I’m never going to see him again. I have to put him behind me. I don’t have a choice. It hurt. It hurt almost like someone had died.
Manny watched the rain outside the Uber window. Drops struck the glass and trailed down like tears. Manny let out a heavy sigh, watching the breath condense in a small circle on the inside of the window. Why did he care so much? Why had Angel left such a terrible void? It didn’t make any sense. Manny hardly knew the pretty boy. He didn’t even know Angel’s last name. For all his effort, he had not achieved even the smallest increment of trust from that beautiful boy.
Does he have any friends? Manny wondered quietly. With walls like his, it must be really hard to make friends. I hope he has some, though. And not just ones he feels like he has to pay off with sexual favors.
That was what hung heaviest over Manny as he took the Uber ride to his uncle’s house. The thing he both loved and regretted. That encounter he had had with Angel after the pretty boy got out of the shower. It had been so good, so impossibly good. If only, there had been the rightfully accompanying feelings. If only Angel had done it for some other reason besides to satisfy Manny so he would not have to worry about being assaulted in the night. I should have said no. I shouldn’t have let him do it. I should have said something that really showed how I felt about it. What was I thinking, telling him he’s good at giving oral sex? Of course he is. Someone would have to be stupid to not realize that.
“I know,” Angel had said. The level stare in his beautiful hazel eyes had almost seemed to challenge Manny to find something meaningful to say. And Manny had found nothing. He had backed down and changed the subject.
I should have offered to do it back for him.
Wait, I would have done that?
No. I don’t even know how.
It can’t really be that hard to attempt. To show him what it means to me.
“That shit is gay as hell,” Manny remembered one of the frat boys saying. And it was suddenly horrifying to realize that he disagreed. It wasn’t too gay to make love to that strange, beautiful boy. Even to put his mouth on Angel’s body. Foreign, yes. Strange, yes. Uncomfortable to admit, definitely. But not too gay. In fact, almost tempting.
God, what has become of me? Manny looked up at the buildings passing by on the side of the road, and he swallowed. For as many times as he told himself it was over, it never seemed to be over in his mind. For as many things as he got off his chest, there seemed to be an endless following of other things he regretted not saying.
I can’t keep playing this game, Manny told himself.
But immediately after thinking so, he realized he still knew where to find Angel. If that beautiful boy had gone back to his pimp, he would be working at Tucker’s again.
“1211 Rushford, right?” the Uber driver broke into Manny’s thoughts.
“Yes, that’s right,” Manny agreed. He half-absently re-checked the address on his phone.
“Right up here on the left, then.” The driver pulled to a stop in front of Leon Devatré’s apartment complex.
“Thanks.” Manny tipped the driver at the median amount between guilt and feeling penniless, then exited the vehicle and sprinted through the rain up to the apartment complex. He climbed a metal stairway, then followed a concrete hallway out onto a long balcony. From there, he found Leon’s door. As Leon had always suggested he do, Manny pushed the doorbell button, then knocked twice.
Muffled dog barking rose from behind the door. “Kraggen, Kennel!” Manny heard Leon’s voice command the dog. He sounded grumpy. But Leon worked late, and Manny did not have a better option for catching his uncle at home besides visiting first thing in the morning. The dog barking hushed, and Leon’s muffled voice came through the door again. “I told you to see who’s at the damn door! Don’t be fuckin’ with me again! What? I gotta teach you another damn lesson!?”
Manny was just beginning to reconsider visiting right now when the door swung open. He looked up, anxious nervousness flooding him. But the person at the door was not Leon. And when Manny recognized the unexpected face, confusion hit him like a heavy wooden baseball bat. His mouth dropped open, disbelief splitting his thoughts and rendering him speechless.
Angel. Those beautiful hazel eyes stared back at Manny, equally frozen and surprised. Manny’s jaw dropped still further when his eyes lowered to Angel’s outfit—what was visible of it beyond the ajar door. Angel was wearing a dog-collar like leather choker around his neck, the solid dark leather broken only by a silver ring in the middle. Manny glanced over the enticing accessory, but his attention riveted to the exposed skin left by a black, tight, sleeveless, crop top. Black skinny jeans gripped Angel’s attractive hips, leaving his toned midsection naked.
Manny did not have time to edge a single syllable out of his throat before the door was shut in his face.
Then he was left standing there, frozen and shocked. Had he been seeing right? Manny’s eyes flickered up to the number above the door. His hand moved to his phone, intending to check the address. He had heard Leon’s voice, right? Kraggen was Leon’s Great Dane, Manny could not have the address wrong.
Manny jumped slightly when the door suddenly swung open again. This time, the person on the other side was the one Manny had been first expecting. Leon wore a dark frown as he opened the door, but the expression instantly vanished when he saw Manny. A dark-skinned hand rose to the fabric of Leon’s white tee-shirt, and he tugged at it briefly. Manny caught a glimpse of the lion on that hand before Leon spoke. “Hi, Manny. Hey, I’m sorry, man. I know I said I would check up on you the other day. Shit got busy ‘round here out of the blue, and I hadn’t got the chance to get down to the school to see you.”
“Oh, that’s ok,” Manny said, face morphing into a nervous smile. His gaze darted quickly over Leon’s figure. The man was wearing a white tee-shirt and drawstring sweatpants. He had just gotten out of bed, then.
A lump slowly grew in Manny’s throat as he stared up at his uncle. His heartbeat became a weak fluttering. The blood drained from his face, stomach sinking into his toes. Had Leon…slept…with Angel? No. No, this couldn’t be happening.
“Hey, you should come inside, I was fixin’ to make breakfast,” Leon invited. He stepped back from the door slightly.
Manny’s throat went dry. He raised a hand in a weak gesture. Eyes blinked at the wall beside Leon’s door. “No…no, it’s ok. I don’t…I don’t need anything. I just…I’ll come back later.” He started to turn.
“Manny,” Leon reached out and caught his nephew’s shoulder. “Manny, what’s up? What’s goin’ on? You look like you got somethin’ on you’ mind.”
“No, it’s fine, I’ll come back later.” Manny made another weak gesture. “You…you have a guest over.”
“Who, Angel?” Leon frowned.
Manny felt on the verge of throwing up at the sound of Angel’s name on his uncle’s lips. He tried to turn away again, but froze when Leon turned to look over his shoulder and beckoned.
“Angel. Come’ere an’ introduce you’self to Manny.” Leon turned back to Manny. “I apologize fo’ dis boy. He got a background in all kinda shit, an’ I can’t cure everything at once.”
Manny was as frozen as stone as Angel approached the doorway again. He had pulled an ill-fitting jacket over his skimpy outfit. With the hood drawn over his head, all Manny could make out of his face were those glaring eyes—still beautiful, however angry they looked.
Angry? Why is he angry? Manny suddenly wondered. I should be the one who’s angry—I should! But no, because Angel owed him nothing.
Leon dropped a hand onto Angel’s shoulder, gripping the boy in place. “This is Angel, my foster kid.”
Again, Manny’s brain froze up. His mind flashed back to when Angel had mentioned a social worker. It had seemed like a slipup. And now, gradually, Manny realized why. Angel had not been talking about a social worker that helped people get out of prostitution. He had been talking about a social worker who placed children in foster families. Angel is in the foster system? Then, the rest of the color rushing away from Manny’s face like water, “How—how old is he?”
“He’s seventeen,” Leon provided with the most reassuring answer possible. “About you’ age, I guess. Hey, I would’a introduced you two sooner, but he ran away a lil’ while ago and was gone a few days.” Then, as if remembering his original intention, “Come on inside, Manny. I’ll make us some breakfast.”
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