“I would ask how you knew what I was thinking but I think I already know the answer” I said looking at my hands that rested on the table top. Reaching across the table, he took my hand in his and gently said “you're not that hard to read when it comes to that but it was more the look of anger in your eyes that told me what you were thinking.”
“Yeah well any normal teenager wouldn't have known not to wash the wound with soap and water though. I wish I had the chance to be normal” I said not realizing what would unfold in the coming week.
The rest of the afternoon passed with fun and laughter until the alarm I'd set on my phone went off telling me it was time to go home. Frowning at my phone, I reached out and turned it off before looking at my friends and giving them a sad smile. Reaching over, Char took my hand and said “don't worry, well be here if you wanna talk while you're gone and we'll be here when you get back.” Mom nodded and added “and you know you can always escape as soon as you get back sweetie. Just try and make the most of seeing a new place while you're gone.” Looking over at Dante, I said “you're unusually quiet.”
“That's because they've already said pretty much everything I was going to say” he shrugged giving me a sad smile. Reaching over, I took his hand and said “I promise to message every day but I want you to hang out with Char as much as possible, okay?” Nodding, they both said “Okay, I promise” making everyone laugh. When the laughter had died down, I asked “want a ride home Dante?”
“Sure” he nodded and as we got up to head out, mom and Char hugged us both. While mom had Dante in her arms, she whispered “the escape goes for you too honey and any time you need patched up you can come to me, okay?”
“Thanks, I'll remember that” he chuckled looking at Char and I. Before I let her go, I whispered “take good care of him for me, okay?”
“Like you even had to ask baby” she chuckled back before kissing my cheek. We were quiet as we walked out to my car, when we were securely in the quiet confines of the pleather and fabric interior I turned to look at Dante and asked “what are you thinking really? I know there's something you didn't want to say in front of them.” It was quiet for the first half of the drive before he said “I'm going to miss being able to see you everyday. You're the reason I let them do what they do to me and I don't know if I'll have the strength not to fight back while you're gone.” Reaching over, I took his hand in mine and said “I have faith that you'll do what you can to not give them more to bully you about. I know how strong you are and you know you can message me all day everyday. Hell, we can even call each other at night to talk since the app has that feature now or if you'd prefer, I'll call you and you can delete your call history so they won't know. I know we can get through this together and you know you're not alone anymore.”
“I know, I just... Sometimes it feels like I am alone again and it scares me. Like today when they were beating me, I had to remind myself that I was letting them do this for a reason and then when I found out you were up there. I felt sad and happy because it meant that I wasn't alone even if I didn't know you were there in the first place” he said as a tear escaped his eye.
“I want you to remember something every time they do this to you. I want you to remember that you're not alone, that you have me, Char, Ms Harper, and even your mom and sister. I know it's going to be hard in the moment but you know you're stronger than they know. You had been keeping that secret for so long and now you don't have to whether some homophobic idiots think they've won or not, you can be proud of being yourself. I know I'm proud of you for being yourself despite what others think” I said squeezing his hand as I drove into our neighborhood. As I drove passed my house, I saw mom loading the car and slowed to a stop to tell her I'd be back in a minute.
“Hey sweetie, whose your friend?” She asked with a smile.
“Mom, this is Dante. Dante, this is my mom” I introduced them with an honest smile before adding “Dante lives two streets over. So, I'm just gonna take him home quick and I'll be right back, okay?”
“Sure sweetie. I'll let your dad know” she smiled at me before turning back to Dante to add “it was nice to meet you sweetie.”
“Thanks, you too Mrs. Emerson” he smiled back as she stepped away from the car to head back in the house. As I began to pull away down the road, Dante said “she seemed nice.”
“Yeah, she is though she does tend to worry a lot” I said glancing over at him. Taking my hand again, he said “she worries because she cares.”
“I know, sometimes it just feels overbearing” I said as he interlaced our fingers making my heart rate picked up.
