So, do you wanna, or…? (Alex)

The weekend had finally ended. Alex had invited Megan to go back to London with her, but her friend had new plans with one of her “booty calls”. Even though Megan had smiled the whole time, Alex couldn’t shake the feeling something was amiss, but she knew better than anyone else that pressuring someone to talk would only result in them to close even more, so she let it pass. Although, Megan still had the book she borrowed in her hands when she entered the taxi.

On her way to the airport, she stopped by a nearby convenience store to buy a few snacks, since she hated airplane food which consisted of peanuts, loaf bread and water. When she entered the store, the doorbell jingled annoyingly to her presence and a woman’s voice came from the cash register.

Alex felt all her muscles tensing up and her hands firmly gripping the knob. She looked to the direction of the voice – and there she was, wearing a blue clerk’s vest, but Alex recognized the jet-black hair tied in a pony tail and the soft outlines of a face she grew to detest. She was facing down the cash register machine and Alex took that opportunity to leave the store.

She felt sick, as if she could throw up at any moment. Alex entered back in the car, hushing the taxi driver to go, ignoring his watchful looks and remarks of how she seemed pale. Please, ignore me. Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me. Just ignore me already. Alex leaned on the car window, silent.

Hey Alex; she heard the voice from the past.

Do you like that? A giggle.

Are you jealous? It’s okay if you are. Don’t you want me? asked the voice.

What are you saying? We’re just friends. Again

No.

I don’t like him

No.

Do you like

Me?

Shut up.

Do you?

Go away.

I had nothing to do with her from the beginning.

She’s crazy

Shut up!

Freak

F R E A K

SHUT UP!

Miss

Miss

– Miss! – called the driver again. – We’re at your destination.

Alex had her eyes so tightly closed, that it took a few minutes for her to adjust to the clarity again.

She nodded, giving her credit card and leaving the taxi quickly.

– Miss! Miss! – called the driver again. – Your credit card.

He gave back to her,

– Are you sure you’re fine? – he asked.

Alex nodded again, unable to talk and heading towards the airport.

She felt dizzy, suffocated. The temperature had been cold since morning, but Alex was panting. She pulled up her headphones, turning on her Switch, as the game washed all the memories away. No voice, no past. She only had to concentrate on the game, on surviving. Deflect, dodge, roll, attack. Repeat that.

When she finally got back to her apartment, the feeling was not entirely gone. So, she decided to wear her tracksuit and run the marathon track in the park. She was already on 6 miles, when Alex decided to stop. Her lungs were burning, and her throat was dry, but as the cold air swept through her face, she felt relaxing again. That pain was like a bliss. Her mind was too tired to register anything or to reimagine them, so when she got back to her apartment, she had only enough energy for a bath and sleep.

No dreams. Just pitch-black.

She woke up with the cellphone alarm blaring her ears. Or rather, the second alarm, which meant she was late enough to miss the first period. For some reason, when the first alarm played, she was so groggy, that she had put the cellphone underneath her stomach to muffle the sound, and must’ve taken it again from there during her sleep. She sighed. Alex had a-long-years problem with sleeping; her melatonin didn’t seem to work properly, or as it should, thus she would pass hours trying to sleep just for when she was finally sleeping, waking up became a hurdle.

Even though she was already late, Alex couldn’t muster the energy to care for that, so she went back to a quick shower and light meal cereal before jumping on her bike and going to college. It was only midway there, her brain decided to wake up and she remembered what that day was. Monday. I’ll get to see Hayley. When the traffic lights turned green again, she found herself accelerating the bike.

***

Alex was waiting inside one of the medicine buildings; she followed the quick instructions Hayley had given her to get there, since she was stuck with a lab experiment it would take a few minutes for her to get out. Even though Alex had no problems with waiting, she finally offered to wait for Hayley next to her building, so they wouldn’t be so far away and they would be able to go together from there. That seemed to calm the girl. So, Alex was standing in the hallway, playing on her Switch while she waited. A few students were passing, wearing lab coats, or in groups chatting. They didn’t seem to notice her there.

Twenty minutes later, a hasty Hayley came out of one of the doors, she was still wearing the white lab coat and her hair was a bit disheveled.

