“Thank you,” I said. On the verge of joyful tears, I held them back and tried to put on a brave face. I finished eating and remained seated.

 “What is it?” She asked. “Waiting for seconds? Go get washed up before they get here.”

Trust me, sis, I would if I could, I thought. If only I could get up and move without you making a big deal over it, without fear of making you sad again. “No seconds for me, thanks. So full. In fact, I don’t think I can walk properly with how full I am. I’m going to have to sit this one off for a bit. That was some good food.”

“Thanks.” She looks to the side, yet her eyes narrowed at the something on the counter. “But you’re acting weird.”

I kept myself still regarding her side glare, which I finally noted was taking me in. “Me? Weird? Not at all.”

“Are you hiding something?”

“Sis, for the love of all that is good, let it go. I’m just chilling. Can’t I just chill?” I asked.

She glances in my direction. Her hand held the edge of the counter like she was breaking into it. Annie frowned and turned from me. “Okay, geez. I was just…” she trailed off.

I held up hands up. “I know. Concerned and I love you for I, but please I am fine, trust me.”

 “You sure you are, okay?”

I laughed, envious of when she never had to fear something was wrong with me. A lot was wrong with me right now. “It’s just been a lot. You get it right?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

I felt bad for getting irritated, but honestly, it needed to be said. I cannot carry her burdens right now. I wanted lightness.

The door swung open with Joel’s heavy hand and he came in obnoxiously yelling, “Come on, boys! We’re going to hunt, bring home dinner, be men today!”

Yes, this was a typical Joel entry into the house, at least when he was in a good mood. “Joel, seriously? Again? Don’t you ever tire of saying that?” Annie asked. Her eyes glowered at him as he sauntered inside.

Rowan came in through the door behind him and said, “I know right, he’s obsessed with saying that.” His eyes touched me. “Hey Nils!”

I grinned. “Hey Rowan.”

Annie passed the table and came close to him. “What’s your problem?” Joel asked.

Annie shushed him. While she was distracted with Joel, I slowly made my way outside with Rowan.

“Why are you walking like that?” Rowan asked.

“Legs are a little sore. No big deal. Probably all the treks we made yesterday,” I said, lying through my teeth.

“Oh, okay,” he smiled. “So, are you ready to go hunting?”

“Am I ever ready?” I asked with a roll of my eyes. Rowan laughed.

They gathered their hunting gear, and soon after, Joel came out, beating his chest. What was he, an untamed bear? I hoped I survived this trip, because I was unsure which bear was scarier than Joel or an actual one.

He slapped me playfully on the back. For him, it was playful. For me, it felt like I was shoved.

I let out a deep breath and shook my head. Well, the saving grace was Rowan’s presence.

“Ready to go, boys! Let’s go tackle some big ol’ beasts.” Joel’s heavy voice rang on in my ears like it was payback for last night. I deserved it too.

My feet were not so bad. I could run if the need arises. I just rather not If I was being perfectly honest, so I needed to get the peace of mind I wanted. 

Maybe I can steer this down a path that suited me better. “Can’t we ever do something simple to bring home dinner like...I don’t know, go fishing? Right? Fishing sounds fun.”

“Yeah! Fishing sounds exciting! It’s something new. I’d like to learn Joel,” Rowan said.

 “Fishing?! What kind of dinner can you have with fishing? Do you want your wives to laugh you to scorn when you bring home a fish for dinner?”

“First, Joel, we don’t have wives. We’re eleven.” I said. It was meant to be a counter, but he looked at me like I was begging for my life or something. Well, I was, my foot needed life-giving non-exhaustion.

“Second of all dufus, you could catch multiple fish,” Rowan added.

I laughed at Rowan joining in with me on this.

 “Who’re you calling dufus?” Joel said, looking at Rowan then taking off after him, for Rowan ran away laughing. I walked behind them both slowly, like Old Granny herself when she could have walked. Man, I hoped I had not lost sight of them.

I passed the open field and was nearing the forest’s edge.

Eventually, I saw them up ahead, tussling with each other, laughing like maniacs. It looked fun. This was great, so far.

“Don’t worry guys!” I yelled. “You just go on without me!”

“Well, hurry up then slowpoke!” Joel yelled.

“His legs are sore!” I heard Rowan yell back in my defense.

“Sore doing what?! You see, that’s because you’re not used to manly exercise,” He said jeeringly, flexing his muscles.

“You are boring, Joel!” I shouted back.

Joel fired back. “Whatever! Hurry up. At your pace we wouldn’t start hunting till tonight.” He was right about that.

I tried to hurry my legs up, groaning slightly against the pain, but pushing myself forward nonetheless. Wow, this was a lot. I eventually made my way up to them.

“Hey, maybe if you’re sore, you should go back home. You could be a liability,” Joel finally said.

“Now, you tell me this after I came all the way up here? In any case, today’s my day to hang out with Rowan, so if this is how I’ll have to do it, this is how I’ll do it,” I said.

Joel replied, “Yeah, okay, you both can go home then.”

I said, “No, let’s stay, it can be a twofer so I can hang out with you too.”

“Awwww,” Joel hooked my neck by his elbow and roughly ruffled my hair. “We have all the time to hang out on our journey to the mountain.”

Now he was rubbing in the salt.

“Yeah, about that. That’s not happening,” I said.

Joel’s body fidgeted and I could feel his anxiety through the touch of our skins against each other. “You’re not going again?”

I contemplated honesty, then realized I hadn’t the mental strength to deal with his bruised ego. “Nope. I changed my mind,” I said.

 “No, actually, I want to go alone.”

“You are turning a big man on me.” Joel’s sing-song voice ringed in my ears. The wind carried it, but not too far and I was left feeling stuck in between his balancing act of not showing his emotions.