Aria

“We… We… kissed!”

The room fell completely silent for a moment after Andrea’s high-pitched squeal filled the entire room, a freckled hand smacking over her mouth a moment later as she realized just how loud she’d been. I shrunk into myself with embarrassment, attempting to hide behind the comforting enclosure of my hair as everyone turned to look at us for a moment. However, almost as soon as it began, chatter filled the air again and our little outburst was (hopefully) long forgotten. 

“Sorry, I was just so excited…” Andrea apologized, her brows knitting together with sincerity as she removed the top of her own metal lunch container. 

“...But that’s huge, Ari! I mean, just a few days ago you were telling me how he barely even wanted to acknowledge your existence - which I think is still pretty freakin’ rude no matter what you say - ” she mumbled that last part, putting her palms up in defense as she anticipated my usual response. “But this has to mean he at least feels something for you, right?” She half-questioned, half-declared as her voice tilted upward with hope.

“Andrea, this whole transition has been hard on everyone... I don’t blame him for taking a little longer than others to warm up, not all couples jump under the sheets the first night like you and your Soulmate. I’ve waited for him since age six, it won’t kill me to wait a little longer! Plus, I’m sure he will eventually come around if I keep diligently tending to all of his needs.” I explained for the umpteenth time, addressing her opinion on his behavior. 

Andrea opened her mouth to speak, but I held up an indignant finger, indicating that I wasn’t finished. She simply huffed, placing her hand underneath her chin before gesturing for me to continue. 

However, as I thought of how to explain the second part, my eyes involuntarily crinkled as I looked down with a slightly embarrassed grimace, knowing the truth behind the kiss was much less romantic than my hopeful brain would like to make me think.

“...And… well… in regards to the kiss… it was not exactly carried out… willingly.” I whispered under my breath, tucking my hands underneath my thighs as I attempted to make myself look as small as possible in my chair.

“What?! Did he force you? Oh hell no, I’m gonna rip him a new one, I swear to the Elders I -” 

“No, no, no!” I countered, slipping my hands out from underneath my thighs and waving them wildly as I quickly realized that my wording was all wrong. “He didn’t make me kiss him, I swear, it was his mom! She was so adamant about getting a picture of us kissing and… and he didn’t want to disappoint her I guess…” I trailed off, looking down to pick at the corner of my nails as I awaited her response, although I glanced up through my lashes every now and then to gauge her reaction.

“Oh…” Came her simple reply after a few moments of hesitation, eyes absently scanning the table as she focused on gathering up her thoughts. “... well… how did it feel?” she asked as she lifted her head, sending my cheeks directly into another round of flamethrower activity.

“It was… amazing.” I breathed out, a whine escaping the back of my throat as I recalled the ripe plumpness of his lips, the strength of his muscles as he pressed me into his body, or the way his mouth dominated mine in a way that pleased the very core of the submissive genetics that were quite literally downloaded into the foundation of my being. 

Quite literally everything about Thaddeus was perfect, he just needed a little fine tuning was all.

“... Well, it was amazing until…” I mumbled absentmindedly as the not-so-rosy side of last night’s events finally floated into the forefront of my memory. It was like my brain just didn’t want to fully accept the rest of what happened in an effort to preserve our Soulmate’s untarnished image. 

I suppose that I got lost in my head and paused for a second too long as I was slightly startled by Andrea’s inquisitive tone that broke through the cloudiness of my thoughts. “Until what, Ari? What happened?” She urged.

Another hopeless whine worked its way up through my vocal cords as my brain fought the idea of repeating that dreadful chain of events. But after a few moments of deliberation, I heaved a sigh as I prepared myself to give her every detail of what transpired, as I knew that there was no logical escape from the inquisitive jaws of my protective friend.

__

Aria squirmed around uncomfortably in his chair, dainty extremities tingling as his fragile brain glitched out, trying to put together the scattered memories of what just happened. 

He’d always been told never to lie, that it went against the core values of The Society. So, facing the idea that he’d done exactly that was practically tearing every one of his little brain cells apart, one by one.

Meanwhile, one could practically see the bright red steam pouring out of Thaddeus’ ears as he rounded the corner that led to the kitchen. His sharp jaw ticked with irritation as he prepared to absolutely fuckin’ squash that little Bug who insisted on making his life more and more fucked up by the minute. 

See, what Thaddeus hated more than anything was anything that he couldn’t control, and Aria fulfilled that niche to a tee. Alongside the flurry of new emotions that he blamed Bug during that blasted kiss, it was safe to say that Thaddeus Axton had reached his limit. 

