Desire

Omoide exits the elevator and walks past the kitchen.  He can hear Sumi and Keibiin discussing how to best serve dinner while dinnerware clinks against the stone countertops. He smiles to himself as he slips past them unnoticed.  'I'm glad Keibiin has bonded with someone.'  He thinks to himself as he walks down the hall towards the guestrooms.

He comes to the door of his room and grabs the handle but stumbles a bit as his vision wavers and blurs.  He steadies himself against the door with his other hand. Taking a deep breath, he opens the door and walks into his room, then closes the door and goes to turn the lock but thinks better of it since Keibiin will need access.

He walks quickly to the bed and starts to undress but grabs his phone from his gym bag and sends a quick text to Keibiin.

To Keibiin: I'm being summoned….

He continues to undress until he down to his compression shorts and lays down on the bed.  Closing his eyes, he feel his consciousness slipping away with his soul tugged right behind it.

Omoide is weightless, his consciousness like a fine mist and his soul is like a pulsating golden orb, circle one another in the fading darkness.  He wills both to merge and take the shape of his form left behind in the guestroom at Benjimin's home.  He can now sense himself as a more solid form, feeling gravity and a solid surface beneath his body. 

As his equilibrium returns, he sits upright and spreads his hands out beside himself.  He knows he must open his eye slowly as sometimes his consciousness is left floating or on the edge of some cavernous world.  He becomes very disorientated when this happens.

Slowly, he opens his eyes and expects to gaze upon a sea of green grass but instead sees, an office?  This is a new illusion that his god has created, probably from the memories he has released to him.  Was his god doing this for his benefit, to make him feel more comfortable in an environment that he is used to being in?

As he surveys his surroundings, his eyes stop on a grand wooden desk made of dark red, almost black, wood.  Polished to a mirror finish.  On top of the desk sits a laptop, a pair of matching black lamps and various other knick-knacks that one may have on an office desk.

Omoide is curious as to why his god had created this particular illusion but must wait until he appears to get answers.  Standing slowly, he begins to walk around the office space, looking at the books on the book shelf and the certificates and awards hung on the walls.  This is very curious indeed.

The door opens and a man dressed in a well tailored suite begins to walk into the office.  He smiles at Omoide as he closes the door and takes a few more steps into the room. Omoide instantly falls to his knees, bowing deeply, with his forehead touching the floor.  "My God.  Thank you for summoning me."  He says quietly.

Tamashii tilts his head to the side clicks his tongue, "My soul, Omoide.  I have already told you, you do not need to bow to me this deeply.  You may stand and face me when you are in my presence."  He waves a hand and walks around Omoide to the desk at the other end of the room.

"Take a seat, Omoide." He says as his hand indicates a chair situated on the other side of the desk, facing him.

"Yes, my god."  Omoide says as he quickly takes his place in front of the chair.  He bows at the waist and waits for Tamashii to take his seat.

Tamashii sits down and rolls himself closer to the desk, "Just like that. Plenty of respect without over doing it."

Omoide stands upright and sits down in the overly plush leather chair.  He watches Tamashii as he leans his elbows on the desk and laces his fingers together, resting his chin on them.  Omoide nervously swallows and tries to relax.  Tamashii rolls his eyes and relaxes back into his own chair.

"Do I really make you that uncomfortable?  You have been my Watchman for….., well, since the beginning.  Please, relax.  We agreed that our relationship was akin to father and son, didn't we?"  Tamashii raises his eyebrows as he looks at Omoide.

Omoide's facial expression changes from shock to realization, "Yes, my god, Tamashii.  We did have that discussion.  I apologize and will remember this from now on."  He also relaxes back into his chair and crosses his legs, resting his hands on his knees, overlapping them.

Tamashii's attitude perks up, "Good, good.  Now, I have summoned you for a specific purpose.  There is a soul, not one of the 100 original souls, but a soul none-the-less."  Tamashii watches Omoide's expression intently for any sign of recognition but all he sees is an open expression, waiting for more information.

Tamashii continues, "This soul is currently known as Benjimin Madelin on the world plane."  Omoide's expression shifts quickly between shock, confusion and realization. 'Ah, there it is.  So this soul is known to him.' Tamashii thinks to himself.

Tamashii waits for Omoide to say something.  It take several seconds but he does finally speak, "Tamashii, what is required of me?  I know this soul, Benjimin Madelin.  You have seen him in my memories and I am currently attending to him as he has been ill.  I didn't sense any unrest within his soul or mind but there are some very odd symptoms he has been displaying."

