Read late night thoughts :: It's the holy hour-

I don't think you realize how much it hurts or how sad or mad or confused or worried i get when you don't say anything for days at a time. It hurts me to not be able to know if you're doing ok or if you're even alive. I don't know if you're saad or mad with me or if you just need some space or if you're in trouble because you don't saything before hand and i hate the way i get when i can't know what you're going throught because you always talk to her about everything and never me. You don't come to me for help you go to her. You spend more time with her. God it fucking kills me that I cant mean as much as she does to you. I just want you to feel like you can come to me for anything and everything you need at anytime. I never do anything, I'm always here. I'll always be here. I just want you... I really hope you don't figure out this is for you because your whole view of me would be fucked up at that point. I've been really hoping that you're ok bc you don't talk to me about the things that are happening to you. When i ask you just avoid the question and redirect the conversation. Why wont you let me in, why wont you let your walls down and let me help you woth your problems?? is it becasue you don't think i can handle it? I know you've been through a lot and that you're not ok so why do you act as though you are. it kills me to see you like this. I hate it. I want to see you happy, I want to see you succesful, I want to see you just ok. Not say that you are but actually are.

Sometimes I can't tell if you're actually pissed with me or if you're just playing.. So ig that's why you don't really talk to me abt anything and i get that. You don't know how much i care abt you and love you but i brush it off as a bro thing bc i dont want you to know. I cant tell if this is a bro thing or if i actually like you.. like, like like you. I can't tell anyone about this either bc they might tell you and i can't risk that. You'd be smart enough to figure it out if you take the time to read this.. idk if you do or not.