I have a notepad and some textbooks out on the kitchen island, where I was working on a plan for tonight’s science class with Ellen. I think it’s time we did another star gaze, now that the seasons have changed. I have plans that involve a telescope I borrowed from my dad, a flask of hot cocoa, and some sandwiches. All the materials for a good class, hopefully. I’m just fact-checking a few things I want to cover, and then this should be done.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself after that. I need distraction. I’m trying hard to take my anxious mind off of the calculations it’s been insistently trying to complete.
Maybe I can make a flower arrangement with the scraps I brought home from the shop yesterday? Although I’ve learned that I have to keep a close eye on my projects when I work on them at home. I came downstairs recently to find Luna blissfully napping in the wreckage of a practice-round flower arrangement I was working on for the wedding. On her back, paws up and bent in perfect contentment.
I could try again, or I could get back to work on the garden. Whatever I do next, it has to be something with my hands. Because only one, very small part of my brain is calm enough to form solid thoughts, and that part is currently wound up in trying to figure out what the hell happened last night.
Aiden and I have no idea how the talk between Ralph and Noah went down.
I spent the time they were outside together in the garden anxiously playing video games, forcing myself not to go to the window and peek out. But in the end, I caved and stole one glance. I just wanted some indication of what to be prepared for when they came back inside.
Ralph and Noah were sitting together on the bench by the weeping willow. Ralph was speaking very fast, looking right at Noah, blinking hard. Noah was staring at him, white as a sheet, his grey eyes growing wider and wider, tears welling up in them.
Cool, I thought to myself. So it’s either going super good, or disastrously bad. Cool cool cool cool.
Aiden sat silent, curled up with me on the couch. Watching me play, but not really. He kept messing with his snapback, then folding his muscled arms over his chest, then distractedly sort of massaging my foot, then nibbling on his lip. Just as nervous as me, and then some.
What happened after didn’t tell us much of anything, although it was beyond startling. We heard the footsteps in the garden, so we stepped into the kitchen right as Ralph pushed his way inside.
Ralph, much like Aiden, is an expert when it comes to controlling his expression. He has a perfect poker-face, a featureless neutral mask that I’ve rarely ever seen break. When it does, Ralph usually has it back in place before too many of his true feelings can show themselves. And he’s so unafraid of everything, normally so unshakeable. I can see Ralph getting hemmed in by cops with riot shields without blinking an eye. I can see him doing that with arms flung open wide, waiting for the challenge.
So to see Ralph how he was after the talk with Noah - it kicked the breath out of my lungs, even though he bolted so fast that I only caught a three-second glimpse of his face. He kept his head down, but that didn’t hide anything. He was breathing like he’d just caught a bullet to the chest, and he very softly said something to us, something neither me nor Aiden could make out. His voice sounded muffled, like he was trying not to sob.
He blew right past us, which didn’t help us hear him. And then he was gone, pushing a hand through his wet blonde hair on his way out.
Aiden started to go after him, then decided against it. It was obvious from his expression that he was fighting a battle to stop himself, but it was also pretty clear that Ralph didn’t want to be around other people. Couldn't, maybe. Not right then.
It was some time before Noah followed him inside. He came in slowly, silently. He had this stunned, completely blank look on his face, like something had just dropped out of the sky and into his hands. I got the sense that it was only his momentum keeping him moving, because he didn’t break his slow stride as he went past me and Aiden.
Aiden gently stopped him, asked if he needed anything. We were prepared with whatever kind of comfort Noah might have wanted, right down to his favorite strain of Indica - but he mumbled something like yeah, thanks, bruh, think I’m just gonna walk home… then stumbled back into movement. Walking like someone making their way through a midnight rainstorm. Seeing nothing.
He staggered over the pair of my Converse high-tops by the door, then disappeared outside. Aiden and I exchanged a look, and then Aiden grabbed his jacket, went after him.
But it didn’t seem to me like Noah was in distress. It felt more like he was sinking into his thoughts, and had already gone into them so deeply that he was temporarily unreachable.
I picked up a rain-wet Aiden later. He greeted me with some soft, sucking kisses up the side of my neck, and the news that Noah had said he would be okay.
Just that caused a king-sized wave of relief in my heart, but still. Aiden and I are in the dark.
I’ve spent all morning struggling to stop myself from texting Noah to ask how it went. Reminding myself over and over again that when he or Ralph is ready to talk about this - if they want to talk about it - they’ll let us know -
I blink hard, broken out of my reverie by the doorbell.