When I pulled up in front of his house and parked my car, I looked down at our interlaced fingers and up to his face as he looked out the window. Taking a deep calming breath, I said “I know you're scared. Believe me, I am too but we have a plan and I'm sure this week will fly by before we know it.” Turning to look at me, a single tear escaped his beautiful emerald eyes as the remaining moisture made them sparkle in the afternoon sun. Unbuckling both of us, I pulled him into my arms and held him while he cried out his fear and frustration. When he had calmed down, he looked up at me before lightly brushing his lips against mine. Still holding him, I let him solidify the kiss and even deepen it for a few minutes before I broke it and whispered “I don't want to go but my dad will have a cow if I'm not back soon” as I leaned my head against his. Chuckling, he said “yeah and we don't want that” making me smile before he pecked my lips and leaned back. As he got out of the car, he said “you really are a sweetheart, Harley Emerson.” Laughing, I teased back “good then my secret identity is safe since you believe me to be this sweetheart.” As we both laughed, he said “you have the best sense of humor and I totally love it.” The unsaid part which I understood was him telling me he loves me without making it awkward by out right saying it. Smiling softly, he closed the door as I shifted the car into reverse before heading home.
As soon as I pulled into the driveway, mom and dad came out of the house heading for the car. Locking mine, as I went to go in the house mom yelled “I packed your stuff like you asked sweetie.”
“Thanks mom” I said as I quickly ran inside and grabbed my phone charger before heading back out and into dad's car. Popping in my headphones, I immediately opened my BeYourself app and messaged Dante.
[YouKnowTheRealMe: I'm glad you felt safe enough with me to let me see you cry though I'm sorry I'm part of the reason for it.]
[ClosetNerd10: You make me feel like myself more than I have in a long time. I will always try to keep that part of myself open to you.] Reaching over the back of the front bench seat, mom handed me my passport and boarding pass which I quickly stashed in my inner jacket pocket just before we arrived at the airport. Once dad parked the car, we grabbed our bags and headed inside the terminal. Another hour passed before we could board during which time I spent messaging Char and Dante while we waited. As we made ready to board, I sent them each one last message before putting my phone in airplane mode.
[Har: Be sure to stick close to Dante this week. He was really being hard on himself when I dropped him off. Love you sweetie.]
[YouKnowTheRealMe: Try not to be too hard on yourself while I'm gone. And if you need a smile, just remember that you're smart and funny and there are people who care about you even if the world seems to be against you.]
Boarding the plane, I took my seat buckled in and waited for this hell to begin. Several hours passed before we landed and deplaned as I switched my phone back out of airplane mode. Checking my phone, I noticed two new messages and smiled slightly. Clicking on my messenger app, I opened the one from Char first.
[Char: No worries sweetie. Love you too and let us know when you've made it there safe.]
Sending her a quick reply, I opened the BeYourself app and read the one from Dante.
[ClosetNerd10: I make no promises but I'll try. And as for the smile, all I have to do is think of you for that.]
Heading to the hotel, I was glad when dad handed me a room key with a different number than the one he and mom had. Heading to my room, I immediately went inside and made sure the door was locked before flopping onto the bed to call Char. As soon as she answered, she said “what? You bored already?”
“Is there really a way to not be bored on a four hour plane ride and a twenty minute drive with my parents?” I asked sarcastically.
“Okay, point taken. How's the hotel? Have you talked to Dante since you landed?” she chuckled.
“No, not yet. I'm really worried about him. He actually cried on my shoulder when I dropped him off. He's really trying hard not to become another fake version of himself with me and the bullying isn't helping” I told her running a hand down my face.
“Oh wow, yeah I can see why you’re worried. I’ll keep an eye on him this week and let you know if I think he’s going to try something. The code will be I’ll just send you his cellphone number that way you know to call him asap without your parents catching on” she said as I heard mom and little Annabelle in the background asking “is that HareBear?”
“Yes, I’m on the phone with Harley. They just made it to the hotel” she explained as I laughed before her mom asked the same question she did “has he talked to Dante yet?”
“No not yet, he wanted to let us know they made it safe before calling him” she explained before coming back to me and teasingly adding “go call your boyfriend and try to make him feel better.” Laughing, I said “yeah okay but please don’t say stuff like that in front of him. Remember, he doesn’t know how I really feel yet.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just go call him silly. Love you Har” she laughed.
