When I get back into my car, I take out my phone and call Dean. It rings for what feels like forever, then I hear the line click.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dean, it's Cas."

"Hey, man. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I was wondering if we could meet up and talk about last night? I wanted to apologize-"

"Cas, you don't need to apologize."

"But I do. I was a complete asshole and I shouldn't have blamed everything that happened in New York on you. Can you at least indulge me and let me do this in person?"

He laughs, and I feel my face warm. "Sure, if it'll make you feel better."

"Okay. Why don't we meet at the park? We could go to the willow tree. Or you can pick where we go." I suggest, and I mentally face palm. You're acting like a middle schooler asking out his crush.

"That sounds good. See you in 15?"

"See you in 15." I say, and we disconnect the call. I rub my hands against my jeans, realizing that they were incredibly sweaty. Great. One talk with Sam and Gabe, and I'm a mess, I think to myself as I pull out of Gabe's driveway.  Maybe that's what I needed. I needed a talk, and that includes some harsh truths. Do I still love him? Am I just making this up in my head?

"No, stop it. You're self-sabotaging again." I mutter to myself as I turn onto the road leading to the park. It's going to be fine. You guys are going to talk, figure things out, and start over. It'll be fine. Pulling into the parking lot, I grin when I see Dean leaning against his car, staring out towards the lake. Just like old times, I guess.

"Dean!" I call out, and he turns to me, and my heart skips a beat when he smiles at me, beginning to walk towards my car. 

"Hey, man." 

"So."

"So..." He replies, a grin on his features. "You said you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah. Do you want to go to Willow, or do you want to go somewhere else?"

"We can go over to Willow." He says, and I think my nerves short circuit when he smiles at me. God, what is wrong with me? All we're doing is talking. We aren't slinking around and hiding like we used to. We awkwardly make our way over to Willow and sit down, our backs against the rough bark of the tree. We sit in silence, staring out at the mini lake that was in the middle of the park.

"So, what exactly did you want to talk about?" Dean asks, and I sigh. 

"I wanted to apologize. I was a complete ass to you last night, and all you were trying to do is help."

"If I had known that it would give you a panic attack, I wouldn't have brought you there."

"Well, you don't know what happened. I mean, you do, but not my side of it."

He looks at me, concerned. "What's your side of it?"

"You sure you want to hear this?" I ask, mainly for myself. I haven't shared any of this with anyone, even Hannah. "It's not pretty."

"You tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine?" he says, and I chuckle. "Only fair."

"Yeah, yeah that works." I respond, and I release a shaky breath. Dean grabs my hand, and I stop breathing for a second. "Okay. In order for you to really understand my life the last five years, I have to go back to the night you left."

"Okay. I'm listening."

"Well, that night, I kept the flight. I got on that plane and went to New York. I kept the apartment we were going to rent, and I picked up a couple extra gigs until I could afford to pay the rent for the two-person apartment I was living in. Eventually, I got over you." I pause, and I look up from my hands. Dean was intently staring at me, and I feel my face warm again. What is my issue? All I'm doing is TALKING. It's not like I'm proposing to him.

"And that's when I met Adam. I was bartending at a local club where the apartment was, and I offered to take him home after he had one too many that night. One thing led to another, and Adam asked me to stay the night. Soon after that, Adam and I started seeing each other, which led to my introduction to his boss, Jonah. Adam had heard me singing in the shower one day and told Jonah that I would be a valuable asset to the record company. But the high that we were in in the beginning of our relationship was starting to fade. By now, I was so desperate to be loved by someone who was out and open that I let things slide. I had caught Adam in lies and cheating on me multiple times, but I let him back in every time. We even went to couples therapy and we tried to make things work. For a while it did- we were happy, we were thinking about even getting married. But then the record company had to make some cuts, which included Adam's division." 

"Did he...hurt you?"

"Yes. A few times. He would get really drunk, blame me for him losing his job. He even went as far as to call Jonah and have him fire me so he could have his job back. I think that's when Bela and Adam started sleeping together."

"Cas, I'm sorry-"

"It's not your fault, Dean. I was the one who kept letting him in time and time again. But anyways, back to Bela and her...wonderful personality." I say, and Dean chuckles. He shifts closer to me, his knee almost touching mine. 

"Who's Bela?"

"Bela was my writing partner. But then we started having different approaches to how Jake should write his songs, so we parted ways- but not before I was offered a position on Jake's new album as a sound-mixer. Bela was jealous, so she told Jonah that I was only trying to get on Jakes album to get closer to him. Jonah apparently believed her and fired me, and now we're here." 

"Wow... that's a lot. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Well, it made me who I am today. I mean, I still didn't appreciate how I had to leave Lebanon, but I'm glad I left." I reply. "Now I believe it is your turn."

"Yes, I guess it is. Alright, where do I start?"