Hey everyone before you read just a little warning that this chapter contains physical and verbal abuse, homophobia, and homophobic slurs. If any of these things would bother you please refrain from reading. 

I left Felix's house right after he asked me to homecoming. I was conflicted I wanted to go with him, but I was scared. I continued walking home trying to think of what to do. When I came home all of the lights were off except for the porch light. I walked up to the front and opened it. “You're finally home it's not even nine-thirty.  I thought you might have stayed out later getting your ass pounded by some fags dick,” My older brother Ken said. 

“Shut up I don't feel like dealing with you tonight,” I said.

“What's wrong your butt still sore from having some guy shove his dick up it,” He said

“Just shut the hell up Ken,” I yelled. I shouldn’t have yelled at him. He got an evil smirk on his face.

"Dad Trevor's home," Ken yelled. Our dad came out from the living room. Dad was pretty strict when it came to me. Especially what happened last year. He works for politicians' offices so he was pretty important. The politician he works for is pretty conservative and dad wholeheartedly believes those views. He was pissed when I came out to him. If mom didn’t stop him he would have sent me away to conversion therapy camp or kicked me out. He tries his best to pretend that we are his version of an ideal family. "Where the hell have you been Trevor,"

"I was at a friend's house to work on a project. I called mom to tell her I wouldn’t be home for supper,” I said

“You know goes out with her friends Friday night. Besides that I told you that you are supposed to come home after school,” My dad said.

“Come on dad I want to go and hang out with friends. You keep me hidden like this just because I am gay,” I shouted

“I told you to stop saying that. You are not gay you are just confused. I didn’t raise my son to be a fag,” He said.

“Dad I’m not confused I am gay. I don’t want to go back to hiding who I am just because you have a problem with it,” I said

“I knew I should have fought harder to have sent to get your problem fixed,” He said.

“Dad I don’t need to get fixed because nothing is wrong with me,” I said.

“You are too young. To understand this. When your mom gets home we are going to discuss getting help to fix your problem,” Dad said. He then stormed off back to his study. I knew my dad would act like this. It’s the same things he has been telling me ever since last year.

“Why the hell did you have to tell dad I was home,” I said. Shoving Ken.

He then pushed me to the wall. His arm was against my throat. “Listen here you little fag it's your fault we had to move to this shit hole town. If you weren't a fag then I wouldn't have had to leave my friends. We all gave up so much. Yet here you are not caring about what we gave up and here you are going around sucking the dick of the first guy who shows you attention. Frankly, if mom didn’t make me take you to school I would make you walk,” He said

“Look I can't help that I'm gay. I know you are upset that we had to move but you need to stop taking it out on me. You are supposed to be my brother we are supposed to be there for each other,” I said.

He then punched me in the gut. I fell to the floor. “I was there for you all those times I stood up to all those bullies who would pick on you when we were little calling you girlie and weak I was there protecting. And now you are saying that they were right you are a disgusting home,” He said. The venom in his voice shook me to my core.

I stood up. Tears were coming down my face. "Oh what you gonna cry now guess what no one cares. Not mom and especially not dad. Mom should have let dad throw you out," 

I pushed into the wall hard. “Go to hell you prick,” I said. I was fuelled by anger and adrenaline. I quickly realized what I had done. I tried to get away but he caught me. Ken then pushed me back to the ground and beat the shit out of me.

“Know your place you little shit. Because no one cares about you. Everyone would be better off if you just dropped dead,” He said. He then walked up to his room. 

I limped to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror my lip was bleeding and my eye was starting to swell. I could tell my parents but I know they wouldn’t care. This wasn't the first time that Ken beat me up like this. He just gets away with it because dad thinks it will toughen me up. In reality, it only makes things worse. It is at times like this that I wish I didn't come out last year.

One year earlier

It was towards the end of my sophomore year. It was a Friday night.  My best friend Liam convinced me to go to a party with him. I was a little uncomfortable I didn't like going to parties but I couldn't say no to Liam. I have avoided going to parties a lot of times. It was just hard for me to say no to him I have had a crush on him since middle school. We spent so much time together. Liam was one of the more popular guys in our grade people were drawn to him naturally like a moth to a flame. 

We went to the party. Music was playing in the background. As soon as we got there Liam disappeared and when he came back he had two cans of beer. He handed me a can. I took a sip. I didn't care for the taste but I drank it. I wanted to show him that I was having a good time. The night went on and the one can that started the party soon became my third. I was really out of it. I was relaxed. I haven’t drunk alcohol before so after a few cans, I was a little tipsy.  I saw Liam dancing with some girl I moved closer to him. My dancing wasn't that good. I tripped and started to fall. Liam caught me and helped me to my feet. I turned and looked at him and I did something I regret the most. I kissed him it was everything I wanted but I was soon shoved to the ground. “What the hell Trevor,” Liam shouted. As soon as he yelled the music turned off and the lights turned on everyone was looking at me. “Uh, I can't believe you did that. So those rumors about you are true you are gay. I kept telling people they were wrong. But they were right you are just some gross fag. Oh my god. How many times have you thought of me like that? You slept over at my house. What is wrong with you,” Liam shouted. I was stunned. I didn’t think Liam would act like this. 

“Liam please it was just a misunderstanding,” I said.

“Trevor I think it would be best if you leave,” Liam said.

“Liam please let's just talk about this,” I said.

