Content Warning: 16+ as there is some sexual innuendo and reference to child brides used in context.

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Dear Diary,

Today I transmigrated...

FML.

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Dear Diary,

Yesterday, I was really at a loss for words...or at least any that weren’t swear words.

Anyway, I transmigrated into some trashy web novel that I was reading. 

Saddest (read worst) plot ever. 

The main character is a thirteen-year-old girl called Biyue. Anyway, her mother runs away from a political marriage with the neighbouring sect’s creepy old Grandmaster. She gets away with it for a few years and gets pregnant, but her dad and brother come and kill the lover. Then, she’s taken back and imprisoned to await a marriage with the geezer. Since she’s considered damaged goods, her father decides to engage Biyue to the Grandmaster instead.

This is the worst part: rather than waiting for Biyue to come of age, and to prevent the same fiasco from repeating itself, the trash grandfather and uncle insist that the Grandmaster raise her himself…and that’s how Biyue ends up growing up in Lonely Peak.

Like...isn’t that…grooming? There’s no way in hell I’m going to take this kind of BS plot...so I plan to beat the crap out of the old pervert first. 

I still haven’t met him since I transmigrated, but it shouldn’t be too hard to find his courtyard because I have this super cool cheat! 

Although I’m stuck in a thirteen-year-old body, I’ve already secretly mastered my own sect’s martial arts.

Muhuhaha!

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Dear Diary,

Last night went super well!

I snuck into the Grandmaster’s chamber just after midnight. After avoiding all his shadow guards, I hit the old perv with a metal rod using the Nine Phantoms technique. I hit him until his entire body was squished to a pulp.

That’ll teach him.

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Dear Diary,

Last night Little Biyue snuck into my chamber and tried to commit murder. If I hadn’t been on guard and used a spell to exchange the space under my quilt with a side of beef aging in the storeroom, I might really have died. 

I had no idea my cute and innocent thirteen-year-old disciple could be this vicious after all these years of living quietly. I could really cry.

Worse than that, she hid the fact that she’s already mastered the Nine Phantoms technique of her own sect. 

That side of beef wasn’t particular attractive before, but needless to say, I got a huge scolding from my steward this morning. Right now, I guess we can only make five spice meat floss with it...

I’m very worried that Biyue doesn’t seem to be herself...her servant, Nanny Lin, says that maybe she’s just hitting puberty and going through a phase? She told me that I’ll have to tempt her with sweet words from now on. Honestly, my head’s still aching from that conversation...

Sigh. 

Regardless, I’m just a little bit pleased that my dear Biyue is growing up.

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Dear Diary,

I’m so dead.

The Grandmaster is still alive. ALIVE…

I was called in with all the other disciples for morning greetings and nearly lost my breakfast. 

Two reasons.

Contrary to the description in the book, which isn’t very good as he’s only ever referred to as the “old pervert,” the Grandmaster is not old or decrepit, or any of those things. The Grandmaster is actually an outrageously handsome dark-haired man with purple eyes who looks to be about twenty-seven. He wears a jewelled head piece with silver strands swinging in his long hair…and there’s a big purple gem hanging down the centre of his forehead. He even tinkles like a fairy when he walks. I’m sure he has a super hot body under those purple robes. 

I  admit that I might have accidentally drooled while writing this.

But I’m totally shocked. I really have no idea what the author was thinking calling him an old man. Maybe that’s only because most of the story is being told from Biyue’s perspective...Stupid kid.

But I digress: the second reason I wanted to throw up was because there wasn’t a single blemish, mark, or injury on him. It’s like the Nine Phantoms technique didn’t work at all...but I’m pretty sure I gave it to him pretty good...so what the hell?!

The worst part was that he took me aside privately and said with this terribly kind and worried face:

“Biyue, I sense that your practice is getting bottle-necked. If there’s something on your mind, you can always tell Master, ok? It’s good to get all your grievances out, but not in a way that damages your practice or your body. Good girl!”

And then he beamed and patted my head...talking like he actually meant all that…

Like what the hell is this? 

I don’t know what to make of it.

Side note: the steward roped me into making meat floss all day today. I really hate kitchen work. It’s torture.

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Dear Diary,

Shijie blew up the refining cauldron today.

I was in the courtyard with a book on my face, so I didn’t see all of what happened, but I did laugh pretty hard.

