THE PAST

June was angry.

Why had she done this to herself? She could have been the one who he was holding now, who had her head resting against his chest as they slowly swayed to the music. His hands could have been resting on her back.

It hurt to watch them. Still her eyes were wandering off in their direction again and again, like an wound one couldn't stop touching.

She felt stupid, so stupid.

A warm breathing caressed her ear. "Why didn't you go to prom with him?"

June was asking the exact same question herself.

She turned her face away from Juan so she could look at her own dance partner. Her cheeks flushed. Rodey reached out and caressed her cheek with his thumb, as if he wanted to rub a mark off her face. She wanted to pull her head away from him, but the questioning look in his eyes kept her in her place.

"You like him, right?"

June swallowed with difficulty. What should she say? There was nothing strange about his question, apparently he had seen that she couldn't take her eyes off Juan. But she didn't know the answer, she really didn't. The first time he had asked her, she had been afraid it had been a joke, but later when he had told her he liked her, she had believed him. If they hadn't fallen that day, if he hadn't seen her breast... would they have gone to prom together? The memory let the shame wash over her again and she bowed her head.

"You're just a little shy, aren't you?" Rodey's arm glided tighter around her as he pulled her closer. "Maybe he'll come to you if we make him jealous."

"No," she muttered. "There's no need to do that."

He laughed softly. "Whatever you want, babe. I have to admit I'd much rather keep you close." Once more his lips came close to her ear. "We can have a good time too tonight, don't you think?"

Something nasty swelled in her stomach. For a moment panic flamed up, before she reminded herself of the pep talk she had given herself earlier today. She shouldn't panic all the time when someone touched her or flirted with her.

Those were just words, meaningless touches. He probably didn't know how to act any other way.

"Y-yes," she stammered. "Of course."

He kept her glance. His face came closer and June quickly turned hers away. "I uh –I'll get a drink," she said. "You um – you want something too?" She stepped back so that his hands slid off her back. They had been dancing for twenty minutes now, and not many people were still exclusively with their dates. Her eyes shot through the crowd, searching for her friends, but it was so crowded and the hall was so large and dark she wasn't able to find them immediately.

"Eh, I'll walk with you." Rodey seemed a bit blindsided by the change in topic– or maybe disappointed was a better word.

"You don't have to."

For a moment he held her glance, then he nodded. "Alright. I'll have a coke."

June turned around and rushed towards the bar, intentionally letting other people go first so she didn't have to go back just yet.

A little absent-mindedly she shuffled further and further. She was just about to place her order as her eye caught a tattooed arm leaning on the bar next to her. Quickly she turned away her head away, hoping he wouldn't notice her.

Unfortunately, he did. A few seconds later she heard his voice.

"What do you want to drink, June?"

"Nothing," she muttered, hoping he would leave her alone. She would rather be alone with Rodey than with Mateo.

"Then why are you standing here?"

Skittishly she peeked aside. A smirk was dancing on his lips. Now that she stood so close to him, she realized he looked a lot like Juan. The same brown eyes, the same nose, even his smirk reminded her of the day Juan had talked to her for the first time. And still they were so different; Mateo lacked the same soft expression, or his insecure glance.

"Are you blown away by my beauty?" he asked, lifting the corner of his mouth. "I gotta admit I'm blown away by yours. I can see why my brother has a crush on you."

Heat ascended to June's cheeks. Not a single word passed her lips.

"If you ain't thirsty or in the mood to talk... how about a dance?" He offered his hand.

Petrified, June stared at it. A dance. As if she would ever want to dance with him. His brutality made her even a little angry; the last time she had seen him, he had treated her as if she was a whore. She remembered Juan's shame all too well.

"Shouldn't you ask 'how much?' first?"

Surprise crossed his face. For a moment he stared her in the eye and even though the nerves were rolling through her body, she didn't look away. Not this time.

In the end he was the one turning his face away and ordering two drinks. He put one glass in front of her, the other he lifted as if he wanted to make a toast.

"You're more spirited than I thought, June. I like it." He turned his body until he was leaning with both his elbows on the bar and looked aside. "Tell me... You like my little brother as much as he likes you?"

Suddenly June felt so hot she picked up the glass and took a big gulp. Mateo smirked, as if that had been his intention.

"I... I guess," she muttered, not finding it in her heart to deny it. Besides, she was sure he knew about her feelings anyway.

"Then why did you reject him?"

June looked away. Was everyone going to ask that question tonight? She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't know him. I wanted to go with someone I knew."