“Trevor leave now because I 

I ran out of the party as fast as I could. I walked home that night. The person who I thought was my best friend look at me with such disgust. That weekend I didn't hear a thing from Liam. I thought everything would be fine on Monday but I was wrong. That day when I walked everyone started whispering and looking at me. I figured they must have heard and seen what happened at the party. All my friends avoided me. During the last period of the day, Liam texted me to meet him at the park. After school, I head to the park where Liam was.

“Hey, Liam what's up,” I said.

“I wanted to ask you right to your face if you are gay,” He said.

“Liam, can’t we talk about this in private?” I asked

“Trevor, I have been your friend since first grade and after last Friday I need an answer and I need it now,” He said. His voice was shaky

“Fine yeah I'm gay is that what you wanted to hear,” I said.

“Yes, it is. We wanted to make sure you were a queer before we kick your ass,” A voice said.

I turned around and a group of three guys appeared. Two of them grabbed my arms. I tried breaking free but I wasn’t strong enough. “See we’re going to try and beat the queerness out of you and if that doesn’t work we are just going to beat the shit out of you,” The leader of this group said.

“Please Liam help me. I thought we were friends,” I yelled. I was terrified I didn’t know what was going to happen.

“We were friends until you became a disgusting queer,” Liam yelled.

At that moment I felt my heartbreak. The person who I thought was my friend had just turned his back on me. The leader of this group started punching me. I screamed in pain tears and blood was running down my face.

“Come on Liam don’t you want to get in on this after what the queer tried doing with you,” the leader said.

“Yeah, I think it's time I get some payback,” Liam said

“Please Liam don't do this uh,” I begged. Liam punched me in the gut.

“Shut up queer I don't want to hear you say another thing,” He said.

After a few more minutes of punching and kicking me, the leader pulled a sharpie out of his pocket. He started writing something on me I was too dazed to know he was writing. After he finished writing they walked away. I lay on the ground for what felt like hours until I heard sirens from an ambulance. EMTs came and put me onto a stretcher and carried me to the ambulance. During the drive to the hospital, I blacked out. I was awoken by a wet cloth on my face.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you I was just trying to wash the writing off your face,” The nurse said.

“It’s fine,” I said. I was in too much pain to care.

“Are you sure,” She said. she then went and came back with a compact mirror

I took the mirror from her hand. My face was covered in bruises. There was also writing on my face. Tears started rolling down my face when I saw the words. The words were queer, fag, and homo all over my face. The pain that one of my closest friends was a part of the people who did this to me was worse than my broken bones.

"Sweety now that you are awake I am going to get your parents," The nurse told me

“Mr. and Mrs. Smith your son is awake,” The nurse said.

My parents walked into the hospital room

“Oh, my baby what happened to you, My mother said,

“I got beat up,” I said

“So what did you do to get your ass kicked?” My dad said. His stern voice was not helping the situation.

“Why do you think? Look at my face it's written pretty clear why they beat me up,” I said

“Honey, what are you saying?” My mom asked

“I am saying that I got jumped because they found out that I am gay,” I said

The room went quiet and then my father just walked out of the room. My mother then followed him. They didn’t come back until three hours later my mother came back to the hospital room. Her eyes were red like she had been crying.

“Honey we decided that it would be best if you and your brother went to a different school. We talked about it and we decided that we are going to move. We don’t know where yet but we will figure it out soon. Honey, I wanted to tell you that your father is really upset. I think that it would be best that were ever we move to that you don’t let something like this happen again,” She said

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Honey you know we love you but your father is an important businessman and it will hurt his image when people find out that his own son is gay. We just want at this new town that you keep part of yourself hidden,” she said.

“So you want me to go back into the closet,” I yelled. I was in pain and I all wanted to was compassion from the people who were supposed to  care about me

“Honey please see reason. You were beaten up so badly for being gay. We just want you to be safe,” She said.

“You guys don’t care about me. You just want to preserve Dad's reputation,” I said.

“Trevor please your father wanted to send you away. It took so much to convince him not to. It's so simple just have to go back to being normal. Then we can go back to being a regular family,” She said

“I am normal. Just cause I'm gay doesn't make me any different than you or anyone else.” I said

“Please stop saying those things. I am a good mother. I didn't raise my son to be disgusting queer,” She yelled.

It was at that moment that I realized the people who I thought would love me no matter what could only care about me if I was someone other than who I really am.

“I am tired could you please leave,” I said my voice breaking as I was trying to hold back my tears.

“Okay honey I will be back later. Hopefully, then you can see some reason,” She said

My mother left there I was alone. In a hospital bed with a few broken ribs, a family who thinks that I'm a mistake, and my closest friend rejected who I am and beat me up for it. I was broken both physically and mentally. During my time in the hospital, only my mother came to see me. I kept getting texts from my friends and people asking if it was true that I was gay. I had to turn my phone off because I didn’t want to deal with their messages. I was released from the hospital a few days later. Dad had already found a small town to move to. He wouldn’t look or talk to me. Mother would talk to me briefly but only in short statements. But when she spoke she looked away from me. My brother Ken the person I looked up to turned cruel. I was lucky when he would just say hurtful things to me. He was upset that he had to leave the home he grew up in and all of his friends just because of me. He really thought that it was my fault that things happened like this and he would make sure to let me know every day that he thought that there was something wrong with me.