So, Thad wasted no time in lashing out as he approached the table at which Aria sat at in a catatonic state.

“What the fuck, Bug?!” 

Aria’s throat seized, causing his vocal cords to involuntarily squeeze out a yelp out at the sudden, loud outburst, and his legs to shoot to attention as he stood straight up in his spot. His amygdala practically burned a hole in his head as his body kicked into a state of fight or flight, however the small man fought tooth and nail against the urge, as the last thing he wanted to do was anger his Soulmate any more by hightailing it out of the room. 

“You call that lying?! I could literally get one of your dumb little Instructional Unit kids to put on a better show than that!” Thad spat, advancing even further on the much smaller man as he leaned across the dinner table. 

At this point, the veins in his neck and temples were distended and pulsing, a testament to the level of fury that raged through his body. “I swear to The Elders, if our parents catch on, it's all your fault.”

Aria’s head hung low as he held onto his upper arm with his opposite hand, attempting to keep it close to his body as if the limb would protect him from the foul words that Thaddeus threw around so carelessly. 

“I-I-I’ve n-never l-lied before. I’m s-so sorry. I’ll work h-harder, I promi -”Aria stumbled back, eyes wide with terror as his desperate plea was cut off by a loud, frustrated grunt and the distinct sound of glass breaking. 

“Dammit!!” Thad exclaimed, his body shaking with the need to take his fury out on something. 

At their feet lay the shattered remains of what was the salad bowl that Aria’s mother spent way too much of their monthly Credits on, a bowl that was gifted to Aria by his mother as ‘good luck’ for the Soulmate Ceremony. 

Although the sight of its remains scattered across the concrete kitchen floor pricked tears in the corners of the small male’s eyes, he also couldn’t help but notice the irony of the situation. 

Because in that moment, Aria’s heart felt like it may as well be shattered right alongside that stupid, stupid bowl.

For a few, blistering moments there was absolutely no movement or sounds to be heard in the strained air between the two, except for the heaving breaths that Thaddeus expelled and the coinciding motion of his shoulders.

Both of their minds reeled wildly;

Thaddeus’ faltering with tumultuous thoughts of how he wanted so desperately to strangle the little Bug in front of him, while simultaneously locking up that tiny, terrifying part in the far back of his skull that couldn’t stop playing that absolutely horrible, absolutely soft kiss on repeat. 

Aria’s flickering on and off as he also attempted to cope with the cognitive dissonance that threatened his sanity. The same sanity that pondered; if this man truly was his perfect match… his Soulmate… 

That if The Elders were really right… Was it supposed to hurt this bad?

“...Why?” 

The ever-soft, but now wavering voice of Aria snapped Thaddeus out of his maladaptive daydreaming, his narrowed eyes shifting up from the shattered dish to settle on Bug, whose head was still bowed down low as if to say a prayer. 

“...Why are you always so mean to me?” 

When Aria finally lifted his head, brown waves cascading like water over his shoulder, what Thaddeus saw almost, almost, cracked the smallest corner of his numb heart. 

Bug’s eyes were filled with tears, bottom lip trembling with fear and nose wrinkling as he tried his hardest to look strong, to hold in that heavy sob that promised to rip right through his tiny body. 

Aria was so vulnerable in that moment, so willingly innocent and raw in front of someone who obviously did not give two fucks about his best interest, a reaction that Thad had never experienced from the countless stupid nerds that he used to bully in Instructional. 

Although the sight before him was, pitifully, not enough to fully break the ever-conceited Thaddeus, it was enough to add to his mounting level of confusion. 

A level of confusion that sent his heavy body falling back into a chair, elbows braced on his knees as he tugged at his tight, black curls, as if the action alone could pull even just a little bit of understanding out of his unseeing brain. 

“... Just.. Just go. Leave.” Thad muttered quietly. 

Thaddeus said this not because he felt particularly bad about the way that he treated Bug - as he still believed that that tiny, annoying man deserved every second of it - but more so due to his concern for his own mental exhaustion. 

Both men were still for another agonizing moment, until the brush of Aria’s soft slippers moving across the floor signaled his obedient exit.

It was only when the door to their Sleeping Pod was firmly sealed that Aria allowed his fractured little heart to let go, ribs bruising at the force of his sobs, sobs which were the only thing to comfort him to sleep in the absence of anything familiar. 

And with a face full of salty water he prayed to The Elders, the only thing he knew for sure that he could count on. 

He prayed that one day he would understand why. 

He prayed that one day, when he finally tried hard enough, that Thaddeus would love him. 

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