Sunset, I went home in insecurity. I felt like someone looked behind me and followed my steps. My heartbeat was fast when my eyes turned back to check it out. But nobody here; the air was quiet, the street light illuminated. I heard the footstep, but I just saw a black cat walking when I turned back. I obsessed with the eyes at the restaurant and fell into the fear of the footstep following me.

***

August 27th at 14:00 at Paradise restaurant.

I talked to a guest, and she came to book a table for the wedding anniversary. Since starting work, my communication skills increased significantly. After she left, I brought food to serve table 12. Moving agile, I was shocked when I saw my father through the glass window. He stood outside in front of the main door, pulling a cigarette from his pocket.

I walked too fast while being surprised to see my father, a "bang" resounded in the noise in the restaurant. Broken bowls and dishes along with the food on the tray were scattered all over the floor.

"Oh my god, why are you so careless, Abony?" Mrs. Mia said as she ran over to help me clean up.

"I'm sorry."

Ms. Rose, the manager, ran to help me apologized, and reassured the guests at table 12. Then, she turned to remind me. I just kept apologizing and cleaning up the mess on the floor. The door was all designed with glass doors. That was why I was scared when I saw my father stand outside. I glanced over at my father while he still had not left. Father was facing this way. My face was hot when I didn't know what to do.

Luckily, I breathed a sigh of relief when my father walked away. Disaster struck my head when a customer had a broken glass pinned to his shoe. His brows furrowed, he calmly sat down, took a piece out of his shoe, and called the manager to come. Ms. Rose bowed her head in apology repeatedly while my hands were shaking for fear of being fired. After work, Ms. Rose asked me to stay at her office. Accordingly, I stood in front of the door, took a deep breath, and entered.

"Come in." Looking into my eyes, Ms. Rose said.

"Hi. Ms. Rose." I walked close to her and sat on the chair.

"I think you know why I told you to come," she said.

"Well, what's wrong with you? You have a mental health problem or something?" she continued after I nodded.

"I'm so sorry about those messes today, ma'am," I said as my eyes glued to my sweaty hands.

"You know, all mistakes have to cost. So, I'll reduce your salary this month. Do you have any questions about my decision?" Her stern eyes stared at me.

"Yes, it's my responsibility," I replied with my jubilant heart.

"Alright. You could go," she said.

"Thank you so much, ma'am." Stood up and walked away, I said.

"By the way, I want to tell you one thing," ms. Rose said as I stopped. "Remember, Abony. Negligence in any profession is also no conscience."

"Noted with thanks, ma'am." I lowed my head.

Outside, I thought about her words and my carelessness. Just one day, I fell into fear a second time. But everything went fine. My lie didn't expose or lose my job. But I felt a stranger following me again, though I didn't see anyone behind prove my feeling. It was so scary.

***

September 9th.

Today, I got my first salary. I could not wait to stink to the department shop to touch my dream drawing kits. The energy of happiness surrounded my soul when I opened the shop door. Jogging to the shelf had drawing kits, but nothing in there. I walked around to find it but was hopeless. I approached the checkout.

"Can I help you?" a cashier asked.

"Hello, I'm Abony. I'm finding a drawing kit. May you help me?" I said.

"Okay, just wait a minute." she checked the information on the computer. "Sorry, Abony. All drawing kits are out of stock."

"How long I can wait to buy it?" I asked with my disappointed eyes.

"Maybe three weeks or more. I'm not sure about that," she replied.

"Alright. I'll come back next time. Thank you," I said as walking away.

"You're welcome." She smiled.

I went home after that. Today was an off day of the month at the restaurant. I thought I should go to the tutoring in the afternoon. But my mood was so low. I sat on the rocking chair under an old tree in my yard. The first time I put my feet in this town, I used to look here as a wonderland. But today, I saw dowdy and backward in here. The simple thing like the drawing kits also didn't have. My eyes were glued to the ground, my hands held slightly to the rope fixed the swing, and my feet put to the swing moved. The empty feeling in my heart while I didn't know how long I could buy a drawing kit.

"Hey, Ebony. What's up?" A man approached me and said.

"I'm Abony. Stop the nonsense." I looked at the man as I knew he was George.

"Here. For you." He put in front of me a beautiful rose, smiled, and said.

"I love anytime you smile, Abony. Keep the smile in your mouth more and more." He stared at me with the sweet eyes and put his hand rubbing my hair.

My face was pink while my heart skipped a bit. George was so kind. I never thought I would vibrate in front of him. I received the rose and said thanks to him. He made my worries disappear. He was like a bright sun I never could touch while I was always in the darkness and negative feeling.

No, no. no, no, no, oh crap, oh crap. George moved close to me and wanted to kiss me. His face moved a distance from my face at 1mm. 

"Sorry, I have to go," I whispered as my heart wanted to jump out.

"Alright," he said.

I stood up and jogged as fast as into my house.