Of us five disciples, my two senior brothers already have their own disciples and live on different peaks while only Tang Shixiong, Meilin Shijie, and myself are still under the care of Master.

Anyway, Shijie stumbled out covered in black soot and lost her temper when she saw me laughing. I felt kind of bad because she’s been trying to make a high-quality qi restoring pill for Muhan Dai Shixiong.  Other than pill refining, she sucks at everything else.

Despite her lack of talent, it seems Muhan Dai shixiong really likes her. None of us can stand those two when they’re in the same room together…even I can see the dog food flying everywhere…and I usually have a book on top of my face.

It’s a shame that life can’t be more peaceful. 

Meilin is annoyed that I will eventually be the wife of the Grandmaster which will cause my rank to be above hers. She keeps trying to do something bad to me. So far, I’ve avoided most of it. 

Actually, I just wish she’d save me the trouble and marry him instead of bugging me.

Today, I also found out that the Grandmaster is named after the morning star. His name is Guan Qiming of Lonely Peak Sect…it sort of has a nice ring to it.  Much better than “old pervert.”

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Dear Diary,

My fourth disciple, Xiang Meilin, poisoned little Biyue.

I was secretly enraged, but Biyue refused to tell me what happened or to place any blame. She simply endured it. 

It’s been four days now.

I have gave her all my good medicines and pills, but it looks like her body is having a hard time detoxifying it. This can’t go on too much longer or her internal organs will suffer. 

I’m trying not to panic. 

I had the medicine king from Seven Colour valley come urgently at my request, so I should have nothing to worry about…but my heart is not at peace. A very unbecoming state for an old immortal. I’m actually quite ashamed.

I shouldn’t be too anxious as she will certainly survive with his skills, but how long should I wait to tell her that I’ve waited for hundreds of years for her to be born? That we are fated? That she is my moon, and I am her guiding star…

How do I explain everything that happened in our past lives together?

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Dear Diary,

Something really strange happened.

I’ve been sick for days from that terrible organ corroding poison that Meilin Shijie used to get back at me for the cauldron incident…even though all I did was laugh. Ok, maybe I did f--- with it a little…but still, organ corroding poison is a bit overboard, right?

Anyway, I feel like Master’s attitude changed a bit. Although, he has been at my side the whole time watching over me…something seems different?

My heart feels weirdly full…like it can’t hold all of my feelings anymore, and they just seem to spill over.

Even though I can’t always hear the conversations that Master has with the medicine king, the tone of his voice sounds worried.

Master…what are you really thinking about?

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Dear Diary,

It’s been a while. 

Anyway, new year has come and gone twice since I last wrote. I’m fifteen now.

So, I’m sure you’re wondering why I still haven’t hightailed it out of here yet? 

Well, actually Lonely Peak is protected by a very complicated barrier spell that only Grandmaster knows how to undo. Even though my level is pretty good, the barrier spell is ancient magic left by an agreement between the first sect leader and the local mountain deity who sleeps within the peak. Legend says that it’s some giant, black, celestial python with horns.

Since I don’t want to be snake bait, I’ve been biding my time and sneaking into the forbidden library to try to figure out how I can escape.

Also, and I’m kind of reluctant to admit this, but I’m eating well…sleeping well…except for Meilin Shijie giving me the odd bit of trouble, life is pretty good. My martial arts practice is stellar, and I can probably be considered one of the most outstanding in the sect.

Since that’s the case…it’s been a little boring…so now that I’ve advanced to a level that even Master doesn’t know about, I’ve taken to spying on him when he takes a bath in the back mountain hot spring.

Yes, I admit it. I was kinda pervy in my previous life, but what’s a pent up, thirty-year-old virgin, office worker got going on except maybe boys’ love comics? Like seriously. Does NOT compare to real life, isekai eye candy…

The only thing that I can’t figure out is why Master seems to flip out like a teenage girl. It’s a good thing there’s a sound spell on the forbidden area or it would really be damaging to his reputation. 

I’m sure he can’t tell it’s me because I’m using a Nine Phantom concealing spell that cloaks my qi, but everything will be going just fine and then BOOM! he’ll shriek, half throw on a robe, and then run half naked, crying about some ghost before hiding in his room.

I’ve seen his naked butt like six times now and I have to say it’s pretty awesome.

Unfortunately, after the last time, Master developed a complex about the hot spring, so he stopped going.

I really miss the view.

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