Chapter 13
-Kirrill-
Wesley is my best friend, but for some reason…he’s been much more distant recently. I know that he’s busy, hence why he’s declined a few of my invites to hang out, but now we’re hardly even talking at all.
I miss him.
I know Kat does too.
But Wesley doesn’t talk to her, not like he does to me. He’ll greet her, he’ll ask the customary ‘how are you’ questions but we all know he’s not asking because he wants to.
It hurts to see Kat upset, but I just have to keep reminding myself that this is Wesley’s choice, and that this is what is best for him. It isn’t selfish to look after yourself first. That’s just self-care.
“Have you still not heard anything?”
Turning to look at Kat, I shake my head. “No, I don’t know why he hasn’t replied yet…he never normally takes longer than a day to reply,” I say a little dejectedly. Rolling her eyes, Kat elbows me in the ribs.
“Not Wesley; I know he’s all you think about day in and day out but I meant Miroslava, the woman who’s going to help us.”
Feeling my face heat up slightly at Kat’s words, I ignore the first thing she said, instead focusing on the latter. As much as Kat seems to think that there’s something going on between Wesley and I, there really isn’t.
I’m not even attracted to him.
Well.
He is attractive, but in a kind of ‘oh that celebrity is hot’ way rather than a ‘this person is a potential partner’ way. I just…haven’t really given it much thought. Not that there is anything to give any thought to in the first place.
We’re just friends, and I’m happy with it this way.
“No, I haven’t heard anything from her. I don’t even know if this number still works, or if it’s even hers. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” I reply vaguely, tapping my fingers against the screen of my phone where it lays face up on the table.
It suddenly vibrates, making me practically jump out of my seat. Snatching the device up quickly, I feel a massive grin spread across my lips.
“I was gonna ask if it’s my mum but no, looks like it’s Wesley,” Kat says with a smirk, standing from her seat at my table and heading towards the door. “I’m gonna go now; I’m supposed to be meeting Aria and it’s clear that you’re plenty busy with that text,” she coos, before speeding out the door.
Turning back to my phone, I stare at the text.
Wesley: Can I come over?
Fuck.
Me: Yeh ofc - Read today, 7:22 pm
Standing up from my seat quickly, I dash to the bathroom, checking that I look presentable. Frowning at my reflection, I head to my bedroom next, shedding off my boring t-shirt in favour of a simple black shirt, something a little dressier than what might as well be my pyjamas.
For some reason, I don’t really care what I look like around most people. But with Wesley…I want to at least put in some degree of effort.
By the time my doorbell rings, I look somewhat nice. Reminding myself to calm down because I’m far more nervous than I should be for just hanging out with a friend, I pull the door open, trying my best to smile normally.
I just…it’s my first time seeing Wesley in a while. He’s been under the radar for a bit, and to be honest…I missed him rather a lot.
Wesley smiles back at me, his expression slightly hesitant and careful, before I find myself unable to keep the big smile off my face; Wesley’s own features soon light up, reflecting my emotions.
“Hey…sorry for…being kind of distant. I was…working through some stuff,” he says softly, leaning against the door frame. Hastily stepping back, I let my friend in, my smile turning a little more awkward.
“That’s fine…I hope everything’s ok though?” I ask after a moment, closing the door behind Wesley. He turns to look at me slightly, smiling warmly. “Yeah, everything’s…everything is good. I just decided that it was time I let myself be happy about something.”
Raising an eyebrow at his cryptic words, I don’t push for more information, instead sitting on my sofa next to the man and relaxing back, watching him out of my peripheral vision. “Hey,” I begin, standing up and shoving my hands in my pockets.
“Are you any good at cards? Bet I could win easily,” I brag, grabbing a pack of cards out of a drawer on the cabinet and bringing it over. Wesley crosses his arms, snorting out a laugh. “Suuure, I’ll totally let you win,” he replies, an amused glint in his eyes.
Grinning, I move to sit on the floor opposite my friend, shuffling the cards whilst Wesley picks what game we play.
“How about sevens?”
Groaning, I begin dealing out the cards. “Fine but after this we’re playing an actually interesting game, one which requires skill and not just luck.”
Wesley reaches across the coffee table, slapping my arm, a scowl on his lips. But I know that he’s not actually pissed at me; it’s actually kind of easy to tell how Wesley is feeling. His face isn’t the most expressive in the world, but his body language speaks for him a lot.
And right now…he’s pretty happy.
—————
Finally putting the pack of cards away after Wesley and I started to get a tad too competitive over a game of snap, we relax back on the sofa, no longer sitting on the floor like we had been for the past god knows how many hours.
“Want to watch a movie?” Wesley suggests, grabbing my blanket from the back of the sofa and spreading it over his legs. Squiggling closer to him, I squidge under the blanket, accidentally bumping shoulders with Wesley at the same time.
Immediately pulling back, I apologise, feeling awkward for some reason. Wesley just shrugs, taking the TV remote from me and looking through our film options. Eventually finding one we both want to watch, Wesley relaxes into the sofa, pulling the blanket closer around himself.
But for some reason, I just can’t relax. I feel awkward still and I hate feeling awkward. After about ten minutes of sitting in silence, Wesley turns to look at me, one eyebrow raised.
“What’s going on? Is everything ok?” He asks a little worriedly, his expression morphing into one of hesitant curiosity. Shaking my head quickly, I try and force myself to relax, or at least appear relaxed.
Wesley, however, absolutely doesn’t buy it.
“Come on Kirrill, just tell me what’s up. Unless- unless it’s something super sensitive and you don’t want to talk about it, I guess,” he says more quietly, frowning slightly. Quickly shaking my head, I let out a small sigh, trying to work out what’s making me feel awkward.
Touching shoulders with Wesley. That’s happened before though, and it didn’t feel weird then. Or no, not that this time felt weird, just that…something felt different about this time. It’s like I want to be closer to him, want to have any contact with him, even if it’s as small as our shoulders brushing.
“Do you want a hug? You look like you could use a hug,” Wesley says gently, smiling at me.
“God, I would love a hug right now,” I whisper, although it kind of comes out as a breathy laugh. Wesley just grins, wrapping his arms around me and bringing me into the nicest hug of my life, his hand patting my back gently, his other hand’s fingers combing through my hair.
It’s an intimate hug, like one shared by lovers.
It doesn’t feel like the kind of hug that friends give each other.
So how come I like it this much?
I must be starved of affection; I mean I’ve always known that but never before has it been to the point where I look at a friend in a romantic way.
And then I remember one tiny fact about myself.
I’m demiromantic.
Fuck.
Is all this…is this actually me having feelings for Wesley?
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