“Sweetie, I doubt that will happen. From what I just saw, I think he's as much in love with you as you are with him. And yes, I realize that doesn't mean much given that neither of us knows him very well but I really think he's in love with you too” Char said as her front door opened to reveal her mom and little Annabelle prompting her to say “come on, I'm sure Anna and mom would be willing to spend the rest of the night with us.” Chuckling, I nodded before saying “I'd love nothing more than to spend the night with my real family.” Climbing out of the car, we headed for the front door as Anna came running to me. Scooping her up. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and said “don’t worry big brother, I'm sure what ever it is will be just fine.”
“What do you mean Annabear?” I asked a little confused as we approached the door.
“She's talking about whatever it is that has you crying, sweetheart” mom said giving me a sad smile.
“Oh, that's just. It's not something I can do anything about right now but I'm sure it'll be fine too” I smiled sadly at mom as we went inside the house. Standing in the foyer as I let Anna down, Char said "why don't we all go get changed into pajamas and have a slumber party in the living room?"
"Sure, that sounds like fun" mom said taking Anna and walking towards her room. When they were out of ear shot, Char turned to me and said "that was a brave thing to say to mom but are you really going to be okay?"
"I'm honestly not sure. Come on though, we should go get changed too" I shrugged heading towards Chars' room.
The next few hours passed in a quiet bliss as we spent time together just hanging out, watching movies, and eating junk food until little Annabelle fell asleep. Waiting another half hour to be sure she was out cold, mom said "are you really sure you'll be okay, Harley?"
"Not really. I told you about the boy I've had a crush on before. Well, as it turns out he has one on me too and Char thinks this could be a good chance to finally start living my life how I want and not how my dad wants. The problem is I'm scared. I'm scared to fall in love. I'm scared to let him in to see the real me. I'm scared that when I am ready to tell him, he won't feel the same" I explained starting to cry again.
"Oh baby. I understand your fears but I agree with Charlotte. I think this is a chance for you to live the life you chose and not the one Jeffery Emerson sees for you. You know I love you like my own son and would do anything for you. So, I want you to think about what's best for you not what your father thinks is best. It's about what you want from now on not what anyone else wants for you or from you, okay?" mom said stroking Annas' hair.
"I know momma and you know I love you guys like you were my real family. The problem is, I don't know what I want. Do I love him? Yes, am I ready for him to know that yet? Not in the slightest. I think in this case, I'm more scared of myself than I am of anything my father will do or say" I shrugged still crying.
“Come on, let’s go to bed and let you sleep on it. Okay?” Char says gently taking my hand in hers. Nodding, we get up to head towards her room when my phone buzzes in my other hand alerting me to a new message. Glancing at my lock screen, I see it’s a new BeYourself message. Looking back up at Char before unlocking my phone, I click on the app to see a new message from Dante.
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Hey, just wanted to say thanks for hanging out with me tonight. It was a lot of fun and I really hope we can do it again soon. Good night Harley and tell Charlotte I said thanks and good night too.]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Yeah it was and you’re welcome. Thanks for inviting us and I really hope we can too. I’ll tell her. Good night Dante.]
Smiling as I lock my phone and look back up at Char, I said “Dante says thanks for hanging out tonight, it was fun and good night.” Chuckling, she said “oh did he now. Anyway, let’s get to bed sweetie.” Rolling my eyes, I followed her to her room before heading to the attached bathroom to get finished getting ready for bed. Coming back in the bedroom, I plugged in my phone into the extra outlet on her bedside table before curling up on the far side facing the wall. The last thought I had as I fell asleep was “the only thing I want is to live my life how I want but am I really ready to risk everything to be with the guy I love. Oh my god, I just admitted to myself that I love him.”
The next day when I went home, I walked into the dining room to see my parents seated at the table. As I moved passed them, dad said “there is a medical conference and I want you to come with your mother and I.” Stopping at the kitchen door, I turned back and quirked a brow at my mother to be sure I heard him right. Giving me a slight nod, I asked “when is the conference?”
