Tousen was exhausted by the time he entered the lab. He'd let the apparition take hold yesterday evening, and the fucker had remained awake until an hour before Tousen had to get ready for the coming day. It'd been happening more frequently in the last week, but he couldn't help it. Almost as if the word "no" disappeared from his vocabulary whenever the apparition requested authority.
"Dr. Poleski!"
Tousen inwardly groaned. It was way too early in the morning for people to be yelling at him, even if the voice behind the noise was pleasant.
"Good morning, professor," he greeted with far less enthusiasm than her own.
As soon as Professor Katia noticed his exhaustion, she seemed to immediately be concerned. "You don't look so great," she commented with furrowed brows and a worried frown. "Maybe you should skip the trials today."
"No," Tousen retorted, waving off her offer. "They need to be done today. The more pyro drones we have on our side, the easier it'll be to establish trade routes. And we need supplies more than ever, especially with the next transport not far from landing."
"I can always run the trials with my team. It wouldn't be any trouble, I assure you."
Tousen thought about it for a moment. The apparition had been taking a lot of sleep from him for the last month, and he really wanted to take her offer.
"I appreciate your concern," he said with a tired smile. "But I would prefer to be there. If anything goes wrong, I need to be able to observe with my own eyes."
"Do you not trust mine?" The question was said with neither hostility nor doubt, instead a cheeky, endearing tone with a bright smile to match it.
"Of course I trust your judgment. I just also like to watch my creations come to life," he replied, sipping at his coffee.
Katia simply nodded, her smile still bright. "Alright, then. Shall we?"
When Tousen nodded, he felt Katia thread their fingers together as she moved forward with him in tow. The action caused a hitch in his breath, and he grimaced. He'd known for some time that the woman had taken a more personal interest in him but had done nothing about it as his heart simply wasn't there for it. Perhaps now was the time to pull back, to stop her from whatever desires she had. But, he was too tired for an altercation, and so, he just let Katia lead him to the machinery testing division of the new and improved lab.
She'd be a fantastic partner for you.
If I were interested, perhaps, Tousen snapped back. He wasn't sure where the sudden burst of aggravation came from, but he did know that the apparition's words were the first to upset him in a while.
Professor Katia is an intelligent woman. You should have taken her up on the offer. You need not be here for a vehicle. You need rest.
Tousen clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth. And whose fault is it for the lack thereof?
The apparition never answered. Of course it didn't. It claimed that Tousen could get plentiful sleep while it used his body to further their goals, but that didn't mean that he actually rested. It just meant that for a few hours, his mind was vacant until he awoke to a sore body, dry eyes, and a hungry belly.
What is it you even do as I "sleep"?
No answer. Fantastic.
Tousen sighed just as Katia led him to the observation deck. The sound caught her attention, and she turned on her heel, breaking their contact before putting both of her small hands against Tousen's chest.
"Are you certain you don't wish to rest?" she asked.
Tousen immediately stumbled away from her touch. When he regained his composure, the look on her face made him ride a wave of immediate guilt. "Sorry. I'm just…a little jumpy. I haven't slept well for a while."
Her sad frown turned to an understanding smile. "It's okay, I understand. I, too, apologize. Perhaps…I misread things."
Tousen felt bad for nodding, disappointment coming from her as he confirmed what she'd said. Within only moments, her demeanor returned to that of a well-trained professor, and they both turned their attention to the pyro drone beneath them.
Six rotating wings were spread out over a seventy-foot span to lift the twelve-ton carrier. According to the design and careful craftsmanship, the vehicle should lift an additional seven tons of loaded supplies. It wasn't much considering these would be the first aerial vehicles used for trade routes, but Tousen planned on learning as much as he could before beginning production on the far larger, weaponized crafts he had drawn up not long ago.
"Dr. Poleski," a lab assistant greeted, offering Tousen a seat. "We're thrilled for you to have joined us."
Tousen nodded. "But, of course," he replied, attempting desperately to not let the exhaustion show in his tone. "It would be quite a shame to miss this important step towards our bright future, would it not?"
The assistant simply smiled, clearly happy at his boss's answer. "Shall we begin, then?"
"Whenever you're ready," Tousen agreed, sitting in the offered seat.
As soon as he leaned back in the leather chair, his vision went black. He wasn't necessarily back in the fields of blue and green, but he also didn't believe he'd passed out. Something else was happening, and he couldn't say he liked it.
There was no investigation to be had as sleep seemed to take root. The deeper he went, the more Tousen was beginning to believe he had simply blacked out from exhaustion. Perhaps it was for the best. Something that needed to happen for him to momentarily let go of duties he felt obligated to carry out.
