“Why doesn't Abbas come to see us again? Did you have a fight? “I hear my mother's voice coming down the stairs from the kitchen, I can't mind my own business. Our mother looks impatiently at my brother's face, I sneak up on the door, not being able to mind my own business.

Abbas was my brother's best friend until last year, they stopped being friends when my Alvaro got engaged to A, I remember he came home shaken one day locking himself in his room and never said a word about Abbas again, my mother preferred not to ask him about how he behaved at that time, augh the beauty of being male ... parents let you do whatever you want, I was born with the wrong sex unfortunately, I wake up from my thoughts when my brother starts screaming to leave him alone, knowing he would come out I run to the bathroom near the entrance, I don't understand why he is so touchy every time someone mentions, he really fuck up the friendship for being like this, they were more attached than the girl's hair that's it super glue on.

I pretend to use the bathroom, and walk towards my brother's room only to be stopped by my mother, "I know you were listening, keep an eye on him, right? it worries me too much in this period "she commands me," sure "no, I answer her by not saying the last part because I love my life, she started to go back to Alvaro's room, I blow open the door and find him in a state of depression , I feel the air being able to suffocate and a burning in my chest, "come in, I know you are here" he says to me, I enter in response and throw myself on his bed, he hugs me putting his head on my neck sniffing mine hair, he always said it relaxes him, "thanks for being here, you're the best", "you want to talk about what happened" I ask him stroking his head knowing he likes it, "no, I just want to be like this, it's all stressful I just want to rest "he stops for a while and then continues" I love Abbas. So much ... every version of it that I have ever known, even if it was difficult to accept it "he says before falling asleep, I gently caress his head, since we were children we have comforted ourselves in this way, angry at the world or ourselves, my brother is one of those people that I really love in my life and that I want him to be there.

I know that one day we should go different paths, I for my career starting a family and he will build his, but I want to be able to stay with him as long as I can, at least ... until he goes to university (if he wants to go), we have always said everything, or at least until a few months ago, now if you ask him for something personal he explodes.

It all started since he met A, I wonder if she really has a good influence or not.

I sigh and then take the phone out of my pocket trying not to wake him up, I scroll a bit on Instagram and then receive a message from Shanti "what are you still awake", at which point I realize the time, 02: 12, I was too immersed in my thoughts, not realizing the time, I answer her with a simple and untruthful "I was studying", a white lie to look better than I was, "at this time?", "I couldn't sleep" real thing seen that she is still awake, and then add "why are you still awake?", "I was on netflix, when I start I can't stop!"

messages and then put a face crying, seeing her burst out laughing and then stop when my brother made a verse admonishing me making me come back like a statue, "they know that well, but you should really sleep it won't do you any good tomorrow to stand up so much "I write to you worried even if you agree to make me appear as a hypocrite," listen who's talking "here in fact.

"It's just that I can't sleep well at night if it were day I would sleep right away ..." I explain, "you know why? "," Since I remember I've always been like this "I explain feeling strangely a lump in my throat," ah I understand ... then I'll keep you company until you can sleep "she replies putting a happy face, making me overwhelmed by guilt because I would like to keep talking to her but I would be cruel not to let her sleep and if she does it once I know that I will always want her with me and I will not be able to part with her when she leaves me or when I have to leave her because also she fell in love with Alvaro.

I could say that I have lost count of girls who have approached me to get to my beloved brother, I can't blame him, many are electrocuted by him, but it hurts after a while especially because I really trusted some.

And Liliana is also heading towards that road, but unfortunately I can't stop her.