I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, not flicking a muscle.  I felt the fairy doctor’s fingers literally in my chest, adjusting the location of my rib, then his magic started to make my lung hurt less.  Slowly, slowly, the pain started to ebb as he set the bone, closed me back up, and began healing the incision and the rest of my injuries.

“You’re quite strong,” he said as he finished.  “Not even a whimper.”

I would have shrugged, but I was afraid he wasn’t done.  “I’ve trained.”

“Hmm.”  He seemed thoughtful.  “I’d guess based on your power levels that you’d be a top tier demon in most pandemoniums, but I happen to know this city’s pandemonium – and you’re not even anywhere in their hierarchy.”

He knew more than my coworkers.  More about demons in general, more about the demons of this city.  He wouldn’t be easy to fool.

So I didn’t try.  “I didn’t want to be part of it.  None of them have even seen me, other than my aunt, so they don’t know my power levels.”

“But you used to train, so…you used to be a part of a different pandemonium where you were part of the leadership?”

I looked sharply at him.  His face was merely questioning, but he was perceptive.  It was a little frustrating when I didn’t want to go into my past.

“Not anymore.”  My jaw tightened and I could feel the rage start to build.  “Not.  Anymore.”

He seemed to realize I didn’t want to talk about it and let the subject go, instead helping me get up and offering me a clean shirt that wasn’t the silly one from the café.

“I hear you met Damion,” the doctor started cleaning up his tools from the surgery.  “He seems to like you, and he was thrilled that you’d offered to share your schoolwork with him.”

“Oh.”  I shifted awkwardly.  “I wasn’t – I just thought he might want to take a look at it, I wasn’t really going to walk him through it or whatever.”

He turned to offer me a smile.  “Well, if you’re willing to spend some time with him, I think it’d be good for him to hang out with someone around his age, and he’s so eager to learn – he’d soak in anything you’re willing to share about school.”

“Right.”  He did seem thrilled about the idea.  I cringed a little, telling myself this was a terrible idea for several reasons.  “I mean, I guess I can, uh, come over a few times to show him my subjects.  You said you wanted to do a recheck, right?”

Dr. Adair nodded.  “That would be great, thank you.  I’m worried sometimes about how limited Damion’s world is right now.  It’s helpful to have someone else he can talk to, some new experiences he can learn.”

Yeah, the only problem was, I was the worst one for that.  I growled internally at myself then remembered something as we left the room.

“So, uh, how much do I owe you?  I don’t have much on me but my aunt is pretty wealthy, she can – ”

He waved his hand, interrupting my spiel.  “Don’t worry about it, the clinic isn’t to make money.  We generally help patients without any fees anyway, plus, you were dragged here against your will and you’re planning to help Damion out a bit, so…we can call it even?”

“Oh.  Um, thanks.”  I was having to say thanks a lot today.  It was kind of weird.

“Don’t mention it.  Now, let’s go find where the boys went with your backpack.”

It turned out that Damion and Riven had gone upstairs into the doctor’s house – Devon apparently left – and Damion had managed to spread my books out all over the living room coffee table, eagerly attempting to look at them all at once.  Riven, on the other hand, was flopped out on am armchair, watching Damion with amused eyes.

They both turned when we entered.

“Are you feeling better?”  Riven asked immediately.  “You look better, just pale bruises.”  Dr. Adair hadn’t completely removed the bruises since humans had seen them today and would wonder if they entirely disappeared, but he had at least lessened them so they should finish healing in a couple days.

“Yeah, uh, thanks.”  Again, more thanks.  I shuffled over to the couch to look down at Damion, who was practically beaming at me.

Right, no way I was affected by that smile.  Wasn’t like it completely grabbed my heart and made off with it.

“Are you enjoying the books?”  I finally remembered I’d come over here to say something, not just stare at him.

“Yes!”  He seemed delighted.  “But, I, um, don’t know what all of these are.  Adair hasn’t gotten this far in math yet so I am not sure what is going on.”

Riven held up his hands.  “Don’t look at me, math is not my thing.”

Math, unfortunately, was something I was fine with, so I sighed and reluctantly sat by the angel, trying to explain what the lesson was about, then having to back up when I realized how little he actually knew.  I soon figured out he was probably a year or so behind as far as math went, but ahead of me in history and English.