"And you know that pretty boy of yours well? I think you would even look more comfortable if you were dancing with me," he grinned.

"I doubt that," she muttered, feeling uncomfortable because he was monitoring her reactions so closely.

With a smirk, Mateo took a drink from his glass. June did the same. It was hard to believe she was really having a conversation with Mateo at the moment – a conversation existing of more than three words.

"Juan's date is a beautiful girl, isn't she? Her name is Anna."

The change of subject was so sudden June felt cold. Was he going to humiliate her now? She stared at the ground.

"If it is up to her, she is going to spend the night with him. You want that?"

June kept silent, wishing he would go away.

Suddenly his fingers stroked her chin, grabbing her face and forcing her to look him in the eye. "You want that, June?"

"Get your hands off me." She pulled her head away from him.

"Then answer. Ignoring people is rude."

Tears of frustration jumped into her eyes. "What do you want me to say?!"

"That you won't turn him down again if I keep Anna busy."

"But..."

He winked, turned around and walked away. With a pounding heart June watched him go, not knowing what to do. Should she go back to Rodey? Or would he really send Juan to her? Taking a deep breath, she walked away from the bar until she found a spot where she had a better sight of the dance floor. It only took a few seconds before she had found the couple. The girl still had her arms around his neck and she felt an immense sense of relief when Mateo walked up to them. June watched as he leaned down and whispered something to Juan.

Mateo looked to the side, his eyes found her immediately.

June was rooted to the spot when Juan followed his brother's gaze and his lips turned into a smile, causing her glass to almost slip out of her hand. He said something to the girl and his brother and then began making his way towards her.

Her hands were clammy. It felt like ages ago that they had spoken to each other and all she could think of, was how she would mess it up this time.

"Hey," he said as he stood in front of her. His hands had slid into his pockets, giving off a nonchalant attitude, but she saw his rosy cheeks.

"H-hi," she stammered.

Again her brain seemed to be switching off.

"You eh, you're wearing a beautiful dress, June. And your hair is beautiful too." His cheeks turned from pink to red. "Actually I think everything about you is beautiful. Not only now, I mean, but like everyday." He took a sharp breath, skittishly looking at her.

Her mouth felt dry. She could only stare at him. He thought she was beautiful. And he meant it – she could hear that.

He cleared his throat. "Ehh, you um, you want something to drink?"

Hesitating, June lifted the glass in her hand. "I eh, I already got a drink."

He messed with the top button of his vest. "Right. Sorry." He ran a hand across his head. "Sorry. I'm all nervous again. I – I don't wanna mess things up this time."

June bit her lip. She was always the one ruining it, the one who was acting weird. Like now. She couldn't even say one normal sentence to him. Even talking to Mateo had been easier.

"Me – me neither," she murmured in the end. She took a deep breath. There were so many things she wanted to say to him; that she thought about him every moment of the day. That she had missed him. That she regretted panicking the last time they had been together. That she had wished she had gone to prom with him – but none of these things could find the route to her mouth.

"Is um, is your date nice?" His voice sounded tensed, as if he feared the answer.

She bowed her head. Tell him. Just tell him. "I – I'd rather... I would rather have gone with you."

Her eyes shot back to him. The smile that was now on his face, was so wide it made her knees feel weak.

"Maybe we can, eh..." His eyes wandered across her dress, settling on the hem that touched the ground. "Well uh, maybe we can go together next year. If you still like me. I mean – I'm not sure if you like me now but..."

Pressing his lips together, he rubbed his neck awkwardly.

Suddenly his date showed up next to him, slipping her arms around his waist. "You wanna dance again, Juan? I don't like your brother as much as I like you and I know nobody else besides you two."

"I..." A little lost he looked at June.

"It's okay if you go," she said quietly. "It was my own call. You asked her." She smiled a bit sadly. "And you didn't want to treat your dates like your brother did, right?"

For a moment he held her glance. "No..." He answered with a frown before he turned to Anna. "I'm gonna get us some a drinks, okay?"

"Sure." She kissed his cheek, stroking his back before he walked away.

Sighing, June stared into her almost empty glass.

"He's such a cutie, don't you think?" Anna said. An insincere smile was drawn on her lips. "You just missed your chance, sweetheart." She leaned over to June and whispered, "and after prom, I'm going to offer him something that no boy would ever decline." Evocatively, she traced her thumbs down from her breasts to her thighs. "I think he'll know what to do with all this, right?"

With a wink, she blew a kiss towards June before she disappeared into the crowd.

Numb, June stared forward, not fully understanding everything that had been said to her since she had left Rodey on the dance floor.