With a moan I tried to get up. Every muscle in my body pushing against my will of moving. My eyes burning like I played too long with my phone. What happened? Everything felt heavy and empty. Dried tears grazing my tired face. The burning in my eyes got stronger.

”I really should stop reading at night. At the end I need glasses.” I murmured to myself. My voice was almost gone. I felt sick, but I couldn’t remember why I should be. Finally, my body lifted. A burning sensation, blinding my senses. A well-known feeling of dizziness overcame me. “Did I party last night?” I asked myself but couldn’t find an answer. I forgot what had happened. “A sign of too much alcohol. It’s probably because I never got drunk before.” I shook my head in disbelief that I really got wasted at some high school party. Still questioning were I got drunk, I realized where I was.

Home. I was back home. My brain tried to put puzzle pieces together that didn’t want to be touched or looked at. Deep down I felt like my theory with the party was deadly wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. The blue room felt cold, and my body mirrored the atmosphere. I need a shower. A hot shower to wash away last night and whatever crazy thing I did.

The water was slowly warming up my blueish skin to a warm peachy colour. I hummed a few songs with the rhythm of the water drops. Creating an atmosphere my mind was desperately reaching for. Still not knowing what things I did last night, I went downstairs. Mom was already gone for work, but the smell of fresh baked bread made every morning better.

Reaching for the bread a yellow note caught my eye. It wasn’t Mom’s nor Kira’s. Curious I took the note of the table and started reading it out loud.

Good morning, Kaya,

Last night you went a little overboard with the fancy wine. But don’t worry Mr. Bakker brought you back home. Save, as far as I could tell.

See you later Kitten – MOM <3

Hearing my voice echoing through the greenish brown kitchen made even more uncomfortable than the note itself. And since when did mom call me kitten? And I would never drink alcohol, especially not with a teacher while trying to learn something. I swallowed hard, their had to be an explanation for all this but it sadly had to way until after school. I can’t risk another grade drop.

With the worst feeling in my gut, I left the house. At school I subconsciously tried to avoid Mr. Bakker as much as I could. But reality hit me once again when one of my classmates announced the Substitute teacher for our fine art class. It was my favourite class of the year and my most anticipated. Hoping that he wouldn’t ruin it and a fast-beating heart I sat patiently on my designated chair.

Minutes that felt like seconds later Mr. Baker stood in the door frame. The same smile as last night. My body responded with a shaking wave of anxiety filled hormones. Overwhelmed by the feeling and fearing to thrown up I didn’t notice the instruction given.

The darked haired man came straight up to me, ignoring the students asking questions.

“Kaya, don’t you want to grab a few pencils and some paint from the back with me?” Looking up in shear fear, I slowly nodded. He turned and left the room, while I slowly made my way after him. I was shaking uncontrollably by now and my mind was racing. Everything felt out of place, and I just wanted to die right here.

In the small room, where every teacher kept their stuff and some things like pencils and paint for fine art classes, he awaited me. Casual leaning against one of the tables placed in the middle of the room. The dirtiest smile I could imagine a human was able to portrait grazed his soft face. Wouldn’t I know that he was my teacher, I would say he looked quite attractive.

Legs crossed he pointed with his whole hand towards one of the shelves full of seemingly useless things. My head followed the stretched out, muscular arm. My eyes were searching for the things he declared to grab earlier but the only thing I could see was newspaper over newspaper. I slowly turned back towards the raven-haired man next to me. Every move I tried to calculate if I could upset him and if he could get mad at me for it.

As if we communicated through our eyes, he got up and walked towards me. The energy that naturally was his, was poor torture for me. He portrayed my biggest fear, and he knew it. His face took on the smile again and his bog hands placed themselves around my waist. My breath started to copy my heartbeat. The man behind me place himself closer. Our bodies seemed to form an alley against my mind. One of his rough hands slides from my waist towards the lower centre of him body.

I sharply breath in and tried to keep my mind calm. But everything seemed on fire. Running out of the burning house that was my mind. I freezed. I didn’t know what was happening. The thing I knew was that I wanted it to stop. NOW!

I could hear the bell ring and prayed that he would let me go. The students outside were loud. The footsteps went from wilde desert to dead midnight city in mere seconds. Tears started to form as he continued his act of feeling down my body. Please let it stop!

He leaned towards me his breath hit my warmed-up skin and a squeak left my sore throat.

“Don’t be so shy.” He pulled me suddenly closer. His bulged pressed right above my butt. I could feel is suppressed desire to just take me here and now. Where everyone could hear my screams.

“I know you like it.” My fogged-up mind told me that I should scream, but nothing left my mouth. I was begging myself to run, scream or to shove him away.

“I would love to take you home with me. Loving you from dawn to midnight repeatedly. Until your voice belongs to me.” Without another word he let go of me and then left the room with a few pencils like nothing every happened.

I still stood pressed against the shelve. Shaking as the result. My mind went blank and the tears rolling down the rosy checks of mine. Disgusted by his acted I tired to just forget it. In the hope it wouldn’t happened again. But deep down I knew that this was just the start of my journey straight to hell.