“Next week and we’ll be there for an entire week” dad said and then just to be sure I asked “over thanksgiving break?”
“Yes Harley, over thanksgiving break. Is there a problem?” he asked putting down the paper to turn and look at me.
“No sir, no problem. I just wanted to be sure I understood when the conference was. When do we leave?” I asked trying really hard not to show how irritated I really am.
“Friday as soon as school lets out you need to come straight home and we’re leaving for the airport” dad said turning back to read the paper.
“Yes sir” I said going into the kitchen to get a bottle of water before going to my room. Once I was locked safely in my room, I flopped onto my back, pulled out my phone, and immediately messaged both Char and Dante to tell them about this new development. Still holding my phone above my head, I immediately received messages back from both of them.
[Char: Are you fucking kidding me??? I was hoping we could hang out over break.]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Oh that’s going to suck. I wonder if you’ll be able to talk the entire time you’re there. That is, if you want to.]
Immediately messaging them back, I sent Char one back first.
[Harley: I’m not even kidding. I made him give me all the details about when the stupid trip was because I couldn’t believe he’d want me to go to some stupid conference with him let alone over Thanksgiving break.]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Yeah it does but I should be able to message while I’m there. Apparently, I have to come straight home after school on Friday to leave for the airport and I’ll be gone all of Thanksgiving week :(]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Well, maybe we can still use that time to get to know each other better.]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Yeah maybe. I just hope my dad gets me my own hotel room because sharing one with my parents would be really really weird.]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Yeah, that would be pretty weird. So, do you want to keep talking or do you need to “study”?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): I’d love nothing more than to keep talking to you. I’ll just have to pretend to be studying if either of my parents come to check on me but I’m so far ahead that it’s kind of pointless trying to study what I already know by heart. Anyway, what shall we talk about?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Why am I not even surprised? Wanna play twenty questions to get to know each other better?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Sure, you wanna go first?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Sure. Hmmm... Favorite food?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Ooh, that’s a tough one... maybe a medium well steak with onion and chive cream cheese. What about you?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Ooh that sounds delicious. I think mine is probably chicken alfredo. Lets see... favorite musician?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): I don’t know that I have one but I think my favorite type of music is probably pop or R&B. What about yours?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Hmm I think probably a mix of different artists. My favorite song right now is a cover of “Treat you Better” by Shawn Mendez that was done by two guys and changed to be gender neutral instead of aimed towards the straight crowd. But I like metal and metal covers too.]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Oh wow, that sounds interesting. Since you’re also a closet nerd ;) what’s your favorite book?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Hey I take offense... Okay, there’s no point pretending it’s not true... LOL. I think my favorite book is a fantasy series by Patricia Briggs about a woman named Mercedes Thompson. She’s a coyote shape shifter and falls in love with an alpha werewolf who also happens to be her next door neighbor. What about you?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Oh, I’ve read those! Warren and Kyle are awesome. Not saying the rest of the story isn’t but I like how she portrayed their relationship. I think that series might also be my favorite. What’s your favorite movie?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Wow! I would’ve never guessed that! I think my favorite movie is probably <nerd alert incoming> Lord of the rings, the whole series. I know you don’t watch many movies but what about you?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Actually, I watch movies when I go to Chars’ house. She even convinced me to watch Anime with her lol and to prove how much of a nerd I am, I really enjoyed it. Anyway, my favorite movie is probably Sweeney Todd. I like the musical element but I think I just really like the fact that it’s a dark story.]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Oh wow, I didn’t expect that to be your favorite movie. But now that you opened the door, I’m curious, what’s your favorite Anime?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): I think it’s a tie between Yuri on Ice and Love Stage. Yuri is a beautiful story about pushing yourself to your limits for someone you love while Love Stage is a story about self discovery and acceptance. What about you?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): I guess I should’ve expected that lol. I prefer darker anime so I think my favorite is probably Tokyo Ghoul or Angels of Death. Though I’m not opposed to watching any other anime. When’s your birthday?