Going to the one place that gives me peace, I sat on the edge of the cliff that over looked our city and cried as I thought about how I was supposed to face him from now on. I must've sat there for hours because Adrasteia, my Beta sister, came to find me since she was the only one who knew about this place. Taking a seat next to me, she asked "are you okay big brother?" Sniffling, I said "honestly, no. Fay figured out my secret and I'm scared to know what he thinks. I even turned off my phone so he couldn't call me."

"Actually, he called me. He was worried when you took off and got even more freaked out when he couldn't track you to know you're physically okay. No, before you ask he's not here. I just told him to go home and rest for his gig tonight and that I'd either have you call or message but I made no promise you'd talk to him."

"Thanks for that. I don't know how I'll be able to face him now that he knows" I said covering my face with both hands.

"Actually, I'm not sure that's true either. If you didn't out right confirm it then he may not know" she said putting her arm around my shoulders.

"How would he not know? He literally said "the only thing that makes sense is if you're gay and like another guys who might be straight" and I ran away. How is that not a confirmation?" I asked in an exasperated tone.

"Oh, what were you guys talking about that ended in that as part of the conversation?" she asked confused.

"I was thinking about stuff on the way to school and apparently made a face. So, he asked about what I was thinking and I said I was thinking about whether or not I'd done all my homework and wondering where his gig was tonight. Then of course he called me on that not being the whole truth but I refused to give him specific details when I told him I was thinking about how I had no chance with my crush. He got annoyed and said that I'd never know for sure unless I asked which annoyed me because of course I already know the answer. He'd never be into me no matter how much we play flirt" I explained telling her something she already knew.

"How do you know he's not serious when he flirts with you, Theo?" she asked gently squeezing me tighter as I cried again.

"He may be bi but he leans more towards girls than guys. Plus he doesn't know my flirting is for real" I sobbed wiping my eye on the sleeve of my hoodie.

"What if he did know? What would you do then?" she asked making me look up at her with both a confused and scared look before she said "don't worry, he doesn't know but what if he did?"

"I don't know. Honestly, the idea terrifies me to even think about. I'm scared enough knowing he knows I'm gay" I sobbed again.

"I know, I was just curious. Are you still planning to go to his show tonight?" She asked curiously.

"Yeah, I've never missed one and I'm not about to start. I'll just stay in the back of the club where he's less likely to see me and be the first to leave without having to face him directly" I said as I wiped my eyes again.

"Okay, in that case would you at least send him a message when it's over and let him know how good it was and that you were there to support him?" She asked as she looked at her phone. Glancing at it over her shoulder, I saw she was messaging him to tell him she found me and that I was physically fine but would need some time to cope. As I read her messages, a new one from him came in.

[Fay: Okay, I can give him that. Would you make sure he knows that I don't care that he's gay. He's still my best friend and I don't want this to change anything between us. I know he won't willingly listen to me right now. So, please just make sure he knows.]

Messaging him back, she wrote

[Teia: He knows and yeah but he promised to be at your show tonight whether you see him or not. I convinced him to at least message you when it was over though.]

Smiling down at me, she said “see at least you know he still cares and doesn’t judge you for being you.”

“Yeah, but did you see the part about him not wanting it to change things between us? He won’t ever have the same feelings for me that I do for him and I’ll be forced to watch him with all his girlfriends as I suffer in silence wishing they were me” I sobbed again covering my face with both hands.

“I’m sorry, I know how that feels and I hate it just as much as you do but at least you didn’t loose your best friend over something you can’t control like I did” she said referencing one of the reasons we’ve gotten closer since high school started and why she transferred to our school freshman year. It’s been about three years and she hasn’t said a word about it until now.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that Teia. Are you sure you’re ready to talk about it though?” I asked wiping my eyes before I looked at her.

“May as well, it’s been three years and it’s something that still hurts to think about. I mean we’d been best friend since we moved here twelve years ago and for some reason the fact that I’m a lesbian made her think I wasn’t still me. She abandoned me and told our entire school which either got me made fun of, beaten, or in the one event only you know about nearly raped to turn me straight. Thank god mom and dad listened to you when you told them I needed to transfer to our new school because I don’t think I could’ve survived another month there without bleeding someone dry. But on a more scary note, I think I’ve found my mate. Her name is Kora and she has the same cross with a lotus flower on her inner wrist and they both got darker when we spent some time together” she said smiling by the end of it.

“I’m happy for you sweetie and I’m proud that you feel comfortable enough to talk about what happened even if it’s just with me” I said giving her a sad smile before adding “and you’re right that I lucked out with Fay, I just hate that he knows and I wasn’t the one who told him.”

“I know it’s not how you wanted him to find out but now that he knows you need to make sure he’s not going to abandon you like Leslie did me. Also, you need to head into town now because it’s almost time for Fays’ gig” she said looking at the time on her phone.

“Yeah, can you take my book bag home with you? I’m going to take one sketch book and some pencils with me but other than that, would you?” I asked standing up.

“Yeah, I’ve got it” she said as I finished getting my sketch book and pencils out. Giving her one more sad smile, I turned and headed in the direction of the club.