felt uncomfortable having anyone else on set with me. I was always nervous and couldn’t quite be myself because I felt like they would be scrutinizing my every move. I would rather every see the finished product than it in the making. Not only that, but I wanted to come off as professional as possible and carting my friends onto every set with me didn’t scream professionalism.

“I’ll ask them myself, and then we can all go.”

“Who says you’re coming?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Haha, you’re so funny,” she replied sarcastically. “Of course, I’ll be coming. It’s my job as your best friend to come and support you. I’m just glad that I’ll have something to do, which means I need to shop!” she exclaimed, putting money down to pay for our breakfasts. I got up with her and took up my jacket that I had taken off and set down beside me in the booth. The day had been warm, but the wind was cool.

We went to the mall to buy enough clothes to fill half a wardrobe for Natalia because, according to her, it was necessary for a surprise she had yet to tell me about. I picked up one thing and that was because I could never walk into the mall and resist the call of macarons. Even if I was supposed to be on a diet. After trailing behind her for an hour holding six shopping bags – all of which belonging to her – we went to the salon to get our hair done.

I regretted not taking my own car. I wanted to have been home by noon to get a good run in before it got dark. There was homework I had been procrastinating on and I needed to get my grades up within the month or exams were going to bring me down at the end of the semester.