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Actually, that’s the other reason this sudden trip sucks. My birthday is November 22nd and I’ll be eighteen. *Sarcastic* Happy Birthday to me...]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Oh wow, that does suck. I guess I’ll have to talk to Char about doing something for you before you leave then ;D Anyway, mine is August 10th and I’m already eighteen. If you could’ve played a sport, which one would it have been?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Oh so your an old man! :D *cue laughter here* Just kidding, since you’re only three months older than me. I think if I could’ve played a sport, it would’ve been football or maybe soccer and definitely swimming. I love the water, it’s mostly how I stay in shape and serves as a relaxing relief from studying *cue eye roll*]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Okay, I’m curious... what’s your natural hair color?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): I’m naturally a brunette. Char and her mom helped me dye my hair. The way we figured it, I may not have control over much in my life but I can at least control how I look.]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Remind me to thank Char later for that one. I love your hair, it makes you look so damn sexy. Sorry if that weirds you out or anything. I just thought I should tell you the truth. Do you have any tattoos?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Yes, actually I’ve got a small cross tattooed on the left side of my ribs as a memorial to my grandad because he’s the only person aside from you, Char, and her family who told me I should live my life the way I wanted too. He’s also the only member of my family who knew I’m gay. What about you?]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Actually, I do too. I'm planning on getting another one this week though. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours ;p]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): Oh don't tempt me pretty boy ;)]
[HellBoy007 (Dante): Oh... I'm pretty huh? Is that really what you think of me or were you being sarcastic?]
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): I wonder...]
Laughing aloud, I thought “should I tell him the truth or should I lie... or should I only give him half the truth?” Messaging Char, I asked
[Harley: I just called Dante a “pretty boy” and he asked if that's really what I think of him. What should I tell him?]
[Char: Tell him the truth. You’ll never be yourself with him if you can’t tell him a simple truth about what you honestly think.]
[Harley: Okay, you have a point. I’ll tell him the truth.]
Then opening the BeYourself app, I clicked open the conversation we’d been having and told him the truth.
[NerdyWannaBe18 (Harley): I asked Char whether I should tell you the honest truth or not and she said I wouldn’t be able to be myself with you if I couldn’t tell you the simple and honest truth. So, no I don’t think you’re a pretty boy. I think you are fucking gorgeous. The day we started talking when you were at the football meeting in the court yard, I was so fixated watching the way your hair blew around in the wind like strands of pure gold that I didn’t realize I was watching you that long until you turned around meeting my eyes with your emerald ones and smirked those pretty pink lips at me.]
Closing the app after I hit send, I dropped my phone onto my chest and covered my face with both hands just in time for me to hear foot steps coming up the stairs towards me. Jumping up, I slipped my phone into my pocket and sat down at my desk to make it look like I was studying the randomly open text book that was in front of me. Pulling an empty notebook out of the drawer, I opened it and started writing a story that had been bouncing around in my head for a while now. Hearing the foot steps stop outside my door, I quickly turned the page and wrote down a fake note from the books pages just as my bedroom door opened. A few seconds passed before my mother put her hand on my shoulder and said “I know you aren’t happy about this trip. Trust me, I’m not either but you know it’s what we have to do to keep him happy. I’m sorry he only seems to care about himself sweetie and I promise I will try to make your birthday enjoyable whether we include your father or not.” Then leaning down, she kissed my head and turned to leave as I said “you’re right, I’m not happy mom. I wish I could be myself instead of always trying to be the perfect son for a man who barely acknowledges my existence. Hell, most of the time I’m only myself when I go over to Chars because it’s the only place I can be myself. There are things I need to tell you but I can’t because I know how he’ll react and it honestly scares me.” Turning back to face me, she came over and wrapped me in a hug before whispering in my ear “I already know baby. I know the reason you’ve never had a girlfriend even though Char is your best and only friend. I was just waiting for you to tell me yourself but I understand why you’re scared. I want you to know that I love you no matter what, even if you are gay and want nothing to do with being a doctor.” As tears slid from my eyes, I stood up and hugged my mother as I whispered “thank you momma, I love you so very much.”
“I love you too my baby” she said rocking us back and forth as I cried.
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