Puberty was especially difficult for Ash and as his body began to change he became more and more uncomfortable in his own skin. Being an omega came with certain physical changes that he was unprepared for since his older sibling was a beta and his parents were a beta and an alpha. No one had ever taken the time to explain to him how his own anatomy even worked, and he was beyond ashamed to ask the school nurse or any of his peers for assistance. In addition to his hips and bum rounding out, he was also struggling with the hormonal changes that made his mood incredibly unstable. Never quick to cry, Ash would now find himself in deep spells of depression in which he wouldn’t even realize he had been crying until he looked down to see his shirt soaked in tears. Some days he was lucid enough to reflect on what was happening, but for the most part he suffered in silence and went through the motions of day-to-day life so no one would suspect any difference. Another drastic change in Ash’s life was the cutting. It began during a panic attack when Ash was eleven and had developed into a near nightly ritual since then. His arms were covered in marks, and since he was always cold it was easy to explain away wearing long sleeves and pants year round. After a while, everyone stopped asking, although not many bothered in the first place. Ash had razors hidden throughout his room and at least two on his person at all times. Usually one in his pocket and another in his sock, just in case one got lost. Some days he didn’t even need to cut, just holding the cool metal against his skin was enough to feel relief. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case most days and especially when puberty intensified. The marks began to get deeper. 

Ah Ash’s body began to fill out, more of his peers began to notice him. Some would throw slightly disguised jeers his way, but most would taunt and verbally harass him. He began to wear oversized sweaters that covered as much of his body as possible and hunched over when he walked to make himself small and unassuming. Most days he would navigate an gauntlet of insults ranging from freak and disgusting to much lewder insults like slut and whore. Ash knew he had no control over his gender or how he was born and that those insulting him were doing so out of ignorance, but that didn’t take away the bite of their words. At one point Ash managed the courage to ask his parents why the other kids thought so poorly of him, but they simply responded that kids will be kids and one day they will get bored and stop. His parents were partially right - the kids did get bored of verbally harassing him, but the bullying didn’t stop. In between his third and fourth period one day Ash was grabbed from behind and dragged by the hood of his hoodie. The grip was so forceful it knocked him backwards and the pull so tight against his throat he was gasping for air. His hands scrambled desperately trying to give his airway some leeway, but his long sleeves were in the way and he couldn’t grab hold of anything. He was dragged around a corner and thrown against the wall. His back impacted painfully, but at least he could finally breathe as he felt air rush into his lungs. Gasping, he placed one sleeve-covered-hand up to his throat while the other steadied him as he leaned heavily against the wall. Although he had never been beaten up before, he had a good idea of what was to come. The boy who dragged him earlier was now glaring down at Ash while his two friends stood behind him. They all had a sickly gleam in their eyes and were smiling the way a wolf does at a small rabbit. 

“Would you look at that, boys. We got ourselves a gen-u-ine freak on our hands.” The boy who grabbed Ash said with a laugh. Ash could tell by their stature they were two alphas and a beta, and it seemed like the beta was in charge. Although shorter than the other two boys behind him, the beta still towered over Ash and his pheromones were emitting a foul stench that reminded Ash of decaying flesh. The two behind him stood with wicked grins plastered to their faces waiting. Ash didn’t respond to the heckling, and instead curled in on himself hoping the boys would be content with a few insults then leave. “Go on - do something you freak!” The first boy yelled louder, taking a step closer towards Ash. “What do they want from me?” Ash thought to himself. “Just because I’m an omega doesn’t mean I have a tail or something.” Ash did nothing and stayed quiet, praying the boys would leave. “We’re talking to you bitch!” The second boy yelled and just as he did Ash felt the first punch. The beta boy had stepped into it hard, hitting Ash square on the cheek knocking his skull and back against the wall. From that one hit, Ash’s head was pounding and he knew his lip was bleeding, but he remained quiet. Whether this was his disassociating or not wanting to give the boys the satisfaction of his fear Ash wasn’t sure, but he kept his head down and remained quiet. “Stupid bitch,” the beta said before pulling his fist back and punching Ash again. His head hit the wall a second time and he began to see stars at the edge of his vision. Just before the boy hit him a third time, one of his alpha lackeys stepped in. 

“You know,” he said, “I heard a rumor that you tried to kill yourself last summer.” Ash’s head moved up so quickly his spine practically snapped. “No,” he thought to himself. “No one knows.” “That’s right,” said the third boy, “someone saw you change in the locker room and said you look like a knife sharpener.” “That can’t be,” Ash unconsciously had clasped his hands behind his back hiding them from view, but now he had no way to protect himself from what was to come. “Well then,” said the beta, “let’s see your wrists and find out if the rumors are true!” Ash was visibly trembling now, and the tears he had managed to keep at bay were slowly rolling down his cheeks. He shook his head fervently side to side and locked his hands together behind his back. “You think asking is going to stop us?” The beta barked in laughter. Without instruction, the two alphas had moved to either side of Ash and suddenly each grabbed an arm and pulled. With their difference in size, it was only a matter of seconds before each had wrestled his arm from behind him and both ripped his sleeves up revealing his wrists. There were cuts in various stages of healing with the most recent being from last night. None of the scars were bad enough to suggest a suicide attempt, but that didn’t matter to the boys. “Would you look at that! Ha! The little pussy couldn’t even kill himself right!” The boys laughed in unison while Ash crumbled inside. The beta then hit Ash a few more times, each time winding up further and putting as much as he could muster into the punch. Eventually, the two alphas were holding Ash up by his arms because his legs had given out and they were the only thing supporting him. All this happened in the span of a ten minute class change. Once the bell rang, the boys dropped Ash as if he was nothing more than a nuisance - some trash they picked up on the side of the road - before walking off to class leaving him there on the floor. This was the first time those boys would beat Ash up, but certainly not the last. Although he tried his best to avoid them and even hide in between classes, they were always able to find him out. Eventually, Ash stopped hiding and just accepted that daily beatings were a part of his life. In a way, it was like cutting - the pain was an escape, and while he was not the one inflicting it, he was the one accepting it. He was being punished, but it was okay because at least he was able to feel something other than the emptiness that had taken root inside him.