I told her that she can move in with us.

Aidan felt like he was hearing the words, yet not really hearing them at all. They hung in the air between them like a weird, pitchy ringing that could have just as easily been an illusion of the sound reverberating from the speakers. He really should have stopped staring at Ben like some idiot, incapable of comprehending what he just told him. Especially since he could see it was making the worry on his face deepen with each passing second.

“I…” his round eyes became impossibly larger. “Aidan I’m-”

“Hi! Sorry for the wait.”

Aidan jumped in his seat as though someone just spilled a whole box of thumbtacks under his ass. That waitress definitely just popped out of thin air. She seemed oblivious to it though, smiling at them as she wiped her hands on her apron. “What can I get you?”

“Um…” Great, now he was acting like an idiot in front of a complete stranger too. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to remember how to use his words – not even the right ones, just any would have done in that moment. If only it didn’t feel like he was slowly sinking into the depths of a bad dream.

“The usual?” The lifeline thrown at him made Aidan’s gaze flicker across the table. Chris was such an idiot sometimes that it was hard to remember he could be an actual angel. He only took a moment to look at his calm smile before nodding his head. From the corner of his eye, he could see Ben doing the same.

“A rum and Coke and two gin and tonics,” Chris turned his most diplomatic attention, along with the matching grin, to the waitress. “Thank you.”

“Sure thing. Anything else?”

“I think that’s it for now.”

“Well, if you change your mind don’t hesitate to call me. I’m Amber, by the way.” Was Aidan imagining, or was there some not so subtle subtext to these words? Not that it would be a first if it was, nor that it mattered. What he needed to focus on right now was the sour, stinging sensation that gripped his chest from the inside.

Leah moving in was… shit, he knew it might happen but he wasn’t ready to deal with it, and he sure as hell couldn’t let that burn in his eyes turn into something wetter, and far more embarrassing. Aidan used the short exchange between Chris and the waitress and the excuse of checking his phone to look away for a second, pulling his nose and himself together. No friend would react the way he was now. He was being selfish again.

When he turned back to the table Amber was already gone, off to get their drinks and, most likely, gush to a coworker about the tall, handsome client she has in one of her tables. If she were to show them as well, Aidan had no doubt in mind they’d agree. The way Chris was leaning back in his seat again, elbow leaning against the backrest once more in a way that made him look effortlessly cool while also showing just enough of his built physique was doing him nothing but favors. There was something more to it though, something he didn’t think a stranger would notice. The smallest amount of tension in the very tips of his fingers that rhythmically grazed the dark wood of the bench and the corners of his eyes that were not alert but certainly aware as he looked in a way that was barely noticeable back and forth between him and Ben.

Ben.

Turning the few extra inches it took to look at him felt like he was pulling against a thousand invisible rubber bands, trying to make his head stay in place and threatening to snap it back at any moment. His eyes were already on him, worried and remorseful while the corners of his lips trembled downwards.

“Are you mad?” He almost mouthed. “I’m so sorry Aidan. I should have asked you first.”

It was worse than he thought. He could feel the pain he was causing Ben, like it not only reflected, but deflected onto him as well, a thick rope that coiled from the bottom of his stomach all the way to the very top of his neck, squeezing him, cutting into his skin and making it hard to breathe.

“Don’t be silly,” he felt himself smile at Ben, a poor attempt at the reassuring smile he saw on Chris earlier. “I would have done the same thing.”

“She doesn’t have to, there are other options. She can sublet a place or maybe stay with a friend until she finds a new apartment and-”

“She doesn’t have to do any of that." He reached over to put his hand on Ben’s shoulder, ignoring the jolt of pain it sent through his entire body. "You did the right thing okay? I’m glad you told her to come stay with us.”

“Really?” Finally, some of the conflicted emotions that clouded Ben’s expression were starting to disperse, letting a softer, hesitantly thankful one peek through. Aidan let out a sigh of relief.

“Really. I just… I was a little worried how it’ll be for her with how small the apartment is. But I’m sure we’ll figure it out,” he forced himself to keep his smile in place. The thought of Leah moving in with them was… suffocating. 

“We can talk about it, see how we can make it work. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick, okay?” Even Ben wouldn’t believe him saying it was fine if he was crying at the same time. He needed a moment to process all of this in privacy, to put all of these emotions back in the boxes he carefully stored them into all those years ago and secure the locks. Strewn around as they were, the mess they created in his head, and no less so his heart, was too much to handle, all-consuming and blinding. Enough so to make him forget it was not just the two of them, until he heard Chris speaking again from the other side of the table.

“How about you rent the extra room in my place?”