I had no allegiances to the Talark family or the Tirith kingdom. But I had been given a second life, I would not waste it. to do so would spit in the face of my past self as well as Rook. The boy did not deserve the fate that befell him. So, I would grant his name salvation if I couldn’t do the same for his soul. It was the least I could do seeing as I had stolen his life. I had to make up for that somehow. Bartak jumped as I opened the door to the study. He looked relieved to see me. I am certain he had thought I would have killed myself. Again, I have little doubt of that having happened if I was truly Rook. So, I waved Bartak in. keeping my head low, as if I was hiding my shame, I let the giant of a man pass by. 

He paused for a second, as if he wanted to comfort me, but stopped himself. He pushed farther in towards the far side of the room. He stopped facing out the window, watching wind push leaves around the garden and shake the vines that reached up the panes of glass. “So, I take it you finished reading your records?” Bartak spoke softly. His voice was hurt, it seemed he might have blamed himself for Rooks poor condition. I didn’t respond to him though knowing a rhetorical question when I heard one.

“I am sorry that you had to read that. If I could go back and change everything, I would. I am sorry I failed you so.” I flinched at his words. This man truly blamed himself for what happened. How could this man, who did nothing but serve his Lord blame himself like this? He did as he was told, he did everything to help Rook. He shouldn’t blame himself. My eyes widened as I looked back towards the tome. The final log written within. Rook had said Bartak made things worse for him. That was wrong, it was beyond wrong. I felt a burning anger at that. something inside me was angry about what was writtern. You stupid boy! I growled and stormed to Bartak shoving at his back with what mediocre strength my body had. I wanted to be shocked, to question my own actions but i felt i had to do this. Bartak didn’t move from the hit but he flinched like that of a man who was struck in the face. He looked at me as I glared up at the man. 

“NO!!!” I roared with all my strength. “Don’t you dare say that! You did nothing wrong; you never did anything wrong!” I howled at the man as I reeled an arm back and struck his chest. The hit was pathetic, but it still sent pain shooting up my arm from punching a metal breast plate. I ignored it to hit the man again. My attacks doing more harm to my body than they ever could Bartak.

He just stared down at me in absolute shock. “You are not to blame for this and don’t you ever try!” I emphasized each word with a hit against the man’s chest. I knew this anger was misplaced. I knew it was illogical. I wasn’t truly Rook Talark so I shouldn’t have cared. But I was Deacon Crown, I was a Mage who spent his whole life struggling to survive. Trying to be better than not just myself, but every other Mage who dared let themselves fall and become monsters. I saved people, I may never had been thanked for what I did, but I knew full well that I would rather people see another tomorrow than suffer. 

I spent my life making sure no one had to feel the pain I felt. I would be damned if I let this new life cost someone their happiness because of my bodies previous owners own short comings. Rook Talark was a child who didn’t know better, but he should never have hurt someone who was so deeply loyal to him like this. My fist crashed into Bartaks chest piece one final time, blood dripping from my now torn knuckles as I heaved from the exertion.

I turned my glare on Bartak making him flinch. I didn’t know how I looked, I doubted it was that intimidating from how small I was now, but I needed this man to understand. I may not be the true Rook Talark, but I was not going to let this man who had done nothing but show me kindness torment himself like this. He did not deserve that whatsoever. “The only person at fault is me.” I said slowly, carefully to make sure Bartak understood me. “I should have tried harder; I shouldn’t have forced you into such a position. You are not the lord.” I turned to glared at the stupid record throwing an angry finger at it. “This is my fault, and I will face the consequences. I failed as a Lord, I will pay for that, but please don’t blame yourself for my failures.” 

I let my head fall back as I shielded my eyes with my arm. Again, I had no right to be this angry, I truly didn’t know where it was coming from. It bit so deep into me though that I wondered if a part of Rook Talark was still inside me. a small part, but still a part of him. After all, Bartak was like a farther to the boy.

This was his body so if even a fragment of him was still inside of it why wouldn’t he be so upset about Bartak blaming himself. The man was like a father figure to him from everything he did for me up to how Rook mentioned him in every record he made of his life in Cal’sar. Whatever was driving me to this anger didn't matter because I knew one thing. For this new life to work I needed Bartak. He was going to be the only person who could help me in this new life. I felt his giant hand rest on my shoulder, and I braved a glance at the man. He smiled even as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. 

He sniffed and controlled himself before speaking. “I am sorry my Lord, I should have known better. But this is not a burden you must bear alone.” He fell to a knee trying to be more eye level with me. a difficult feet with his massive size but the thought was what mattered. “I have been with you sense you were but an infant. I guess I blamed myself for not guiding you properly. I am sorry you had to learn such things first, to learn I had not been able to guide you as I should have.”

I bit my lip at those words. Damn this man, he was too kind. Then again, maybe I was too to let my emotions flare so drastically. To let whatever part of Rook still inside me push me to this. I took a breath and moved to sit across from the man. Both of us just stared sadly at the floor between us. We both seemed lost for words. “He was…” I winced and cleared my throat at my mistake of words. “I wasn’t a very good lord was I.” Bartak snorted at me as he leaned back resting against the wall. “You weren’t a bad Lord; you just weren’t ready yet.” He carefully pulled at the straps of his armor loosening it some to get more comfortable. “I told your father making you a Lord wasn’t going to help. To be a Lord is a lesson in patients and determination. All things you would develop in time. He was just tired of…” He trailed off not able to finish his sentence. I let out a bitter chuckle at that.

“He was tired of Rook disappointing him.” I winced again at the reference of myself in the third person. Living as Rook was going to be harder than I thought. Thankfully Bartak missed my words. “No! you didn’t disappoi…” He winced catching the lie for what it was. Poor Rook. I thought feeling a bit of sadness deep inside as Bartak let his head fall into his hands. Judging from how deeply Rook had idolized his brother it didn’t surprise me that he would be seen a disappointment from his father. 

I will need to meet Seiran someday. I thought wondering just how great he really was. No one was truly perfect, and I feared what sort of brother he may well have been. For all I know he was less kind than Rook tried making him out to be in his records. It was rare for someone who was so wholeheartedly loved to exist. Most often such people weren’t truly that good. It being little more than a front to inflate their own egos. Many Mages certainly thought that way. But that was a thought for another time. With a deep breath I looked towards Bartak.

“Do you think I can be better.” I asked knowing full well I will do everything in my power to fix Rook’s past mistakes. I understand that he wasn’t ready to be a leader, but he had caused so much damage that I felt it was only right I make up for his short comings. It was all I could do now that I was Rook Talark. Once I did that, I would be able to learn what led to my reincarnation. After all the only thing I needed was time. Something I now had plenty of. Bartak looked up to me. his eyes tracing my face, searching for something. 

Maybe he was looking for some familiar recognition or even a spark of who Rook used to be. I don’t know what he saw, but it had him smile. I hoped I could make it up to this man, Bartak was going to play an important role in my new life after all. I had to properly reward him. After all, I was Deacon Crown, no kindness that passed my way went unrewarded. “Do not worry my Lord, it has not been long. Any damages incurred can be repaired and I promise you this that I shall also be better.”

I wanted to tell him it wasn’t necessary that he was perfect as he was, but I could see it from the fire in his eyes that nothing I said would change the man’s opinion. I had a lot of work ahead of me. At least this man would aid me in what was to come.