Tim’s talk with Penny didn’t go well. He hadn’t expected it to, but he had hoped to be wrong. Tim was nothing if not a dreamer.

Still, it wasn’t really that bad. At the very least, Penny hadn’t cried. Tim counted that as a win. If he’d been smart, he would have been suspicious instead. Then again, Tim wasn’t a criminal because of his great critical thinking skills. 

“So you’re quitting? Why? Is it because we haven’t made the Top 10 Villains list?” Penny looked upset again and Tim felt a bit bad. Just a bit. 

“No, I just don’t think I’m cut out for all this,” he said with a shrug, shifting on his feet as he stood in Penny’s office. It was actually more of a cluttered broom closet Penny liked to pretend was where she got things done even though everyone knew she’d rather work from her favorite beanbag chair. 

There were blueprints with scribbles on them that were mostly half finished plans—and some doodles—on Penny’s small desk. A chart with assigned chores was hanging on the wall next to a group picture of everyone the day they moved in. Mostly though, Penny kept all her knick-knacks there, like the creepy skull pen holder someone had given her last Christmas in an attempt to make her seem intimidating. Now there was a cutesy pen with a smiling frog sticking out of it. 

“Oh Tim, you’re still young,” Penny said, regaining Tim’s attention. “When I was your age I wasn’t sure if villainy was for me, but look at me now!” She spread her arms out as if her office were some grand thing to be shown off and only succeeded in toppling a stack of books from her desk.

“Penny, you’re only five years older than me,” Tim said in a dry tone, watching her pick up her books. He didn’t point out that she hadn’t really made it as a villain because he wasn’t that horrible a person yet. 

“My point is, it’s normal to question the paths we take when we’re young. I mean, there’s so many possibilities. Did you know I was almost a baker?”

Yes, Tim was aware of that. He still remembered the bake off of 2015. It had been terrifying and half of them had ended up getting food poisoning.

“I’ve been doing this for three years and it's been fun,” Tim said, noting the hopeful look on Penny’s face when hearing that. “But I don't want to spend the rest of my life robbing banks and getting chased by cops. Besides, I didn't even mean to stick around this long.” Honestly, Tim had just been looking for a way to not starve and there weren't many requirements for the job.

Penny looked resigned as she leaned back in her chair, sniffling every now and then while she mulled over Tim’s words. After a moment, her face seemed to brighten. Clearly, Penny had an idea. Tim worried about what that might mean for him and his plans of an early retirement. 

“Okay,” Penny said in a suspiciously bright tone. “How about this, you stay on the team until your birthday and I give you a little bonus to help you with the crippling student debt you’ll be accumulating.” 

While Tim didn't appreciate that little reminder of what he’d be signing up for, the plan didn't sound so bad. Actually, it was a pretty good deal.

Tim was instantly suspicious.

“What’s the catch?”

“Honestly Tim, you wound me. I would never try to trick you.” Tim didn't buy it for a second.

Still, he was dealing with a villain—even if not a very good one—so he should have expected some form of trickery. Besides, it wasn't likely that Penny would do anything truly evil. At least, not on purpose.

He looked at her blatantly nervous expression as she waited anxiously to see if he’d take her up on the offer and figured he might as well give it a shot. It wasn’t like he had planned on leaving immediately anyway. Besides, it would give him time to figure out what he wanted to study and look up schools he could afford. With a sigh, Tim resigned himself to another couple of months of living as a criminal.

“Fine,” he agreed, and was mildly amused at the poorly repressed glee Penny clearly felt at the moment. “But only until my birthday,” he reminded his boss. Penny nodded eagerly.

“Yes, yes, of course. Now go on and get some rest, I have things to do. You know, crimes to plan, banks to rob.”

Yes, Tim thought, Penny’s definitely up to something.

He figured he’d just deal with it when Penny unveiled her master plan. With any luck, it would fail spectacularly. With that in mind, Tim walked out of Penny’s office and didn’t mind the muffled cackling that could still be heard from within. 

Huh, she’s getting better at it, he thought idly. 

Of all the people who worked with Penny, all the lackeys Tim had gotten to know over the years, Lina—short for Catalina, thought no one who wanted to stay away from the hospital called her that—was probably the one he spent the most time with. Maybe because she was, like Tim, somewhat competent. Also, she was just fun to talk to. 

Tim would still appreciate it if she didn’t greet him by shoving a newspaper in his face.

“Look, we made page four!” Lina said cheerfully while Tim took the newspaper from her. 

“Local goons forget to rob bank, authorities puzzled by incompetence,” Tim read aloud. There was a picture of the cops and the pile of duffel bags with money that they’d forgotten. Tim felt a bit insulted because it wasn’t like they hadn’t taken anything. “Has Penny seen this?” 

“Nope, but maybe she’d like the attention,” Lina said with a shrug. She was nothing if not a perpetual optimist. 

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Penny was more likely to end up going on a baking spree—her rather productive method of coping—after reading the article. 

Lina sat next to Tim on the couch he was currently occupying. It was Tim’s favorite spot on the lounge, even if the couch was a bit lumpy. 

