I remember, when I was younger I used to ask a lot of people super ignorant/unintentionally rude things, I meant nothing by it of course I just was curious and had no idea how to phrase it. The people that really helped me to figure out stuff and who guided me in the right directions were those who were patient and kind and took time to explain more to me so I understood, as well as explaining 'hey it's rude to question this...'
It may not work with some people but I always appreciate those who take time, I learn new things and back when I was a teen it helped open my mind up to a lot of different things. (I was a fairly sheltered little twerp).
I'm sorry you had to go through this, and I am not saying everyone's a well meaning ignorant twerp like I was, some are just crude but those are just my suggestions to help with things. I'm sure it's grating though.
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