THE PAST

Juan never would have suspected that his brother would be the reason a girl would turn him down. Girls were always lining up for Mateo, things had been that way since he was in high school and it had never changed since then. At the parties Mateo threw, Juan had never seen him not pull a girl. Even though Juan was a bit more clumsy and inexperienced with girls; having only been kissed two times and had never having gotten to second base, he'd hoped that with the same blood flowing through his veins as his brother, it would help him to get the girl he liked to go to the prom with him.

Well, at least he'd succeeded in asking her. He hadn't been able to eat all day and the confidence that he had faked almost made him sick, but he'd done it. Even though the only reason he had succeeded in persuading himself to do it, was the fact he was convinced that she would be too sweet to turn anyone down. Well, he couldn't have been more wrong.

She had thought he was pulling a prank on her. Had that really been the reason? Or was it just an excuse? He hadn't taken June to be a liar, but truth to be told; he didn't think she would have turned him down either. These past months he had created this version of her in his mind that probably wasn't even near the real June, this was the first time he had worked up the nerve to even talk to her.

With a sigh Juan sat down, leaning against a small wall and lit a cigarette. From here he could see the music room, but he knew she wouldn't be practicing today. It had became some kind of habit; sitting down here smoking while watching as she played the violin. Occasionally he would even listen to her play from the corridor next to the room. He wasn't a huge fan of the sound, but he loved to watch the expression on her face as the music took her away. It always made his fingers tingle; wanting to reach out and stroke her face, no matter the distance between them. The music she created stirred this urge in him like nothing that he had heard before.

He tapped the ash from the tip of the cigarette and leaned back. Well, at least nobody could say he hadn't tried. Not that anyone knew about his feelings for June. He knew better than that. None of his friends ever talked seriously about girls and when they found out that there was someone who was occupying his mind for more than a year, they would probably try to ruin his chances or hit on her themselves. He told himself that had been the reason it had taken so long before he talked to her, it was easier than admitting he had been too chicken. But he knew it was because he had been afraid to mess up it – and with good reason, it seemed. Maybe he shouldn't have acted as self-confident, but he had been afraid she would think he was a pussy.

He bowed his head, dropped the butt of his cigarette and crushed it under his foot. Should he try something else? Talking a bit more to her was probably a good idea, but he had thought about what he was going to say today for more than a week and he didn't want to look even more like an idiot than he already did. He just hoped she would change her mind; maybe, just maybe he had just overwhelmed her.

He stood up, hoisted his backpack over his shoulder and started to walk home. He actually still had one more class to go, but he wasn't in the mood to stay at the school any longer. He looked at the seniors who were hanging around their cars, envious of them. In a couple of weeks he would be turning sixteen, then he could finally drive a car too... even if he secretly wanted to save money for a motorcycle. But those were expensive as hell, and he probably wouldn't even have enough money to buy some old beater.

Juan also thought about taking a bus, but the weather was nice and the bus always felt like it was suffocating him. The smells always made him feel sick and it was way too crowded. It was only a half an hour walk, but his path took him straight through the park where he had noticed her for the first time. His neighbour on the other side of the road had broken her leg and Juan had offered to take the dogs out. He had always wanted a dog, but his mother hated animals so there wasn't much that he could do about it. Together with the two German Shepherds, he had gone to the park, which was where he'd seen June. She had been sitting on a bench close to the pond, a sketch pad balanced on her knees. For a while he had studied her face; the way she had bit her lip and a frown had adorned her forehead while she'd been working on her piece, completely concentrated. Despite how curious he had been about her drawing, he hadn't wanted to interrupt her. He had never expected that her face would return to his thoughts again and again, or that he would keep looking for that same sweet smile her lips had formed as she admired her artwork ever since.

When he reached the park, he sat down on the bench where she had sat that first day, as he had done so many times since that fateful day. He was hoping she would return and sit down next to him, where he would then subtly stretch his arm on the backrest of the bench. But it had never happened; she had never returned to the park and since that day he had been worried that she'd felt his stare that day. That he had made her feel so uncomfortable she had never wanted to come back to the little park with the pond.

Maybe that had been the real reason she had turned him down. Maybe he had imagined it, the few times he had seen her looking his way in class, or maybe she had just been wondering why the hell he was always seemed to be looking at her. That had to be it – for he couldn't think of why she would really believe he would be playing a joke on her or a good reason as to why they couldn't have nice evening together. It was all he could think of – why not?