“Love you too, Char. Give mom and Annabear a kiss for me” I laughed back as she hit the end button. Staring at my phone, I pulled up one of the rare photos I have of Dante, that he doesn’t know about, where he’s smiling a real genuine smile.
“God I love you silly boy” I mumbled as I closed my photo gallery and opened my contacts list. Scrolling down to Dante, I waited for him to pick up and when he did he sounded tired.
“Hello?” he said in a sleep ladden voice.
“Oh wow, even sleepy you sounds sexy” I laughed as he asked “Har, baby is that you? Am I still dreaming?”
“Yes it is and no you’re not because if you were I wouldn’t be across the country in the freezing streets of New York instead of in the warmer climate of New Mexico” I laughed again as he grunted and I heard the rustling of fabric.
“Are you safe in your hotel room then babe?” he asked sounding a little more awake.
“Yeah, we just got here like twenty minutes ago. I called Char to let them know first since that conversation would be shorter than this one” I said shifting to put my left arm up under my head.
“Hmmm... that makes sense” he said sounding sleepy again.
“Sorry if I woke you up, I just wanted to let you know I was safe. I’ll let you go back to sleep if you want” I said gently.
“No, I’m okay. Well, no I’m not honestly but there is nothing either of us can do about it for right now” he said sounding sad.
“Okay, then to paraphrase one of your lines ‘babe I just want you to know everything will be fine.’ So, relax and talk to me as if I’m laying right there next to you” I said dropping my voice down to gentler octave. Smiling, I listened to him breathing for a minute before he sobbed “I miss you so much. I know you just left but it feels like you won’t be coming back.”
“I promise, one way or another, I will come back to you. Saturday can’t come fast enough” I said knowing I sounded sad too. Hearing him sob again, I asked “have you eaten or drank anything since I dropped you off?”
“No, I wasn’t hungry” he said through his tears.
“I can understand that but cutie, you need to at least drink some water. You’re going to be light headed from all those tears coming from your gorgeous green eyes” I said getting a little more worried about him just as a knock sounded on his door.
“Hold on a sec babe” he said before moving the phone away from his ear and saying “come in” in a slightly louder voice. I could faintly hear someone say something before their voice got a little louder which meant they’d moved closer. Listening, I realize it was Grace just before Dante gave a sad chuckle and said “Harley was just telling me I needed to drink water to keep from being light headed.” I heard Grace chuckle too before saying loud enough for me to hear “thanks for taking care of our lovable dumbass” making me chuckle before Dante asked “did you hear that?”
“Yes and tell her I said your welcome and that I will do my best to keep looking after you even if I am so very far away” I laughed again.
“Well, at least you didn't call me a lovable dumbass” he laughed and I decided to tease him as I said “why state the obvious?”
“Hey... I take offense, okay no I really don't” he laughed and I said “ahhh there it is. We've broken the cycle of tears. Now to just keep it that way” I smiled as I thought about what he looked like laughing.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked pulling me out of my own mind.
“How'd you know I was thinking at all?” I smiled as I asked.
“Because you get quiet when you're thinking babe” he said sounding more like himself than he had since I left.
“Hmmm... I didn't realize I was that obvious” I teased making him chuckle as I smiled at him.
“Oh baby, you're anything but obvious. I just pay attention” he said sounding happy.
“I like hearing you happy” I smiled listening to him chuckle.
“I don't think I've been truly happy since dad died. At least not up until we started talking and figured out who each other were. Something in me change, like a lock being undone. I just felt free somehow” he said and I could just hear the smile in his voice.
“Yeah, I think I get the feeling. It's like a weight was lifted because we found someone we could be our true selves with” I chuckled.
“Yeah like that. I think I prefer to be the real me even if people don't agree with it” he said the happiness draining from his voice.
“Don't think about stupid people and their so called opinions. What matters is that you can freely be yourself like any other teen” I said trying to sooth him.
“I just... I hate that my happiness causes me physical pain” he said on the brink of tears.
“I know but you know you're not alone. You'll never be alone, I promise” I told him.
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