“Get your fucking hands off me! He doesn’t need to be around you! You fucking psycho!”
Varian jolted awake by Hazel’s scream. He heard a thump behind him. He sat up, groaning as he became nauseas, and there was a painful pounding in his head. The room was dark. He could hear the music from the party, but it wasn’t as loud as it was before. The soft glow of the light on the wall was gone. All there was to see by was the grayish moonlight.
“Hazel?” His voice cracked. It was dry from drinking. He tasted sourness on his tongue. His stomach rolled as he moved onto his side.
He felt out with his hands in a panic.
“I’m right here.” She touched his hand.
He jolted back. When she touched him he was shocked, zapped by the electric between them.
“Sorry,” he whispered.
“I know. You can’t help it.”
He didn’t have to explain it to her. It was just that simple. He wished it was that simple with everyone else.
“Fuck off Hazel.”
A light flicked on. It was a lighter. Kacey was holding it as he stood above Varian. Hazel was beside Varian, standing behind him so that her back was pressed agains the wall.
“He came to talk to me. I don’t have to go anywhere, dickhead.”
The pounding in his head was getting worse. The dizziness from the alcohol was still there. It was still hard to think too.
He shook his head. “What time is it?”
Kacey lit a cigarette. He blew a cloud of smoke in Hazel’s direction. “A little past one. What are you two doing up here?”
Hazel seethed. She looked like she was trying to back further up into the wall. She glanced at Varian. He didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t like that he was woken up by Hazel yelling at Kacey though.
“Like I said, none of your fucking business.”
“Kacey, what are you doing?” Varian tried to stand up. He swayed on his feet. He grabbed onto one of the beams to steady himself.
Kacey looked at Varian from under his lashes. The glow of his lighter reflected in his eyes. It was almost like a symbol for how chaotic he was. Varian watched the orange glow flicker back and forth in the wind. The window was open. A cold breeze blew in and Varian shivered though he was wearing his coat.
Close to three hours had passed while he was asleep on the floor next to Hazel. It was the best nap he’d had since he was returned. He didn’t dream of the man or the dead girl. He would have liked to sleep a little longer with the affects of the alcohol working in his favor.
But good things were always ruined.
“What do you mean?” Kacey smirked. It was a haunting smile with the low lights. “I was just having some fun with Hazel. You know how much of a sour puss she is.”
“Fuck you,” Hazel growled. “You’re a fucking creep is what you are.”
Varian noticed then how reserved Hazel had become. She was shielding her body. Her hands kept moving like she didn’t know which part of her she should protect most. Or that she didn’t know where she was going to be attacked next.
He narrowed his eyes on Kacey. Somehow, he found his footing. He marched right up to Kacey.
The cigarette between Kacey’s lips drooped a little as he titled his head to look directly at Varian. The flicker of the flames told Varian that Kacey knew exactly what he was thinking. Or, actually, what he’d learned.
“You didn’t. Please, tell me you didn’t.” His voice was steady. He was surprised that it didn’t waver with how much his heart was pounding in his chest.
But as much as he wanted to be the tough guy, he couldn’t bring his voice above a soft murmur. Hazel couldn’t possibly hear him. This was between Kacey and him for the moment because he didn’t want to accuse.
Yet, he knew the signs. Hazel wasn’t uncomfortable with her body. She never was.
Kacey snorted. He adverted his eyes. “I wouldn’t. I can’t believe you think I would.”
He pulled the cigarette out between his mouth. “Whatever. I was just checking on you. You’re pissed as fuck.”
He shoved the cigarette into Varian’s mouth. His fingers lingered over Varian’s bottom lips, grazing it as if he was wondering about something. The furrow in his brow reminded Varian of the day they met alone in the forest. Unintentionally on Varian’s part. Intentionally on Kacey’s.
He was hiding something. Varian felt like an idiot to only just now realize.
Kacey flicked his lighter off. “I’ll see you in the car. Tell the others I’m done with this shit show.”
He stomped down the stairs. The bass of the music downstairs wasn’t loud enough to mask it.
