"Are we keeping secrets now?" Topher asked, his obodo oyinbo (abroad) accent being conspicuous.
I frowned, shaking my head and not feeling not ready at all. I felt so free, like I could tell him and nothing bad would happen. But also, I owed no one any coming out words or moment. I didn't reply as we kept on walking, slipping into a heavy silence. But, we didn't separate our hands, which meant we hadn't entered the full fight zone.
Inoma had gone quiet, her hands cold. Like, she was scared sort of. But, her face held no emotions as she kept looking straight.
Topher's face looked like nothing had happened at all. And that was what he was fond of doing, acting like he wasn't affected by whatever transpire or transpired between up. But, that always meant he was offended and wasn't happy at all.
My mind was racing. I didn't know if I was scared, but I was panicking kind of. I didn't know if it was right to tell him or if I was strong enough to tell him. Wait! I am strong. I am Celia Davis. So, I cleared my throat and said, "I like women."
They both didn't respond, causing me to feel like a fool after my internal battle and then resolution. I sighed, letting my shoulders fall and causing us to stop a tad far from the entrance opposite the Chapel. "It's not something I feel so strong about being open about. No matter how much I trust you guys and want to share everything about me with you guys, it's just so hard," I said, feeling myself beginning to melt down. It was like I had gone through this whole process in my head, that had gotten me to feel so worn out. "Here, it is not something to be proud of. Because, I apparently have a spiritual problem and is being controlled by something. It's horrific and scary to just open up about something like that." A tear slipped from my left eye, making me want to break down. It was like I began to crumble from within. "I just wake up one day and realize I am attracted to the same gender, it's saddening. After being told the gospel truth all my life, I-" I lost my words, opening and shutting my mouth as my tears began to flow. "I'm an abomination," I finally muttered.
It was the first time I was really letting myself settle and think about my feelings towards Fareedah. How contradicting it was. How illicit it was.
"Oh dear," Topher said, pulling me into a hug. "You are no abomination, Stupid. You are still the angel you are."
I didn't reply him as I hugged him back, resting my head on his firm chest.
"I'll go make our orders and try to get it," Inoma said and excused us, walking to the restaurant.
I stayed on Topher's chest, crying silently, while he rubbed clockwise at my back.
After a while of me simply crying and Inoma not arriving, I stood straight, clearing my throat and cleaning my eyes as I looked around, everywhere seeming so foreign. "So, that's it," I said to Topher. "I'm a lover of women."
He smiled. "Okay ma. I get the gist."
I nodded, avoiding his eyes.
He chuckled. "Honestly, I wouldn't have thought. I really just thought you that independent girl who doesn't need a man. Or maybe because of that your first and only relationship. So…"
I shrugged. "I still like men though, it's kind of like a dual stuff," I told him.
"I don't know yet, I haven't really settled down and paid attention to it."
He nodded. I looked beyond his shoulders, letting us almost slip into silence, but Topher still had more to say. "I don't think it is a thing to be ashamed of. No, I'm not saying you have to come out and tell the whole world. Living in a place like this, it's even more advisable to keep it a secret. Tell no one. Well, except Inoma and me." He shrugged. "But still, you're not an abomination and shouldn't hate yourself for that. I still love and cherish you like I had always been. You're still my bestie, and that doesn't change a thing between us." He pulled me back into a hug, kissing my forehead and making me smile.
It was like there was a storm within me I was battling with, and his words simply calmed them down.
"You too like hard guy," he muttered at the top of my head, making me smile." Don't worry ehn, I'll help you and chase all those guys away ehn? I'll always be your fake boyfriend." He pulled me away a bit, pecking my lips.
I smiled and smacked his arm, looking away. But, I didn't get to savour the moment before my eyes jammed Jason. Ugh gosh, why is that dude appearing to be everywhere. Thinking about it sef, I have seen him at my hostel front a couple of times when I came down to buy something. That's just so creepy, ugh.
He smiled from where he was standing not far from the Korede Spaghetti front, with some guys. I simply nodded and smiled, politely turning away. But, Topher had already turned to look at him. "Who is that?" he asked.
"Some guy who was disturbing me," I told him. "But, told him I was betrothed and it was a spiritual stuff sha. He sha back down."
"Bad guy. You're still giving these guys hot hot."
I chuckled. "Well, I told him I had a boyfriend and he still didn't listen. So, gave him what he obviously wanted."
Topher laughed, bending a bit as Inoma arrived with two white nylons and three takeaway. "Food," she said, raising the nylon up.
"Yay," I said happily, grabbing the nylon with two take-aways from her hand. "I'm famished." I groaned.
"Let's sha get to the hostel before you start eating oh," Inoma said, making me chuckled.
"Abegi," I replied, causing all of us to laugh.
We had already gotten to the front of my hostel, when Topher asked, "Wait oh. Who triggered this realization?"
I frowned, so did Inoma. "Ehn? Gini? (What?)" I asked, bending my left hand like to say I didn't know.
"The whole Gay thingy," he explained, causing us to nod.
"She is fine die. Omalincha (beautiful)," Inoma said, kissing her finger tips and bringing them up as a kissing noise escaped her lips.
"Eh ehn. You're telling me that ehn, Cee has eyes when it comes to women?" Topher peppered her, boosting her and seeking more.
She nodded. "And ehn if you see her shape ehn. Slim and sexy. Chai, she can make an iron rod bend, just by walking by. Chim. My eyes almost fell out," she whined, making funny gestures.
"Chai if someone had told me tha-" Topher had started, but I quickly cut him off.
"Chim, ano m ebe a o. (My God, I am here oh). Why are you people talking like I am not here?" I asked, standing akimbo, drawing both their gazes at me.
They hissed and turned away like I hadn't spoken seconds ago, going back to their talk. "And then you needed to see her heroic display," Inoma began, making me sigh.
"Tell me about it."
I didn't let her reply as I jacked her right arm and began to pull her towards the hostel. "Na-aga (Be going)," I told Topher as I pulled her away smiling.
He chuckled. "Bye bye oh."
"Bye my husband," Inoma told him as she tried to wave with her left hand, laughing.I smiled, feeling relieved.