By the time Ian returned home from work, Vincent already shut himself in his bedroom, preparing to go to sleep. He had no intentions of speaking to Ian now or for a while. Ian was beyond saving, but maybe he could still help Eton. That meant putting space between him and Ian as much as possible.

He crawled into bed, tucking himself under the covers and putting his back to the door. He was sure that Ian would come by and knock like he did every morning and night. Vincent had even heard Ian pleading for him to come out and talk. He didn’t care how much Ian begged. He wasn’t going to send himself into the lion’s den.

Vincent shut his eyes, nestling his head into the pillow and welcoming sleep as it covered him like a blanket. He slipped into a dream, but he couldn’t see anything. He could feel something, though. Something solid was against his back, while something warm and wet touched the back of his neck.

At first, he wanted to get away from the strange sensation, but it moved down his neck slowly, hitting a sensitive area that made his lips part in a silent sigh. There was another sensation on his hip, firm and sturdy. The combination of that and whatever was happening to his neck felt… good.

Vincent felt the motion on his hip move around his body, like an embrace. It felt warm, much like the bathwater, and he wanted to sink deeper into it. However, the extra pressure coaxed his half-asleep state to finally start to slip more into consciousness. He lifted his head slightly, blinking his eyes open. Light streamed into his room from the hallway, but that could only happen if his bedroom door was open.

The realization snapped Vincent fully awake. He looked down to see arms wrapped around his body. He shifted to try to move away, but he suddenly felt something hard against his lower back. His eyes grew wide as he glanced over his shoulder, seeing Ian holding him and kissing his neck from behind. That meant that whatever was poking his lower back was… Ian.

“Get off me!” Vincent shouted at the top of his lungs, breaking out of Ian’s arms and stumbling off the bed to land awkwardly on the floor. He then whirled around on his knees to scream at Ian some more, but he froze, his eyes shooting down to see the visible ridge in his sleep shorts.

No!

No, this cannot be!

He… reacted to Ian touching him, holding him, kissing him. He wanted to throw up right then and there, his hand pressing to his stomach as he willed his body to react to such sinful actions correctly. He couldn’t have an erection over another man touching him! Shame filled him to the brim as he scooted into the closest corner of the room, cowering away from Ian.

“Eton, it’s okay! It’s just me,” Ian said as he slowly stepped toward Vincent, putting his hands up innocently.

“Leave me alone! Do not drag me into sin with you. I refuse to taint myself under God’s watchful eye. He will strike both of us down for disobeying him,” Vincent rambled, unable to stop the babble of frightened words that poured out of him. He felt so dirty, so evil.

Ian stopped in his steps, frowning and looking stung by Vincent’s words.

“I miss you, Eton. I miss you so damn much,” Ian said, the strength of his voice wavering. “Would you please come back to me?”

“Go!” Vincent snapped, reaching for the closest thing to him, which was a small trash can. He threw it at Ian, trash scattering all over the floor. "Go away!"

Ian ducked out of the way of the trash can, looking as helpless as Vincent felt. His face then turned stony as he glared down at Vincent. He let out a heavy, disappointed breath before storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

Vincent wanted to feel relieved in that moment, but he couldn’t feel anything warm or comforting. Another thought was swirling around in his mind, and it deepened the guilt and nausea that he felt. When Ian had his arms around him and was kissing him, Vincent actually enjoyed it for a few seconds. His body obviously liked it, but his mind had also longed for those touches because they felt so warm and comforting.

With a shaky breath, Vincent moved to his knees, bowing his head and joining his hands together. His entire body trembled as he presented himself to God. He had to apologize. He had to confess and try to wash away any and all blasphemous desires that his mind and body felt.

He refused to betray God. That meant taking responsibility for his wrongdoings and never repeating them. He shouldn’t have reacted in such a needy way in the first place to another man touching him. This body would no longer be used for inappropriate sexual behavior. It would be treated as a temple, untouched by sin.

“Please, God, forgive me. Forgive me for my sins. Help me lead a faithful life without sin so that I may serve you,” Vincent spoke beneath his breath, feeling his eyes burn as he closed them tightly. “I accept any punishment that you deem fitting. I promise to obey you from this point forward.”

He prayed until his throat hurt. He couldn’t count how many times he apologized, but he also couldn’t count how many times the thought of Ian’s touch flitted through his head. He felt like his mind was diseased. What if Eton was past saving too?

Holding himself, Vincent crawled back into bed, but he couldn’t lay in the same spot as before. What if Ian tried to touch him again? The thought made him shudder, but his stomach twisted in a way that made him grimace. Sin tainted his mind tonight, but he would rise with the sun tomorrow and begin again as a new man, sworn to the wishes and commands of God.