And somehow, over the next few weeks, I found myself visiting the Woodson household almost every day to hang out with Damion and go over my homework, explaining whatever he didn’t understand.  It had an unexpected side effect of improving my grades and a more expected side effect of making me crush on the innocent little angel even harder.

He was so eager to learn, so happy to see me, of all people, and so innocently excited about just normal stuff.  There were moments when we were hanging out when I saw something flash across his eyes and was reminded that despite how he seemed, he did know pain and fear, but for the most part, he just seemed so pure and innocent and curious about life.

I’d tried a couple of times to get Damion to hang out outside in the fairy’s garden while we studied – according to Dr. Adair, it was protected so humans wouldn’t be able to see his wings – and he reluctantly tried, but stopped in the doorway.  I could almost see the struggle where he was trying to get his feet to move across the threshold, but then he’d freak out and run back inside, crying and apologizing while I told him there was nothing to feel bad about.

After the second time of that, I felt bad about trying to push him outside his comfort zone and decided it was fine if we just stayed inside.  He was kind of an oasis for me, a couple of hours each day where I could just be a teen hanging out with another teen my age and forget about – everything.

But that soon all came crashing down.

We were going over a math test I got back, me explaining the answers and Damion just watching me with those deep blue eyes, almost drinking me in.  I’d noticed a few times over the past couple of weeks that he’d seemed interested in me, even checking me out once that I’d noticed, but…it didn’t matter.  I never wanted to hurt him, of all people, and this was enough of a risk as it was.  I was only okay with being with him here because it was this little bubble, away from the world – it was almost like it wasn’t real.  The fairy’s house was protected, here he wouldn’t be harmed despite, well, me.  But anything more than this little bubble would never work.

And then he just interrupted me in the middle of a sentence, a bright look on his face.  “Do you want to make out?”

I stopped and slowly turned to look at him.

Damion flushed a little, but forged ahead anyway.  “You like me, right?  I can tell, I can see it in your eyes.  I can usually tell when people are interested in me and often it bothers me, but you are different.”  He shrugged.  “I like you, you’re nice to me, you’re fun to hang out with, you’re pretty hot when you’re not scowling, and I think we could be good together, so…wanna make out?”

This was not the question I had expected to be produced by my math test, so I struggled for a bit to remember how to even answer it.  “It’s not – that’s not a good idea,” I finally said.  I didn’t want to hurt him, and he seemed so excited about the idea, but I also didn’t want to let him have his way.  I couldn’t let him get hurt because of me.

His face fell, almost punching me in the gut with his disappointment.  “But…we both like each other, right?  Why is it a bad idea?”

I saw the flash of her dead on the ground and heard those words again, echoing in my head.  Walk away, and no one gets hurt.

I took a deep breath.  “It can’t happen.  I’m – sorry.”

“That’s not an answer!”  Damion protested, starting to look a little panicked when he saw me begin to pack up my stuff.  “Wait – please, tell me why!  You do like me, right?”

I couldn’t even admit that to him, even if he already knew.  I couldn’t risk it.  Instead I shoved the last of my things in my backpack and paused to look down at him where he was sitting on the couch, dismay and worry written all over him.

“I’m sorry,” I said as gently as I could muster, but then my tone switched to cold facts, “but you don’t deserve me – you deserve a real life with someone who won’t hurt you.  I can’t – I can’t give you want you want.  I’m sorry.”  I started towards the door, then paused at the top of the stairs down to the exit.  “I think it’s probably best if I don’t come back.”

I walked out of the house, ignoring his attempts to stop me, forcing myself to not surrender at the sound of his tears as I left.  I had to do this, for him.  I never should have come back when I realized he was attracted to me, but I’d never thought he’d actually say something.

But now that he had, I couldn’t risk ever seeing him again.

Back at my aunt’s house, I threw myself onto my bed and tried to ignore the ache in my heart.  I hated leaving him there like that, and hearing him cry while calling out my name, begging me to stay?  That hurt.  I’d hurt him, I knew that, but…I didn’t know what else to do.  It was better he was emotionally hurt now, before that emotion got too deep and before he potentially got hurt physically, maybe even killed.

This was the right thing.  I was sure of it.

But being right didn’t make it hurt any less.