Once I made it downstairs, I found Ron and his girlfriend sitting at the dining room table casually talking to Dad. Ron had gotten a little scruffy since I last saw him. He had a five o’clock shadow, and his hair was much longer. This was weird because Ron usually liked to keep his hair short and face clean-shaven. I noticed he was wearing glasses instead of contacts tonight. He must really like this girl to be so comfortable around her.

“Check it out. Stumblebum made it here without any injuries,” I said, walking into the room. Everyone chuckled. Ron got up from his seat and made his way toward me. He was wearing a black sweater with a white shirt underneath and ripped black jeans.

“It’s good to see you too, Falls,” he said, giving me a hug. Bella came in next to hug me. She smelled of sunshine, weird given that she looked kind of like a gothic Barbie.

When she pulled away, I noticed that there were dancing skeletons going in different directions on her black dress. “Hey, Autumn. It’s nice seeing you again!” she said. She was wearing black lipstick that contrasted starkly with her pale skin.

“Yeah, I’m surprised you haven’t pulled out your tarot cards yet,” I said. It was so strange that this gothic version of Aphrodite would date a dork like Ron. Maybe he was holding her hostage?

Bella chuckled. “Honestly, I was trying to convince Ron to let me bring them because I wanted to read your parents’ fortunes. The first reading is always the most accurate. But when I got in the car, he refused to drive unless I put them back in the house. I didn’t want to be late, so I put them back.” She sounded so depressed telling that story. I remembered why Ron and Bella were perfect for each other—they were both dorks in their own way.

“Alright, I’ll help bring out dinner. You guys come over and have a seat,” Dad said, walking into the kitchen.

We walked over to sit at the table. Ron and Bella sat on one side of the table, and I was on the other, leaving the head of the table for Mom and Dad. Then, as if on cue, Dad came back into the room with a large plate of sliced catfish in one hand and a large plate with cornbread in the other. Behind him was Mom, with a plate of chicken fingers and fries and a bowl filled with catfish for Kevin.

As she placed the bowl on the ground, Kevin suddenly appeared out of the shadows. He walked over to his bowl and chowed down on his grilled prey. Mom walked to me next. “The catfish your father caught was so big that we could give half of it to Summer’s mom, and she was nice enough to make some of her tri-county famous cornbread,” she said, handing me the plate of chicken fingers and fries. She then walked over and sat at the head of the table, directly across from Dad. “Are you and Summer ever going to make up?”

“Uh, probably not right now, but she loves Dad’s catfish, and I love her mom’s cornbread. Also, Vin and I still play online together. So, there’s a chance we won’t hate each other forever, I hope,” I said, biting into one of the chicken fingers. This was such an uncomfortable subject to talk about in front of a guest. “Anyway, we’re not here to discuss that tonight. Ron, you should tell Mom and Dad how you and Bella met.”

“It’s a funny story, actually. Back in our junior year of college, I was looking for a date for the annual formal. I tripped on something and ate cement in front of her. Realizing I had nothing to lose, I decided to shoot my shot with this punk-rock Barbie, and she agreed to go to the dance as our first date. We had a great time. Then, after the dance, we went steady, and we’ve been together ever since,” Ron said.

“What part of that is funny? That sounds like your usual MO. Did you forget we call you Stumblebum because somehow you can trip standing still?” Dad laughed as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“Yeah, Ron, that is the lamest story I’ve ever heard. You need to make up a fake story to tell other people,” Mom joined in. She covered her mouth, hiding her laugh.

“Oh, I see you’ve been clumsy your whole life.” Bella chuckled. “I’m glad we started to do yoga together to fix your terrible balance. I can’t have you tripping off a cliff while we are on our hikes.”

“Honestly, guys, this twelve-step program Bella has me on really helps with my rate of concussions.” We all laughed. Ron took a sip of his water and continued, “Are you dating anyone at the moment, Autumn?”

“Nah, after Kelly, I became a lone wolf. I’ve learned I don’t need a pack,” I said.

“Oh, Bella, I forgot to tell you not to touch Autumn. You might get cut with all that edge.” Ron laughed.

“Bella, don’t worry if you need a douche. You can simply just ask Ron for one since he’s a douchebag,” I fired back, laughing.

“You guys are as childish as ever,” Dad said as he took a bite of his catfish. When he finished chewing, he continued, “Bella, what do you do for a living?”

The night continued for a little longer as we got to learn more about Bella. She was currently a dietitian and in the process of starting her own practice. Ron found a keeper, not only smart but a cutie as well. Bella got absorbed in a conversation with my parents about music, so Ron and I headed out to the front porch.

