He drove to the place where Zain was buried. It was in a nearby cemetery, just 15 minutes away from their home. He chose a place that was nearby so that he could always go there whenever he wanted to.
On the way, he bought fresh new flowers. He bought pink camellias, red and pink carnations, and red chrysanthemums. The pink flowers were scattered within the red flowers. On the side, he also grabbed a small bouquet of heliotrope. They meant devotion and eternal love. The flower bouquet he bought the day before was dark crimson red flowers that signified mourning and red roses that meant love, or “I love you”.
The florist saw this man the day before and was concerned with his flower choices. She didn’t say anything but did her best to make the bouquet beautiful. Each of these flowers had different meanings.
Pink camellias meant “longing for you.”
Red carnations meant “my heart aches” and pink carnations meant “I’ll never forget you.”
Lastly, red Chrysanthemums also meant “I love you.” She wondered why he didn’t choose roses, but she didn’t say anything.
She put it all together and gently handed them to Cole. She didn’t say much but her voice was gentle. “Thank you and have a good day.”
Cole thanked her and walked out of the flower shop. He was very careful with the bouquets. Even if he knew that it would eventually die no matter how much care, he still wanted them to be in pristine condition when they got to Zain.
When he arrived, he grabbed the scarf and flowers and walked into the cemetery with them. Zain was buried more toward the middle of the cemetery, so he had to pass by other graves.
Every person buried had memories that the living carried. It was up to those who were alive to remember those who had passed.
Arriving toward the middle, he saw a newly placed headstone, it was Zain’s grave. The grass hadn’t grown back all the way. Even the green tent that was usually placed on new graves was gone.
He got Zain an upright, rooftop headstone. It was large with a missing space on it. He brought it as a package deal for when he passed away too. Under Zain’s name, there was a small quote.
You will always be the light of my life.
It was true. Even now, when he felt all hope was lost, Zain was the one that kept him moving forward, kept him on his feet.
Cole placed the flowers down in front of the grave and then he wrapped the scarf around the headstone. It looked a little awkward, but he was able to get it to not fall.
He looked up and he saw Zain, wearing the scarf he bought him. The Zain he saw was livelier, healthier, and brighter than what he remembered. There were no bandaids on his arms, no IV tubes attached to him, and no bruises or scars. He looked just as he did before he got ill.
Zain mouthed something, but Cole could not hear him. But somehow, he knew what Zain wanted to tell him.
Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me. Take care of yourself, you promised you would. Live for me, Cole. Live for me.
Cole tried to reach out to grab him, to hold him one more time, just one more time, but Zain only held out his hand. They could not touch each other but Cole felt a warmth for the first time in Zain’s hand which always used to be cold. Slowly, Zain began to disappear. First from his hands, to his arms, and both his legs, until finally, all Cole could see was the smile on Zain’s face.
After that, Zain disappeared.
He knelt on the ground, using the headstone as support. He put his forehead on it, tears slowly dripping down his face. He wanted to say something but he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
He closed his eyes as tightly as he could. His hands gripped the headstone until his knuckles turned white.
After a while, Cole finally found the words that were stuck in his throat.
“I love you.”
“I love you, Zain”
“I love you so much.”
He wanted to say that he couldn’t live without Zain. He wanted to tell him to come back to him. He had thousands of words that he wanted him to hear. He wanted to tell him so many things but he knew that he was gone from this world.
He slowly stood up without wiping his tears. His eyes were red, and his eye bags were prominent, but there was something different in his eyes.
There was a light in Cole’s eyes.
“I will live for you, Zain. I will never forget you, I will never stop loving you. I will take you everywhere I go, so you must never forget me.”
“Please, watch over me…”
He paused. He felt like there was a stone in his throat but he forced himself to say, “And wait for me to come back to you.”
Cole brushed the dirt off of his clothes, cleaned the grave up a little bit more, and slowly walked out of the cemetery.
His whole body felt a bit lighter. He didn’t feel as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He didn’t feel empty. His whole body felt a bit of warmth, the one that Zain left for him.
Even if Zain was gone from the world, he knew that Zain was watching over him and living in his memories.
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