It’s a strange doorbell, one of the many strange features of this very strange house. It makes a soft, singing sound like wind chimes, but somehow it resonates throughout every room.
I wasn’t expecting anybody. I exchange a puzzled glance with Luna, then set down my coffee and cross into the living room. The sunlight is starting to pour through the windows. The upreaching branches from the garden brush gently against the glass. Dragonflies flit around above the flowers.
A breath of fresh, chilly spring air sweeps into the house as I pull open the door. I freeze when I see who’s standing there.
Ralph was clearly expecting Aiden, because his eyes were looking up over my head, and his gaze has to drop down to find my face. He pauses when he sees it’s me, shifting on his feet.
I freeze all over again when his dark green eyes meet mine. They’re - just - very different today. Something warm and bright is unmistakably shining out from them, despite the usual serious, unsmiling expression on his face.
“Oh,” I say quietly, wide-eyed.
That anxious thing fluttering around in my heart finally melts into warm, huge relief. And then a second, even bigger wave sweeps over the first. I know in my heart that there’s no chance Ralph would have this look in his eyes unless Noah had some approximation of it going, too.
I press a hand over my heart and breathe out a gigantic sigh of relief. Ralph’s eyebrows arch. He closes his eyes, gives his head a slow, frustrated shake.
“Goddamnit, Keane, you fucking sharpshooter, you - how did you see-? I didn’t even say anything, yet. This is what I mean, man. You see, and then you just know, and you always hit the fucking mark. It's annoying.”
He opens his eyes to glare at me, finds me pretty much beaming up at him.
“Happy for you, Lanham,” I answer, still cheesing, and suddenly it seems like Ralph is having to work hard to keep that glare on his face.
“It’s not like everything is fixed,” he says, avoiding my eyes.
“That doesn’t happen overnight, I don’t think.”
“No. Definitely not.” Ralph stuffs his hands into his pockets, lifts his gaze over my head again. “Is Aiden here? I - want to tell him.”
“No, he’s at work. He’s off at six.”
“Oh.” Ralph shakes his head again, freeing that stubborn strand of blonde hair that won’t stay back. “Duh, right. Okay, well - no problem.”
He hesitates for a second, and I realize that he’s about to leave.
“Hey, do you want some breakfast?” I ask hastily. “Aiden made it before he left for work. It’s really good.”
Ralph waves a hand at me. “Don’t feel like you have to do that, man. It’s fine.”
I narrow my eyes at Ralph, baffled. “You - think I’m inviting you in because I feel like I have to?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Mkay. Mind explaining to me what facts you’re basing that hypothesis on?”
Ralph lets out a soft, scoffing laugh. “What are you, a science teacher?”
“Yes?”
“Oh.” Ralph blinks at me. “I didn’t kn-”
He stops, apparently just now actually thinking about what I said. I step back in the doorway, giving him room to come in.
Ralph stares at me without blinking until I think his eyes must be aching - then slowly steps inside. I close the door after him and lead the way to the kitchen, smiling victoriously.
Ralph’s eyebrows knit as he watches me make him a plate of steaming hot, fluffy scrambled eggs and chopped potatoes.
“Didn’t you say Aiden made this before he left for work?” he asks, scratching Luna behind her ears. “Why isn’t it cold?”
I hesitate, catching the real answer on the tip of my tongue. A Heliomancer made it. It doesn’t really get cold, so long as someone wants it.
“It’s - been heated up," is what I come out with.
I slide the plate and a cup of coffee across the kitchen island to Ralph. He has a few bites while I refill my own coffee.
“So?” I ask, over my shoulder. “What happened?”
Ralph’s eyes had fallen to my lesson plan, but now they flit to my face. He sets down his fork and shrugs slowly, fidgeting with his wristbands.
“Noah… invited me to his wedding.”
I stop instantly, staring at Ralph with wide eyes, then let out a violent curse as the coffee I didn’t realize I was still pouring spills out onto my hand.
“Holy shit,” I sputter. “Ralph!”
Ralph watches me with one eyebrow quirked as I stare at him with enormous, incredulous eyes, my fingers pressed to my cheeks, my mouth wordlessly opening and closing.
“Got that out of your system?” he asks, after a moment.
“No! And don’t pretend that you have, either!”
Ralph lets out a soft laugh. “Nah. Wouldn’t even try to play it like that. Pointless.”