– I’m so sorry – she said. – I had no idea Mrs. Jones would make an experiment test on the last minute, and we had to assemble in groups to finish the project, but since we only had the last few minutes to do it, it was kinda chaotic, then having to measure the…

Alex grabbed a few books on the girl’s hand. – Slow down a bit. Catch your breath. We don’t need to hurry.

Hayley grimaced. – Sorry. It seems like I always end up needing your help and causing problems for you.

– You’re not causing any problems – she refuted. – I did these things on my own, so you don’t have to feel obliged to pay me back for something that I did out of my selfishness. Also. – she added. – This is the 11^th time you said sorry. It’s okay.

A strand of pink hair fell slowly on the girl’s face, and Alex had to control the urge to not move her hands.

Hayley sighed. – Sor… – she paused. – Thank you.

Alex nodded, not trusting herself to move.

– Are my books too heavy? – Hayley asked. – Seems like you're using so much strength.

Hayley brushed her fingers on Alex’s hand. It was only then, she noticed how tightly she had been gripping them, to the point her fingertips were whiter than normal. She felt relaxing with Hayley’s soft touch, while her skin burned where the girl had touched.

– No, they’re not heavy. – Alex answered, clearing her throat.

But Hayley gave her an uncertain glance. – Here. – she opened a lock. – You can place them there.

Carefully, Alex did as it was asked.

– Thank you – said Hayley, neatly folding her coat and placing it together with the other things in the lock as she got a red-vine scarf from inside.

Without the lab coat, Alex finally noticed what Hayley was wearing: a charcoal blazer on top of a black shirt and dark jeans, and instead of the usual heels, she was wearing simple sneakers. Hayley seemed unaware of the affect she had on people around them, guys and girls had stopped to look at her.

– Shall we go? – she asked.

– Uh, yes. – Alex responded, turning her head to avoid looking at the girl. – Where are we heading now?

– So, I found this amazing Cafe a few weeks ago – she said, while they walked through the campus. – It’s really cute. They have this cute porch with flowers, really pretty. The owner just recently opened, because of that they don’t have many customers and it's just one block away from college! – she paused. – Would you like to go there with me?

– Sure. – Alex agreed. As if it would be possible for me to say no, she thought. Then added: – You’re promoting them so well that it’s hard not to be curious about it.

The girl let out a melodious laugh. – It’s nothing like that.

– Are you sure you’re not just bringing me there because you’re modeling for them? – Alex raised an eyebrow with a tip of smile slipping through her lips.

Hayley made an ambiguous expression, batting her eyes. – Maybe. Who knows?

Alex laughed. – Damn models. I knew I was being scammed!

The girl joined Alex, her voice thin and tender. Hayley walked in front of her, forcing Alex to stop before they bumped into each other. A playful smile on her cheeks. – Would you get mad if I did that?

It was impossible to avoid Hayley’s gaze. A spring green tinged lightly with speckles of gold.

– No – Alex murmured underneath her breath.

But Hayley must’ve heard it, for she smiled brightly. – Ok.

They walked for not long and Hayley pointed a well decorated building across the street. They waited until the signal was green to cross – it all happened too fast, in a moment, Alex caught a glimpse of a motorcycle running at high-speed on the red light. She quickly pushed the girl to herself, seconds before the bike passed where Hayley had stood not so long ago.

She felt her heart hammering in her chest, as she breathed heavily. Minutes passed before she realized Hayley’s delicate body, trembling in her arms.

– Are you alright? – Alex asked without moving.

Hayley nodded. – Yes, I’m fine. What about you?

Maybe she was still filled with adrenaline or maybe the relief discharged. But Alex couldn’t stop laughing at that statement. She must’ve seemed crazy, but Hayley didn’t comment on that, only looking at the girl with an intrigued expression.

– What? – she asked, turning her head up.

But Alex couldn’t stop laughing.

– What’s so funny? – the girl tugged her sweatshirt.

– You – answered Alex, struggling to breathe.

– Huh?

– You were the one that almost got ran over. – she explained as her heart calmed down. – But you’re worried about me?!

Whatever Hayley would answer was engulfed when Alex leaned her head on the girl’s shoulder. Her hands trembling on Hayley’s thin waist, but as if struck by a high-voltage wire, she couldn’t move them.

