Chapter 14
-Kirrill-
When Wesley eventually pulls back from the hug, I clear my throat awkwardly at the realisation of my feelings for him. Or maybe I don’t like Wesley, I shouldn’t jump to conclusions just from one hug.
I bet Wesley would be a great boyfriend though.
Hold up, I don’t even know if he likes men. And I could ask Kat, but that feels unfair…like I’m snooping on him somehow, because they aren’t friends anymore.
I’m pretty sure he must like guys though; I mean the thought of Kat being friends with a straight guy is laughably unrealistic, so. He’s probably a little bit gay.
I can’t believe I didn’t realise sooner that I like Wesley, I mean every time he smiles it literally makes me so happy- calm down, maybe you don’t have feelings for him, don’t rush ahead like that.
Wesley smiles softly at me as he pats my leg.
Fuck.
I like him.
Why didn’t I realise sooner? It feels so obvious now…probably because when I’ve had crushes on people in the past, it was people who literally knew my whole entire life story, whereas Wesley…he just knows the surface of my life, of me.
That’s not true. He knows me better than anyone else, except for maybe Kat.
Just because he is unaware of my past doesn’t mean that he is unaware of my present too.
Glancing down at my hands, I’m suddenly reminded of that conversation Wesley and I had a while ago, about our types. He said he liked tattoos. I have tattoos. A coincidence I’m sure, but it gives me a little confidence, so that’s nice at least.
Around halfway through the movie I realise that I literally haven’t said anything in an age, but neither has Wesley…glancing over at him, I see his head tilted back at a funny angle to rest on the back of the sofa, his eyes shut and his lips pressed into a firm line.
Smiling slightly, my fingers itch with the need to touch him. Letting myself stare for another moment, I give into my desire, gently moving Wesley’s head to my shoulder so that at least his neck won’t kill him when he wakes up. Pulling the blanket up to his shoulders, I actually pay attention to the film for the first time this evening.
—————
-Wesley-
Reluctantly pulling back from the hug with Kirrill, I try not to get too curious about whatever it is that’s making him uncomfortable. He looks slightly happier after the hug, so that’s nice at least. I’d been avoiding him, to be honest. I thought I’d just wait for my crush to pass whilst I convinced myself of all the reasons I shouldn’t like Kirrill, but in the end…
He’s great guy, and he makes me happy.
Shouldn’t I just let myself be happy?
Even if I’m setting myself up for eventual heartbreak?
I spoke with Maddie about it a lot. She just wants me to be happy, and she would never want to see me hurt and sad. So she didn’t really know what to suggest; it was a conclusion I had to come to on my own.
So I did. I decided that I was tired of keeping myself away from my best friend, and in the end…I texted him. And here I am, using him being unhappy as an excuse to hug him.
Shitty move on my part, I know. At least he seems happier now; I’m always happier after a hug too.
But Kirrill stays quiet, stays thoughtful for the rest of the film, and god it’s a boring one so eventually I give up on trying to keep my eyes open. I didn’t get much sleep last night so I’m pretty shattered today as a result.
Waking up later with a small groan at the pain in my back, I blink blearily, trying to clear the sleep from my eyes. It’s dark, but not completely, so there must be a light on somewhere behind me, probably in a different room.
Feeling a little chilly, I pull the blanket closer around me, snuggling into the warmth at my side. Suddenly stopping completely still, I sit up quickly, realising what that warmth is.
Kirrill, asleep next to me, his arm behind my back and his shoulder just inviting me to rest my head there.
No way did I cuddle up to him in my sleep, I lie completely still, I know that for a fact.
Which means…
Kirrill cuddled me.
I quickly curl into his side again, cursing the fact that I’m taller than him because it means I have to properly squidge down to get my head on his shoulder comfortably. Kirrill lets out a small snuffle, pulling me closer in his sleep.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Carefully adjusting the blanket over him in case Kirrill gets chilly easily, I gently grab my phone, checking the time and messaging my family that I am alive and well before cuddling up to Kirrill again and letting myself fall back to sleep.
Annoyingly, I don’t wake up naturally next time, instead I find myself being shaken awake gently as Kirrill attempts to rouse me from the depths of my sleep.
I really didn’t want to wake up.
I was enjoying that cuddle, and the dream of Kirrill and I cuddling that I was also having at the same time.
“You should sleep on the bed, it’ll be way more comfy than the sofa,” he says softly, the room now even darker than last time, so I assume that whatever light was on before now isn’t.
Mumbling something, I let Kirrill help me up and lead me to his room, where I instantly flop down on his bed. I’ve stayed the night as Kirrill’s before, but normally I sleep on the sofa because I refuse to make Kirrill move for me, but tonight my back is already killing me from sleeping on the sofa, so now a bed is looking very tempting.
Kirrill goes to leave but I grab his arm, pulling him down next to me. “It’s a double bed, we’ll both fit,” I grumble, my sleepy brain not seeing any problems with sharing a bed with my crush. I mean we just cuddled while sleeping on the sofa, so this is basically the same.
Surprisingly, Kirrill instantly lies down next to me, without making any kind of protest.
Huh.
Feeling a little chilly in the big, cold bed, I pull the duvet closer around me, closing my eyes.
“I-if you’re cold, I could always…” Kirrill trails off, and I instantly snap my eyes open to see what he’s suggesting. Without even giving it a second thought, I snuggle into Kirrill’s chest, smiling as he wraps his arms around me.
Cool.
Neither of us are thinking straight, clearly.
Har har I never think straight, I’m pan.
Ignoring my own stupid thoughts, I instead think about how warm Kirrill is. Not just literally, but also yep he’s a nice radiator.
But I just mean that…his smile, his heart…
He’s like the last remaining embers of a fire. Hard to notice at first, you think that it has completely died out. But then you feel the heat still emanating from within, and you see what’s really causing that warmth. The last remaining fires, which refuse to go out with the rest.
Kirrill is like a fire to me.
Yes, he is dangerous. And he could hurt me, even accidentally.
But he also…
He makes me so warm. He comforts me, he keeps the dark at bay. He isn’t just a fire, he is also the light it brings too.
Comments (19)
See all