I never understood romance and intimacy.

I hate touching or cuddling or anything like that. When reading a book or watching tv, those moments always made me cringe. Sure, I like the idea of romance and do want a relationship; but it's always been so difficult.

First, I'm demiromantic. Long story short, I don't have romantic feelings until I build an emotional bond. Personally, I can find people attractive or aesthetically pleasing, but I don't have the rush to date them or even hook up. I never understood why my friends would have all these feelings for celebrities they didn't even know. All of the people I've liked were friends after I had gotten to know them. 

Second, demiromantic. Similarly, I don't feel sexual attraction until I know the person more and have a bond. One-night stands and hookups are just a strange idea to me. I can't even picture anything like that with a stranger or a celebrity crush. 

The main problem is that I still like guys and I am a female. So by everyone else's standards, I'm heterosexual. Even my brother, who is gay, doesn't think I'm queer.

I've felt forgotten and left out my whole life. I'm the odd one out, the extra. So, when I figured out who I was I thought I could talk to others that understand.

Only, I'm left out once again.

And it's even harder to explain. No, I'm not just saving myself for marriage, I literally do not have the urge at all. Yes, I have feelings and I love people, just not strangers.

It conflicts a lot with our modern society. I'm expected to date, hook up and explore who I am with those around me. But I'm an introvert, demisexual, and demiromantic. How do I tell people I can't go on dates because I feel nothing for the person? That they seem nice but I won't know until I know you?

Before this, all my friendships were people coming up to me. I used to joke with friends that my boyfriend would have to ask me out first because I was shy. Really, I just don't like people until I know them.

So, here's my shout-out. 

Be more understanding of others' struggles and what they are going through. If you saw me at pride with a guy, most would probably guess I was straight and it hurts to have feelings and trauma like that ignored.

If you have a friend who feels like this, try and understand when they say no to things. I love my friends, but there are things I can't do because I don't feel that way. I still love them and hold them close.

If you are part of the ace and aro family, reach out and hopefully, I reached you. Together, we can take over the world.

Try to understand that everyone is different. Two people may have the same hair, skin color, or sexuality but they are not the same person nor will they feel the same way about things. This is the time to love everyone, no matter what. We shouldn't be judging and pushing away those that need our help and love the most.