Tamashii appears to be listening but then waves his hand in a dismissive fashion towards Omoide, "Yes, yes.  Vessels are not indestructible and their minds are incapable of perceiving something that isn't part of their natural lives.  But, you say there was no unrest in his soul?  How deeply did you go into it, Omoide?"

He thinks about when he unintentionally started to enter Benjimin's soul.  Keibiin cautioned him not to continue since Benjimin was still weak and recovering. "Just the surface.  He was still very weak and had just come out of a coma so I didn't want to probe too deeply."

Tamashii notices the concern that flashed across Omoide's face as he recalls the memory.  "Is there something else that you need to tell me, Omoide?  Did something happen when you started to enter this soul?"  He leans forward, clasping his hands together and resting his elbows on the desk.  He watches Omoide's face, eyes and posture making sure not to miss any subtle changes that may occur.

Omoide continues but is staring at the carpet in front of the desk.  His expression is one of confusion.  "I didn't intentionally try to enter his soul.  Something pulled me to it and for a second, just the briefest of moments, I felt….I felt…I'm not sure what it was but it was like I couldn't resist making the connection and just following it." He looks up at Tamashii with glistening eyes.

Tamashii's face softens as he leans back and relaxes in his chair again.  "Omoide, my first soul.  Do you have any memory of this feeling before?  Search your memories, all the way back to the beginning.  Take your time."  Tamashii smiles resting his head back against the chair, staring at the ceiling.  He slowly closes his eyes and waits.

Omoide shifts to a more comfortable position in his chair and closes his eyes, hands gently clasped on his lap.  He begins to search his memories for this same feeling.  Several faces pass through his consciousness.  Then places and scenes but nothing stirs the same feeling.  Actually, he has no similar feelings about anyone or any place in his memories.  They all seem like colorless canvases just strung together with nothing standing out.

He begins to search deeper and faster with more and more monochrome images passing through his consciousness.  He feels panicked and tries to slow the flow of memories so he can focus on a face, a building, anything! 

He suddenly gasps, eyes flying open.  Tamashii is kneeling in front of him, his hands on either side of his face. "Oh Omoide, my first soul."  He leans forward and rests his forehead against Omoide's.  "The memories are gone so you wont find them.  I'm so sorry, my soul.  I tried to warn you but you insisted, you wanted the pain to be gone and I wanted you to be happy and content." 

Omoide pulls out of Tamashii's hold, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.  "What.. What are you talking about, my god, Tamashii.  What did I ask you to do to my memories?  You took them?  You didn't just see them, but you removed them!"  He is almost shouting at the end.

Tamashii rocks back on his heels and stands up, moving to lean back against the desk.  "It was a long time ago.  Many lifetimes on the world plane.  You were distraught, as you are now but not because you couldn't find the memories, feel the feelings.  You were on the brink of self-destruction because of the memories and the feelings they brought on.  It was the only solution to ease your pain." 

"I don't understand.  Why would I ask you to take my memories and why would I lose the ability to feel…. Anything…"  Omoide slumps down in the chair, eyes still staring at his god.

Tamashii crosses his arms over his chest and chuckles as he speaks, "Oh, you can feel emotions, obviously.  You are angry right now, are you not?" He stares back at Omoide, raising an eyebrow.  "You asked me to remove the memories of affection and love.  The desire to feel these emotions.  Instead, you find kinship with the vessels of the world plane.  You feel devotion but only on a level of friendship and loyalty."  He finishes as he pushes himself off the desk and walks back around to his chair.

"I don't understand."  Omoide simply states and looks to Tamashii for some sort of comfort, an explanation that makes sense.

Tamashii sighs.  "I knew it would come to this.  At some point, you would realize something was missing."  He sits down, not breaking eye contact with Omoide.

"I cannot restore your memories.  I believe that would devastate your soul.  What I can do is let you watch some of them." He looks at Omoide for a hint of emotion at this offer.

"I want to understand why I would ask for my memories to be removed and my desire to love be suppressed.  If this is one way to explain it, then I am willing."  He nods and stands once again.

Tamashii stands and gestures towards the plush leather couch that sits in front of the ceiling high windows, "I suggest you get comfortable, Omoide.  I can't have you passing out and hurting yourself, now can I?"  He smiles and takes Omoide by the hand.

Once he is seated on the couch and resting back comfortably, Tamashii places a laptop on the coffee table and inserts a flash drive into the side of it.

Omoide raises and eyebrow, "Really?  You keep my memories on a flash drive?"

Tamashii laughs loudly, "No, no.. It actually looks like a blue orb of light but in this illusional setting, I felt this would be appropriate."  He pats Omoide on the thigh and clicks on the file icon named 'Omoide Memory Extraction'.