– Seriously – her voice wavered.

She thought Hayley would push her away. But she was surprised to see that the girl got even closer, wrapping her arms around Alex’s back.

– It’s ok – Hayley whispered. – I’m alright, you can relax now.

Her breath tickled Alex’s neck. She was so close, Alex could smell her sweet perfume – lilac and wild berries, and a bit of Hayley’s unique scent. They stood like that for a long while, before someone grunted, getting their attention.

She let her arms fall, as she took a step back. Hayley copied her movements, quickly turning away from Alex, but not before Alex could catch a glimpse of the girl’s rose-coloured cheeks. Was she…?

– I’m sorry – said the person. A woman dressed in a black uniform and a purple apron. – Are you guys alright? I just saw what happened.

– Oh, hey Milla – greeted Hayley. – Yes, we’re quite alright. It was just some random crazy person.

The waitress Milla placed a hand on Hayley’s shoulder, giving the girl a concerned look. – Are you alright?

Alex tried as much as she could to not stare at where Milla’s hand were touching, nor concentrate on the annoying feelings clustering in her chest.

– Yes – answered Hayley. – I’m fine, thank you.

– Were you going to the Cafe?

– Yes – she said, pausing and finally turning to Alex. – I brought someone with me this time. This is Alex, she’s with me today. Alex, this is Milla, she works at Au Lait Cafe.

– Hello – said Milla with a smile. – I hope you can enjoy your stay.

Alex smiled awkwardly. – Thanks.

– Come. I’ll bring you guys to the store.

They crossed the street again, luckily, this time no incidents happened and Milla guided them to a table under a black iron porch outside of the shop. A few vines hanged from the top, making it seems as if it was lost in time.

– The best spot for our favourite customer – said Milla, winking at Hayley. – And this is our menu, feel free to choose. I’ll be at your service.

– Thanks, Milla – she said. – But for now, just a cup of water.

– Ok – nodded the waitress, then turned to Alex. – And for you, miss?

– You can call me Alex. – said Alex. – A cup of water for me too.

– Coming right up – said Milla. – I’ll be back in a minute.

When she left, the atmosphere got awkwardly silent. They didn’t talk much, and she felt relieved when Milla got back with water. Sipping from the glass cup, Alex watched as the droplets formed and fell down, leaving a trace behind. She shouldn’t have hugged Hayley. No matter how tense the situation was, it would be better if she had not done that - this would only create annoying expectations and she knew it was better to keep them low. But deep down, Alex knew she wouldn’t be able to leave the girl trembling alone. Well, it was better that way, that they ended it all today. After lunch, she wouldn’t bother the girl again, and Hayley wouldn’t have to feel indebted to Alex.

Alex finally gathered courage to say that, but when she raised her head, she found Hayley staring at her. The girl quickly moved her eyes away, then back again. What was that?

– So… – Hayley started, locking her fingers, with a playful smile on her lips. – I think you got a question for me.

Alex’s gaze descended upon the girl’s teeth playing with the bottom lip.

– Yeah? What question would that be? – she tagged along.

Hayley blinked for a moment, surprised, but she immediately wore the playful smile again. – You tell me – she sipped from the cup, the light shimmering a yellowish hue on her face. – It’s you who got the question.

Alex let out a half-suppressed laugh. – Apparently. – she paused, playing with her own fingers. Carefully measuring her next words: – Do you wanna be my friend?

Hayley's answer was quicker than Alex’s time to complete the question. – Yes. I’d love to.

Alex grimaced. – I’m not good at making friends.

– How so? You just did – pointed Hayley.

– I guess.

– Besides, it’s not that hard – continued Hayley. – We just gotta do things we both enjoy. Sometimes we do things you like and others we do things I like.

– Well, I like playing games, do you? – Alex questioned, defiantly.

– I do now – said Hayley without hesitation. – Also, you can always teach me, no? I might not seem like much, but I’m a quick learner.

Alex sighed, knowing she had lost that fight. But the feeling wasn’t entirely bad. – Ok, then.

– Ok? – Hayley asked, surprised.

– Yeah. You made a point. How do we start?