“Would you stop that?” I asked, finally losing my patience when Jeff began to slide his hand up my leg. We were on the couch, and he had gone from watching TV at a ridiculously high volume, to trying to have a conversation with me, to now touching me.

“What is up your ass lately?” he asked. “You’ve been here almost every day for the past week or so and you’ve been so bitchy every time. Is your book more important than your boyfriend?”

There went that B-word again. “Strategic Management is hard enough on its own to understand without the distractions. My professor is an asshole who, without a doubt, is going to make the test unnecessarily hard. And you know when that test is? In two fucking days. Now, get your hand off me so I can study.”

Jeff’s brows drew together, and his lips turned up into a sneer. “Who the fuck are you talking to like that? It’s not like you need a degree to get a job.”

“I asked you for an hour of quiet time so I could revise this chapter,” I reminded him. “Can you please just let me study?”

“Can you just give me what I want?” Jeff asked. He grabbed the book from my hand and tossed it onto the coffee table. It slid across and fell over the other side, but he didn’t seem to care. He grabbed my ankles and pulled me over to him, already pulling at the button of my pants.

I pushed his hands away. “I’m only here for a few hours. I’m not spending the night.”

“So what?”

“That means I don’t need to be having sex with you.”

“Do you think I’m letting you come over for free?” Jeff asked. “When you come over, you pay.”

I stared at him for a long time. Apparently too long because he felt the need to try undressing me again. I pushed his hands away and got off the couch to collect my things. I had to pause and look at him once more once I picked up my Strat. Man. textbook.

“Do you see me as some kind of sex doll?” I asked. “Is my only purpose to make you cum?”

“Don’t start with this bullshit. You know I care about you. Look, I’m sorry if something I said upset you.” He got off the couch and moved around the coffee table towards me. “I was just saying that it’s what we do. That’s just our dynamic.”

I moved around the coffee table to keep some distance between us and reached for my bag that I had dropped near the couch. “Oh, really? You call yourself my boyfriend, badger me about moving in with you, and then you go and say that whenever I come over to your place I need to be paying you with my body? Are you going to handcuff me to your bed if I decide to move in with you?” I asked, shoving my books inside my bag. I needed to get out.

“You started that, not me.”

“When I got kicked out!” I pointed out. “That was payment for intruding on you on all hours of the night because fucking Peter can’t hold his liquor, or he’s found some new reason why he doesn’t want me around. It wasn’t supposed to be the norm. And you wonder why I don’t want to move in with you? You keep contradicting yourself.”

Jeff caught me as I was headed towards the front door and pushed me up against it, caging me with thick arms. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re making it sound like I’m the bad guy here when all I’ve done is care for you. I have feelings for you, I want us to live together, and I want us to be in a serious relationship.” He cupped my chin with one hand. “I call you my boyfriend, but have you ever said the same? This relationship has been one-sided from the beginning. Admit it, you’re only using me for the sex. If you didn’t need a dick in you every few days to stay sane, you’d be gone by now.”

I couldn’t even argue because he was right. I never saw him as anything but a roof over my head when I needed it and a sexual partner that didn’t require too much of me. He was my default. It was convenient because he knew my situation and my needs and didn’t judge or ask too many questions.

If I knew all this, why did it hurt when he said I had to pay up? My heart had skipped a beat or two that made me painfully aware that it was still beating away inside me, and I still had feelings. I wanted Jeff to be easy and compliant. That was it. I didn’t care for either of our emotions. I couldn’t push him away, but I couldn’t fully accept him and what he wanted from me either. I needed him to care for me, but I couldn’t feel for him the same way, and that was the problem he had with me.

“Come to bed,” Jeff said, pulling the strap of my bag off my shoulder. “I’ll do it the way you want me to this time, but I have a condition.” He dropped his other hand from the door and wrapped both arms around my waist, sliding them down to my ass.

I rolled my eyes. “What now?”

“Really consider me as a part of your life. As your partner. Move in with me. Peter already spread the news that you’re going to be gone within the month. I’m guessing he’s planning on throwing you out for good this time. Move in with me and give us a chance.”

