I didn’t have the courage to call out Kazama after that day, and used our lack of classes as an excuse to stay away from him. Although I knew that he would be waiting for an answer from me, I wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. If he was going to point out my failures and then leave me, I would rather just distance myself from him first.
I dropped my head down and lay my forehead on the back of my hands on top of the broom I held. I stood silent for a moment, paused in my cleaning of the convenience store attached to the gasoline station. This is the worst. I had just started to think it’ll be okay too. I scrunched my eyes together, feeling as if I wanted to cry. Even then, when I opened them, they were painfully dry. I rubbed them a little and went on to continue my work when the door opened and the chime sounded to indicate a customer.
I looked up, and out of habit, stated, “Welcome to—”
Kazama ran into the building and headed straight for me. Before I could process what was happening, he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders and stared into my eyes.
“Why haven’t you contacted me, Kuroda?” he asked.
I didn’t know how to respond. “I, uh…”
He sighed, placing his head on my shoulder. “I was worried about you,” he muttered. “You should have let me know if you were okay.”
His words surprised me, leaving me speechless for a moment longer. “You’re,” I stuttered, tripping over my words, “you’re not mad?”
At that, Kazama stood up straight and gazed at me, questioningly. “What?” he responded. “Why would I be mad?”
“Because I… lost control and hurt you,” I mumbled, “...and because I ran away.”
“Well, to be honest, I was a bit baffled that you would run away,” he explained, “but I wasn’t mad at you.”
He placed his hand behind his neck and rumpled his hair a little. “What happened at the store, you were just trying to help me,” he continued. “Why should I hold that against you?”
“But…”
“And I know that you’re always quick to act, that’s just how you are. But you never intend to hurt others.” He looked at me intensely, forcing me to make eye contact. “I know you, Kuroda. Did you think otherwise?”
I felt a little ashamed then, both of my previous actions, but also of my inability to place my faith in Kazama. My hands shaking slightly, I responded, “...I couldn’t be certain. Even though you say so, I can never really know that you won’t hate me and leave me.”
It was risky to spill out my real feelings to him, but I felt that at that moment, he at least deserved to know why I acted the way I did. For always trying to understand me, he deserved to hear the fears that ran through my head, even if just a little.
“Because I’m afraid, Kazama,” I stated, my lips trembling, “and that includes you.”
“Really,” Kazama replied, “you worry too much.”
He pulled me into a hug, and warmly patted me on the back of my head. “You don’t have to try to handle everything alone,” he said. “Starting from now, little by little, I hope that you can rely on me a bit more.”
Then he let go, and smiled a bit sheepishly. “I’m not going to hate you for you, Kuroda. I know that behind your slightly aggressive tendencies, more than anyone else, you’re a kind and genuine person.”
He lifted his right hand into a fist, and extended it to me. “So give me all you’ve got. I’ll accept you.”
At those honest, heartfelt words, I felt my eyes tearing up a little. I lifted my own hand into a fist, as I had done so many times before, but tapped my knuckles to his as gently as I could. “Thank you,” I answered, closing my eyes to try to stop the tears from falling.
Kazama laughed softly and patted me on the back reassuringly. “Aw, I knew you were a softie!”
After I regained my composure, Kazama stated that he wanted to buy something from the store I worked in, so he picked out a bottle of tea and we headed to the counter to ring it up.
More aware of the situation we were in, I suddenly wondered how Kazama knew where to find me. “Hey,” I asked, “how did you know I work here?”
“Oh, that,” he chuckled, “someone from class said he saw you here before, when he came to get gas.”
“Ah… is that so,” I responded. I didn’t recall having met any of my classmates, but to be fair, I had never really been looking either.
Once he paid for his drink, Kazama stated, “Well then, I don’t think I should be taking up any more of your time, since you are on duty.”
I nodded briefly, and he grinned. “I look forward to seeing you on campus next semester,” he added. “At that time, we’ll be hanging out even more, so don’t even think about avoiding me, got that?”
I smiled a little. “I understand.” After a moment of hesitance, I said, “See you then… Akihito.”
Kazama’s face brightened immediately, and his laugh sounded so truthfully happy that I wanted to laugh as well. Exiting the store, he raised his hand into a wave, and exclaimed, “Don’t forget that, Hanzou!”
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