Me and Tamaki-san had delivered the pairs work already finished exactly thirty minutes ago. Once our teacher confirmed that it had reached her email, Tamaki-san logged out of her APA without even saying goodbye. I was currently sitting in the classroom waiting for the first recess of the day to come to an end and, as usual, the whole school was shrouded in its characteristic sepulchral silence.
As I rested my head on my right hand, I looked at the reflection of myself in the window right next to me. Then I began to remember all those times I had been rejected by the students at this school. I was beginning to question the "reason" why I was still trying. All the words Tamaki-san had said to me had made me begin to doubt my actions. After all, I have been trying to change the mentality of everyone at school for almost two years now without any positive results for me.
Of the nineteen students in the classroom, not counting myself, only eight students are still talking to me, including Tamaki-san since she is the class representative. The rest of my classmates ignore me every time I speak to them. The only time they are forced to talk to me is when they do this weird pair work.
If I had to say something about the teachers, it may sound strange, but it is even more difficult to have a conversation with them than with the students themselves. This is because in the entire time a class lasts, the APA of the professor in charge at that moment never moves from his place at the front of the classroom. He is always standing there while explaining the subject and then answering our questions through the school's intranet chat. After all, this is what education is like in all schools here in Japan.
I pressed my lips tightly together as I kept asking myself. Why do I keep trying? Why do I keep torturing myself? Will I get any kind of benefit out of what I'm doing? All I was accomplishing was making my life as a student even more miserable than it already is. But even after all the failures I have had throughout all this time, what is the reason why I still keep doing it?
As I closed my eyes, little by little the memories of that day appeared in my head.
The memories were images of someone else's student life, images that showed that person in a different country, in a different school, with completely different students and teachers than here.
I remember that was the day I decided to stop using my APA forever.
Comments (0)
See all