“Consider it, right?” I asked, voice nearly faltering at the end because Jeff had stuck his hand down the back of my pants. I bit my lip when he squeezed my left ass cheek and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Yes. Honestly consider it. I’m the only one in your corner, Zed. You know I care. And yeah, I know we’re both stubborn and difficult, but we can make a real partnership work.”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I’ll consider it.”

It wasn’t like I had many options after graduation. I couldn’t live with Rikki while still keeping information from her, and I didn’t have any other friends. Homeless shelters got full as soon as the sun went down and I didn’t have enough time to look for a suitable apartment. Not that I could get one since I wouldn’t be able to get a job that could cover one soon enough.

I only agreed then and there because the anticipation of getting in bed with Jeff was clouding my judgement and staying with him was the only real option on the table. I could stay with him until I found a way to disappear. We could play house all he wanted, but that wouldn’t make me stray from my plan.

When I agreed, Jeff started to undo the button on his pants. “You need a line before we start?”

I shook my head, wanting friction so damn bad. I was already growing. What I wanted was him inside me. I got to undoing the button on my pants and pulling down the zipper.

“Eager, aren’t you?” Jeff teased. He grabbed me and started pulling me through the house towards the bedroom.

I could only waddle after him, quickly discarding my clothes while he got a condom and lube. I bent over the bed once he got himself ready and licked my lips in anticipation.

Once his left hand rested on the small of my lower back, I closed my eyes. I held my breath as he slid in slowly, then back out. I wanted to tell him to go faster. Even though he was just starting out, he could plough into me without worry. It didn’t care if it would hurt.

Jeff tried to give me what I wanted but came up short. I came twice but it didn’t feel as satisfying as it usually did. I looked over at his sleeping form. He had fallen asleep not long after we finished. I’d taken a shower, but I couldn’t sleep, and I knew why. Our conversation, before my mind was clouded with the promise of pleasure, still unnerved me. I needed to get away from him so I could think.

Quietly, I dressed, gathered my things and two of his beers, and left the house. It was still too early to go back to Peter’s since he didn’t fall asleep until around midnight, but I needed the fresh air. I needed to think, so I didn’t mind wandering around for an hour or two, or at least going by the playground not far from Peter’s so I wouldn’t have far to walk once it was time to go home.

It would help if I had someone to talk to, but I didn’t. I wanted to vent. Either that or I needed a distraction like a cigarette even though I knew I needed to stop relying on stuff like that. I dropped my bag into one swing and sighed as I sat on the other. I was too tall for it, but it didn’t matter.

“Fuck my life,” I murmured.

My eyes burned as I opened the first beer bottle and chugged half of it in one go. I didn’t drink often because I was an embarrassing lightweight, but it was a special occasion. I knew tears were threatening to come again. Shit, I hadn’t been so emotional ever. In the past couple of weeks, I had cried twice. What was happening to me?

It was all his fault. Him with his stupid long hair, and his dumb blue eyes, and his vacura friends. What did he say he was? A… purka? Whatever the hell those were, they must be stupid. I couldn’t keep track of the aliens on Earth.

Where had I put his card? I reached over and rummaged through the small compartment in my bag, pulling out the card. I had tried to rip it up but I couldn’t. The damn thing wouldn’t even bend. It was sturdier than a credit card. I still couldn’t understand what was written on it and I didn’t want to ask Rikki. She spoke three languages, so maybe she could have told me if she recognized the writing.

I glared at it, taking out my phone to see if a translator app would help me. I paused, my thumb hovering over the app store. I could either play detective, or I could ask him myself. He did tell me to call him whenever I needed a roof over my head for the night. Although I didn’t need a place to sleep right then, it would be fine if I called, right?

I gulped down the rest of the bitter beer with a wince and opened the second bottle, my finger hesitating over the dial pad. Our last conversation hadn’t been so great though. “What’s the worst that could happen?” I asked out loud, dialling the number and checking it twice before calling.