“Alright, Falls, how have things really been?” Ron asked, sitting in one of the rocking chairs on our porch. I took the chair beside him.

“Well, things have been smooth so far. Work’s great, and the book is going well. I’m halfway through it,” I said.

“Awesome! What about your love life? Have any dates with some cute girls from work?” Ron asked, rocking back and forth in his chair.

Shifting in my seat, I replied, “Of course not. Don’t you know, never shit where you eat? But good news, I scored a date with a girl named Martha. I met her yesterday at Penultimate.”

“What?! That’s awesome, dude,” Ron said, extending his hand for a fist bump.

Returning the bump, I continued, “Yeah, but I don’t know if it’s going to work out. I’m just scared things will turn out like they did with Kelly.”

“Yeah, what she did was horrendous, but you can’t let it rule over your dating life.”

“Don’t worry, Ron, I’m fine. It’s not like I need clarity for her being a terrible person. I’m just going to bottle it up and deal with it later.”

“Oh yeah, how did that work out for you and Summer?” He laughed. He had a point, but I wasn’t about to admit it. Ron shifted in his seat, then ran his hand through his hair. “A brother from my fraternity started using a new dating app a while ago. Now, this is going to sound super-cheesy, but it works. It’s called Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey. Most people just call it RTLL for short. The basic premise is that you swipe right to get tight if you’re feeling a person. If you’re not and want a different person, you swipe left and let them loose. I know it sounds super corny, but the same dude met his fiancé through the app. Here, let me set up your profile.” Ron stopped rocking and reached over to grab my phone off my lap. After tapping on the screen for a few minutes, he gave it back to me. “Now, if your date doesn’t go well, you have plenty of women to make it tight with.”

“This sounds so stupid. I better not get catfished by some dude named Eugene living in their mother’s unfinished basement.” I sighed and sat further back in my chair. “Has meeting people in real life become so obsolete that––”

Suddenly, I heard a window slam shut. When I looked in the direction the noise came from, I saw a hand messing with the curtains in the window on the left, Vin’s bedroom. Feeling my chest tighten from assuming the worst, I asked, “You know, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Can we change the subject?” I hoped Vin had not overheard this embarrassing conversation.

“Well, I think this is a perfect segue to what I wanted to tell you,” Ron said, pulling a small black box out of his pocket.

I gasped. “Is that what I think it is? Listen, Ron. I know we have a special bond, but the thought of us getting married, how scandalous,” I said, putting a hand over my mouth looking away in embarrassment. “I mean, Ronald, we’re first cousins. It would be forbidden love…”

Ron laughed. “Hilarious. But seriously, I really believe Bella’s the one, and I have to go with my gut.” I looked him over to see if he meant what he was saying, and although he looked a little scruffier than usual, something was different. He usually looked a lot more stressed, but he was weirdly calm today. “Life is just great right now. I’ve been working on a ton of different research projects at the lab, then when I go home, I get to spend time with such an amazing person, so I believe that we both have added a ton of value to each other’s lives that I’m ready to tie the knot.”

“That’s amazing, brotha! Let me help plan the engagement. I’ll make sure it’s a night worth remembering,” I said.

“That’s great to hear! You’re hired! Also, I should mention you need to find a plus one for the wedding, or you’re not invited.”

“Even though I’m helping with the engagement?”

“These are the rules.”

“Oh, lovely. Even more pressure on my dating life.”

Ron stood up to stretch. “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone. But that’s a discussion for another day. It’s getting late, and I have to get to the lab in the morning. We’re working with new chemicals tomorrow, so I need my rest, or we could blow up the building.”

“Hey, Ron, could you not do the thing where you remind me how boring my job is? I still have to go to work tomorrow,” I said, getting up.

“I’ll try my best.” He laughed. “Oh right, how is Bear Watch Marketing treating you?” he said as we made our way to the front door.

“Eh, things were great until they hired this new creepy janitor that is obsessed with me. Other than that, nothing else has changed,” I said, opening the door.

Ron chuckled. “You have a way of attracting weirdos.” Once inside, Ron and Bella said goodbye to my parents, and I walked with them to their car. “Until next time, Autumn,” Ron said, giving me a hug.

Bella was next to come in for a hug. “It was great seeing you again. Swing by our place sometime.”

“Definitely,” I replied, walking back to the house, waving as they drove off. I pulled out my phone, looking at the new app with the screwdriver logo on it. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I went inside to see if anyone wanted to make it “tight.”