Varian tasted the end of the cigarette. He tasted mint.
Kacey.
He let the cigarette drop to the floor. He smashed it under his heel.
The ash smeared across the boards, but he could barely see it because of how dark it was.
“Thanks,” Hazel said almost out of nowhere.
Varian hadn’t been paying attention to her. He was still staring down at the ash, the almost whole cigarette Kacey had left behind, and the taste of mint on his tongue. It seemed there were many things that he didn’t know about his friends.
Like the fact that Kacey smoked menthol.
He snapped out of the weird zone he’d fallen into. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, turning away from the mess under his foot. He stumbled a bit as he tried to look at Hazel. She hadn’t moved from the spot she’d been in.
She glared at the staircase.
“He’s such an asshole. I really don’t understand how you can hang around someone like him. He’s no good. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sets cats on fire for fun.”
“Don’t say that, Haz,” Varian blurted. He was appalled that she could think of something so bad of someone.
She was too pure to be thinking of those kinds of things.
She turned her glare to him. She straightened up.
“I don’t think you get it. He’s a fucking lunatic. You want to know what he was doing while you were still passed?”
He stepped back. She walked right up to him, but she still kept some distance between them. It wasn’t enough to make him feel safe though. She wanted him to feel scared. And it was working.
He swallowed, but it wasn’t enough to get the lump out of his throat.
He shook his head. “I don’t—“
“He was watching you, Var. He was just breathing over you and looking at you like he was going to skin you alive. And when I asked what the hell he thought he was doing looking at my boyfriend like that, he had the nerve to shove me. He put his hands on me, Var.”
He was suddenly lightheaded. There was no more fun thoughts about the soft moonlight drifting across her cheeks or wondering how such an angel could exist in this dark world.
He didn’t want to believe what she said was true. But he knew that Kacey was weird.
The camping trip. He noticed Kacey’s strange behavior. He didn’t know what it meant.
He was breathless as his back hit the wall. “What are you saying, Haz?”
She looked away. She pressed her lips together.
“I don’t want to believe it. But…”
She took a deep breath.
“I think he’s the one. He’s the one that took you.”
She could have hit him across the face and it would have been less painful.
“You don’t mean that.”
His brain was still fuzzy from drinking. Having taken a nap hadn’t help with clearing his head either. He was stuck between floating in the skies and crashing to the ground in flames.
“Listen. Or think about it. He’s—“
“He’s not like that!”
The words burst out from him before he could think. They were harsh and pulled out of him like someone had ripped them from his chest. He yelled them at the top of his lungs. It was so loud that it had overcome the loud music for a brief second.
His ears rung.
Hazel gaped at him.
He flustered, horrified by his outburst, but he wasn’t sorry. He couldn’t just let her talk about Kacey like that when he wasn’t around to defend himself. Throwing accusations around like that could ruin someone’s life.
One life had already been ruined. Many more were being ruined as they speak. He didn’t want to ruin more when it didn’t have to be that way.
“I don’t want to talk about that. Kacey didn’t do it. I know he didn’t do it.”
Hazel nodded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just…”
She wanted to touch him again. She wanted to hug him, but she was restraining herself.
She was too good. Why did this have to hurt her the most?
“I just want to understand.”
Varian slowly smiled. “This is enough, Haz. Just be my girlfriend. That’s enough.”
The lie tasted sour on his tongue. Betrayal. That’s what he was tasting. She didn’t see through it. She wanted to believe the lie too much to see that he was lying through his teeth.
He touched her cheek. It was a light touch that he barely felt. He wanted to throw up, but it was tolerable to offer her just this once. He kissed her fully on the mouth.
She leaned in to it, wrapping her arms around his neck. He bundled her up in his arms, holding her close because this might be the last time that he would be able to do this. His hands were shaking—his body almost tearing itself apart to get away from her.
When they parted, Varian was sad to find that the effects of her body were no longer working on his. He didn’t feel the heat in his stomach, the clenching need to get off, or the want to bask in her warmth.
All that was left was a chilling cold.
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