Aiden

I stare at Dylan wondering why he seems so nervous. He’s scratching the back of his neck and I know he only does that when he feels uncomfortable. Finally, he sighs and turns back to me.

“When I first went on tour I was way out of my depth. There wasn’t a lot of supervision of us guys and so it was easy to just cut loose.  I was totally out of control for a while. Alcohol, drugs, sex. It was all there for the taking and man, did I take it. I was struggling to keep up every day with the surfing and my fitness was shit. But I couldn’t stop. There were a couple of older guys who always seemed to be at the house, and they kept encouraging me to stay out longer, drink more, get high more. I was living this life that I thought was what I was meant to. Young, free, no parents. But I wasn’t happy, really. Boulder finally went to Brody and told him what was happening. Shirvo was supposed to be leaving to come back home and retire but he stayed to get me back on track. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t had those three guys looking out for me. Shirvo stayed for another six months and then Brody approached Mum about coming over and being a, I dunno. House mum? She jumped at the chance and her and Meggy moved in.”

I had a feeling he was glossing over a lot of things that happened to him in that time. What upset the most was that I never picked up on any of it. We were talking and messaging every day, and not once did I suspect that he was going through all of that. I looked at him and felt like shit.

“Why didn’t you tell me? We talked all the time. How did you even hide it from me?” Oh Jesus, was that really my whiny voice asking those questions? “Wait. You don’t have to answer that. I just feel like I should have known, I guess.”

“It was the hardest thing I ever did. Hiding that when we would talk, I was usually high or drunk, but I couldn’t not talk to you. I also couldn’t tell you because I was so ashamed of my behaviour. It was fucking hard when Brody pulled me aside and told me how close I was to being sent hone and losing everything I had gained. It was even worse when Mum was told. I still don’t think I’ve recovered from her little chat with me!" He laughed in a self-deprecating way that hurt to hear. “ Once Shirvo and Mum got through with me I was more than ready to stop everything.”

I stood up and walked over to where he was standing and pulled him into a tight hug. I couldn’t help but think that when he was here in my arms, my world suddenly felt right. I loved feeling his strong, lean body pressed up against mine. He wrapped his arms around me and pushed his face into my neck.

“I missed you so bad. Some days I just wanted to come home and be with you.” Dylan’s whispered words made my heart race.’

“I felt the same.” I responded. “But I think we both needed to grow up and get to this point where we’re friends.”

“Friends, right.” He stepped out of my arms and looked over at the granny flat in the backyard. “Let me just check if Shirvo is home and we can get dinner started.”

What just happened? I thought back over my words but couldn’t think of what I’d said that would make him pull away from me like that. I sat back down and stared out at the ocean in front of me. The waves kept rolling in and I was lulled into a meditative state while I waited. I wished I could feel this relaxed all the time but the truth was Mark had made me retreat into myself more than I thought.  Even thinking of him made me antsy and uneasy. I know he can’t touch me anymore but the hatred he had shown me in our last encounter still sent a shiver through me. I had been trapped in our relationship for so long and he was so good at keeping me in line and doing only what he wanted, that I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore. All I wanted right now was to be with my best friend. I wanted to surf but couldn’t while I had this stupid freaking cast on my arm. So, all I could do was make the most of my time with him before he had to go back to the tour. Voices coming from the backyard pulled my attention back to the here and now.

“Fuck off, asshole!” Dylan shouted as he laughed and came running out the shadows next to the house. Running after him was probably the best looking guy I had ever seen in real life.

“Oh, come on, Skippy. I didn’t mean it.”

I guess this was Shirvo. As I watched, he jumped and grabbed Dylan and they crashed to the ground. I was on my feet immediately to make sure Dyl was ok but then just stood there feeling useless and maybe just a bit left out. They both rolled on the ground laughing. I must have made some kind of noise because all of sudden Shirvo looked up at me and stilled. There was a look in his eyes I couldn’t read. He slowly stood up and strolled over to where I was standing.

“So, you’re the great Aiden?” He didn’t sound impressed and the way he looked me up and down was disdainful

‘Hey.” Smooth, Aiden, smooth.

But it didn’t really matter because Shirvo had dismissed me and turned back to Dylan.

“So, I got all the food you usually get and I was thinking a bbq would be good tonight. I’ve asked a few of the guys over so you can catch up.” He shot a glance at me over his shoulder. “Is Aiden staying?”

“Aiden? You want to stay and hang out for a while?” Dylan said hopefully. “I’d like for you to meet my friends.”

I really wasn’t sure I was up to being around a lot of people right now. I had thought I’d get Dylan to myself, but I guess not.

“Um. Yeah nah, I’m going to head back to Mum and Dads. Stuff to do.”

While Dylan looked disappointed, Shirvo wore a look of satisfaction.

“You need a ride home?”

Well, he didn’t need to sound so eager for me to be gone. I really wanted to stay now, just to piss him off, but I was too nervous about meeting new people. Fuck Mark for taking away any confidence I once had.

“No.” My response was short and I started walking towards the beach. I would just walk that way back to my car that we’d left at the carpark at the beach entrance. “It’s been good to see you, Dyl. I’ll leave you to it.” I couldn’t bring myself to even say anything to Shirvo so I just nodded at him and walked away. Maybe it had been a mistake asking Dylan to come home. I could already tell that I didn’t fit into his life and that filled me with more pain and sadness than anything Mark had ever done to me.