When Tousen finally felt himself being pulled from his slumber—or so he believed it to be—there was an unfamiliar ceiling staring back at him. Was he still asleep? No. He hadn't dreamed since fleeing the domes. So…where was he?
His muscles were stiff, and he had a hard time moving, struggling to swing his legs over the side of the bed. As he sat there, bent over his knees and studying the ground while the rest of him woke up, a hand trailed through his messy hair. A hand that was not his own.
"Morning," a sleepy voice murmured as he felt the bed shift from the weight of another.
Tousen peeked over his shoulder to see the fair skin and auburn hair he knew so well from months of working together in a lab.
"You know," she continued, oblivious to the confusion and turmoil churning Tousen's insides, "after our little….spat, I suppose I could call it, I expected that to be the end of it. But, last night….last night was spectacular."
Tousen didn't want to ask about it. He could feel the burning in his thighs and the mild ache in his lower back. He'd slept with this woman. And he didn't even remember it.
"About that…" he started. Part of him begged for the truth to be revealed to this woman before further interactions. However, another shouted that not retaining something that she gave so much of herself for was just as bad—perhaps worse.
Katia leaned forward, gently turning him to face her before placing a chaste kiss on his lips. It was soft, precious in a way. There was no heat in the action, yet Tousen could still feel her lingering desire. Just like that, his words faltered. He couldn't just tell her that he knew not what transpired.
As she pressed harder against him, deepening the kiss, his brows furrowed.
Isaiah…
The thought was unexpected and painful all the same. Tousen had understood that feelings were blossoming for the unruly commander. Ever since he brought home that stupid tiny battery and the sweet words he'd delivered that day, Tousen had started down a path he hadn't realized he was walking. Not until after he found Isaiah's most precious keepsake lying in the soot of Arkasia's destruction.
Bury it…
Tousen wasn't sure if the voice was advice for the apparition or a desperate cry to forget his lingering pain. His lips met hers fiercely, his tongue gently requesting permission. Permission she granted as they fell back onto the bed.
Before things went too far, Katia gently pushed against Tousen's bare chest. Breathless, she said, "Okay, I swear unto the Gods that I didn't want to stop. I'm…." she shivered in delight. "I am so willing for round two, I can't even properly speak. But, we still have work to do."
From the heat of the moment sprang a new chill as it faded. A familiar cold. The same one that gripped Tousen when he found the book. He shivered, swallowing down the lump that was forming.
"It's…probably for the best," he managed to say without choking up. Still sore, he backed away from Katia slipped off the bed, clumsily redressing himself. "What time is it?"
"A little after seven," she said, pulling clothes from her closet. "I already warned the staff that you won't arrive until eight or nine."
Tousen finished buttoning his shirt. "Why? The lab is close by."
She turned as if he were joking. When he simply returned her gaze, she chuckled. "You don't want to wear your pre-sex clothes to the lab, do you?"
Tousen could feel warmth in his cheeks. He'd surmised that what had happened was sexual in nature. But, hearing her say it, confirm it, made his stomach drop. "Point taken," he said, trying to keep the tone light.
But Katia heard it. After throwing a shirt over her messy hair, she came around the bed to hold Tousen's hands. Her soft brown gaze met his as she said, "This doesn't have to be….more." Her hand shook slightly at the word. "I'm just glad that you, um….that you gave it a chance." She smiled, rubbing her thumbs over Tousen's knuckles.
So many thoughts clouded Tousen's judgment. "Give me time," he requested, holding her hands a little tighter.
Her smile grew, pushing her cheeks up and lighting her eager eyes. "I'll give you all the time in the world. But, I will warn you, in Breathless culture, it's rude to keep a lady waiting."
Tousen smiled at the ease of her joke. At how she managed to calm the turmoil, even if only for a moment. He didn't have to make a decision right away. She was giving him time, patience. And that was all he could ask for.
Gently taking her hands from his, she continued, "Go on. Get yourself a shower and a healthy breakfast. I'll see you in a few hours."
Tousen nodded, taking his lab coat from a hanger on the back of her door. How he remembered its location and not the sex, he wasn't sure.
Still, as the front door to Katia's apartment shut behind him, he felt the cold return full force. Not just because the lack of Katia's warmth allowed it to. No. This time, it was more than the chilled ache of having lost Isaiah. This time, it was a harsher, icy feeling that burned with rage. The apparition had taken over without permission only to fuck a woman with a body that was not its to control.
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