True. I can see my own disbelief and amazement multiplied by thousands in his eyes, even if he’s holding it together better than I am.
It dawns on me what both Ralph and Noah must feel like, this morning. My heart floods with warmth that almost makes my knees wobble. I put my elbows on the kitchen island for extra support.
“Invited you to his wedding,” I repeat. “Not for coffee, or whatever. His wedding. Noah really doesn’t do things small-scale, does he?”
Ralph drops his gaze to his coffee, but I already caught the sudden flare of serious affection in his eyes.
“Nah,” he says quietly. “Never.”
“He didn’t give you any, like - conditions?”
Ralph’s nose wrinkles, like he’s cringing at himself. “He said that I had to, um. Apologize to Melanie, for something stupid that I did. If I want to go.”
I suddenly remember that Ralph lied to everyone about how he and Melanie went on a date after Aiden left town. Oh, god. That’s a rough apology to make. Immensely awkward.
“Are you gonna?” I ask uncertainly.
“Called her this morning. She was surprisingly nice about it.” Ralph folds his hands around his coffee, winces again. “My pride didn’t like it, though.”
“Oh.” I stare at Ralph, dazed. “So - you’re going, then? To the wedding? It’s all official?”
Ralph hesitates, then slips something out of his pocket, places it on the kitchen counter. Aiden and I have a matching one, so I recognize it right away. It’s an invitation to the wedding.
Ralph gives me a small, shadowy smile.
“Looks like it,” he says.
I find myself smiling back at him over the rim of my coffee cup.
“Cool, man,” I say, genuinely meaning it. “Be good to have you there.”
Ralph blinks at me, his eyebrows furrowing like he’s bewildered by what I said.
“So,” I go on haltingly, “Noah told you about, um - him and Mel, and-?”
“Raj? Yeah, he did.” Ralph blows out a frustrated breath, looking annoyed at himself. “I spent all that time hating that guy for no fuckin’ reason. So stupid.”
I jerk my head back, caught off-guard.
“Hating Raj?” I ask indignantly, setting down my coffee again. “You’ve never even talked to him!”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t about - I thought Raj had, like - I thought that Noah found-” Ralph fades off, struggling over his words. “It - wasn’t the same thing. I didn't know.”
It takes me a moment to sort out what Ralph is saying, but I get there.
Raj fills a very different role in Noah’s life than Ralph used to. Raj is engaged to Noah. They're in love. But Ralph didn’t know that, until last night. He thought that Noah and Raj were best friends, brothers. Like he and Noah used to be.
I fix Ralph with a big, bright smile. “Aw. Jealous.”
He opens one eye, gives me a threatening glare. “Watch it, Keane.”
“Or what?” My smile broadens into a grin. “You’re not gonna do or say anything nasty, are you?”
Ralph gives me a simmering look, but somehow it feels completely free of any actual menace. He throws his hands up in frustration when I just keep grinning at him.
“Since when, by the way?” he asks, pointing to the lesson plan on the counter. “I thought you worked at the flower shop.”
This is a less than subtle attempt to change the subject, but I let it slide.
“I teach part-time. I still work at the shop.” I reach for my notebook and thumb through the pages. “I’m actually doing the flowers for the wedding, if you want to see.”
I hand Ralph the notebook. He blinks at me in surprise, but takes it and looks at my designs.
“Huh,” he says slowly. “Weird.”
My heart drops. “What?”
Ralph lifts his head and looks at me like something troubling just happened. “I’m - impressed? By something you did.”
I blink at him, taken aback, then let out a burst of startled laughter, swat at him across the kitchen island. He dodges easily, then drops the notebook back into my outreaching hand.
“Sorry to spoil the surprise,” I tell him.
“S’okay. Be good to know at least one thing about what to expect at the wedding.”
I pick up on the thread of nervousness woven through Ralph’s words.
I know that going to the wedding isn’t going to be easy for him. He’ll be around Noah’s new people. He only knows some of us. Those of us he doesn’t know, he’s already managed to piss off. The ones he does know, he’s only just starting to repair things with. And he’s really still getting used to letting his new self show.
I’m sure that Ralph badly wants it to go well, but there are things working against him. He must be seriously anxious about it, deep down.
I start to grow anxious, myself. “You’re not going to back out, are you?”
“No, I’m not,” Ralph says firmly. “It’s for Noah, so.”
I wait for him to go on, but he stops there. Doesn’t say anything else.
Apparently that’s all that needs to be said.
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