“You know, it’d be great if the stupid reporters stopped writing terrible articles about us. I mean, we’ve pulled off some decent crimes,” Lina sounded downright offended. Personally, Tim could see where the reporters were coming from. 

It seemed that his expression was skeptical enough for Lina to notice. 

“We have,” she insisted. “Like that time we crashed that rich guy’s party and robbed the guests.”

“Benny fell in the pool and almost drowned and the most valuable thing we stole before we got chased out was the cake.”

“It was a good cake.”

“Yes, it was. Still not what I’d call a success.”

“How about the car show from last year?” 

“We got lost and ended up at an anime convention. Remember, Penny took all those pictures because everyone thought she was cosplaying.” Tim was sure he’d seen one hanging in her room. 

“Oh yeah,” Lina said, apparently having recalled that particular incident. “Still, there has to be something they can write about.” There really wasn’t.

“Didn’t they do an interview with that one villain from uptown a while ago? The one with the creepy mask that lights up.”

“Doctor Harbinger?” Lina asked, sounding skeptical.

“Yeah, that one! By the way, what kinda name’s that? I bet he’s not even qualified to be called a doctor.” It was a common problem in their profession. Everybody and their mother was a doctor now a days. 

“I didn’t know they did an interview with him. What the hell? He hasn’t even been around that long! Penny has seniority,” Lina pointed out while Tim nodded in agreement. “If anyone deserves an interview it’s her,” she went on, a thoughtful look on her face, dark eyes twinkling with the beginnings of a plan.

Tim probably should have known better than to stick around after that. Unfortunately, Tim was an idiot. 

That was how he ended up helping Ricky—a tall henchman in his early twenties Lina had roped into assisting with her little scheme—load a very unfortunate journalist into a van. The poor guy was gagged and bound and very sweaty. Tim couldn’t blame him because being kidnapped was never fun. Especially when your kidnappers kept dropping you, but honestly, the guy was kinda chubby and Tim wasn’t particularly well built.  

It was a relief when they finally got him inside. Tim was sure his back would be killing him the next day, but if the plan went well it would be worth it. Maybe. 

“So what now?” he asked Lina, pulling out a couple of water bottles and handing one to a grateful looking Ricky. 

“Now we get back home and surprise Penny,” she said with the cheer one could only have when they hadn’t had to carry a man twice their weight. 

“Uh huh, and you think he’s going to cooperate?” Tim asked, raising an eyebrow. They glanced at the man they’d just kidnapped who just looked back at them fearfully. 

“Maybe?” Tim didn’t miss the fact that was a question. “When we explain it to him he’ll see what a good opportunity this is.”

“Why didn’t we just ask, then?” Ricky said. A very sensible question.

“Because we’re villains, and villains don’t ask nicely. Weren’t you paying attention at the seminar?” 

“No one paid attention at the seminar,” Tim chimed in while Ricky nodded.

“You guys are terrible henchmen,” Lina muttered. “Anyway, we’ll explain things once we get home. Then we'll surprise Penny.”

In theory, it was all simple. Foolproof, even. Tim was still wary. 

But they managed to make it home and even got some help with unloading their hefty cargo. The guy did seem a bit offended at how many people were needed but Tim didn’t think that was his biggest problem. 

For example, he’d probably need something to cover up his new bald spot courtesy of Ricky’s poor skills with duct tape. Tim made a mental note not to tape over their captives’ hair in future kidnapping attempts. That was just rude. 

“Who are you people? What do you want?” Both were very reasonable questions. Especially when faced with a crowd of strange men and women dressed like cliche, vintage comic book villains—Penny had an aesthetic—curiously staring.  

“We want you to do us a small favor,” Lina said with a grin that looked nothing short of predatory. Tim was pretty impressed. 

“If you want money, I’m broke.” Their captive, apparently, wasn’t as impressed.

“We don’t want your money. For now,” Lina said, looking thoughtful. “We just want you to do your job.”

The man looked confused. Tim couldn’t blame him. Especially when Alex walked in with Penny, who was still sick and dressed in her fuzziest robe. Honestly, Alex could have mentioned they had company. 

“What’s going on?” Penny asked, pausing at the entrance of their improvised cell—the laundry room. 

“Surprise! We got you an interview for the newspaper,” Lina said.  

For a moment, Tim didn’t know who was more surprised, the poor guy they’d kidnapped or Penny. Then, a delighted look broke through the initial shock on Penny’s face and Tim figured it didn’t matter so much. For once, things seemed to have worked out. 

“I can’t believe you guys got the wrong guy,” Lina said a couple of days later as she sat in the lounge with Tim once again. 

“To be fair, you didn’t specify who we should grab. You just told us to get someone to interview Penny,” Tim pointed out, biting into a freshly baked cookie. “And Penny seems happy enough.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Lina said with a resigned sigh, taking one of the cookies from the plate in front of her. Next to it, Penny’s Dreadfully Delicious Doughnuts was proudly displayed on the newspaper’s cooking column.