You know those awful nightmares you have that cause you to sweat so badly even though your body feels colder than ever? Yeah, that’s how I’m starting this story, cold and unconfutable, because then maybe someone who you might have known we wasn’t so perfect, you might just be able to understand, before its too late. Now I’m not saying everyone’s story is the same, far from that, this is a story about struggles, pain, and fear. Everyone is Perfectly Human.

 

Orion: age 12

        It was 6 am, I woke early for the bus this morning, mom had drunk too much the night before to be able to drive me, which was okay for me, I dint really care to hear another one of her lectures about my grades. I was trying, I really was, but nothing ever made a lick of since to me, my teacher once said that I might have a thing called dyslexia, but mom always objected to that. She never really did listen, to her I was her way to make up for whatever she’d done in her life, so in her eyes nothing could ever possibly be wrong. I made my way through the house as silent as I could while getting ready to leave for school, making sure not to wake my mother. Once outside I sat on the tall brick wall that surrounded my house, waiting for the long yellow bus to arrive, the cold morning air chilled me to my core, it was mid-February so hopefully the weather would start to warm up. Spring was my favorite season, the rain mixed with warm air made everything in the world feel okay, just for those moments.

         The bus made its way down to my stop at around 7am, I got on, immediately going straight to the back, to sit with my friend Jay. Though strangely, he wasn’t on the bus this morning, I thought it was odd but didn’t pay it much attention. It was lonely without jay, usually at this time he and I would be playing with Legos on the seats. Whenever I took the bus when mom was hungover, him and I would sit in front of our seat on the bus and play with his Star Wars Legos on the seat, I found true happiness in those simple moments. But today I just sat, staring out the window at the passing trees, houses, and whatever else there was. I arrived to school just before start time, making my way up to class I passed some girls who were making idle gossip, whispering into each other’s ears and looking shocked at whatever the other had said to them, though I did not have any clue what they could be talking about.

          I made it to class, just on time, 7:40am. Looking over to Jay’s seat I did not notice him there, maybe he was sick or something, I mean I hadn’t been able to reach him at all that weekend. Swiftly, my attention was pulled to our teacher, Mr. Clark, as he cleared his throat, ready to address the class, I assumed it was about our upcoming assignment, but the words that left his mouth next would shake me harder than I’d ever thought possible. “Good morning class, I’m...” his voice trailed off a bit before he resumed, “I’m sorry to announce to you all that our fellow classmate, Jay Hawner, has passed away, and we will be holding an assembly to honor his memory.” My head begun to spin, I felt so sick, he couldn’t be dead, he just couldn’t, there must have been a mistake, not him…

           I blankly followed the rest of my class to the gym; I couldn’t hear a word that was spoken. Not until the principle said those horrible words, the words that made me clench my stomach, suicide.

        I can’t remember much about what happened afterword, but apparently, I had passed out, and my mother had come to get me. Once home I locked myself into my room, I couldn’t help but crying, so damn much, my thoughts swarming with thought. Why, why’d he do it? why didn’t he tell me? is it my fault…” the thoughts flooded my head, I gripped so tightly to my hair, trying to make sense of it all. Little did I know at this time, that this was just the start, the start to a life id never even wish upon my worst of enemy. Later that night I was woken up to a loud thud, I wiped the sleep and dry tears from my face, and opened my bedroom door, only to see my mother with another one of her man whores, I quickly shut my door, not wanting to see anymore, I wonder how long that one would last. I stumbled back to my bed, pulling the covers over my head, I wonder why this was happening, why me, why Jay, was God mad at me? Not before long, the sun rose, waking me up, soon when I realized that the sun was already up, I knew I was late for school, I panicked and shot out of bed. But I stopped myself in my tracs, what was even the point of going? Its not like mom will notice if I stay home, she had her whore to take care of today.

         So, I decided to stay home today, I mean what was the point of even trying anymore, ill just have to face the consequences when mom and her new boy toy break up. That’s how everything always happened, mom would go get drunk at a club or bar, end up bringing some guy home, and in the one or two weeks they last, she pays me no attention, no lectures and no driving me to school. Then after they break up, she gets all up in my business again, telling me that she raised a better kid then this, that my grades reflect my future, which I thought to be total bull. I peaked out my room to make sure no one was out in the kitchen, then I made my way over, making sure to be as quiet as possible, then grabbing some left-over Chinese food from the fridge. Chinese food was the best in my opinion, especially pot stickers and chow main, on my way back to my room I grab a for from the silverware drawer. I crept ever so silently back to my room, and locked the door behind me, what was I going to do today, I mean there wasn’t much to do, so I pulled out my sketchbook from under my bed, and a pencil. Sitting in bed now, with the Chinese food sitting between my crossed legs, pencil in one hand, and a fork in the other.

       I could have easily spent all day drawing, I was so zoned into my current drawing, my mind blank from every other thought, this was a good escape for me. Though mother would always yell at me to stop, because my art will never get me into collage, or make me any money, to take care of her in her old age. I think that to her, I was only an investment, but I didn’t really care, I don’t think I actually cared about much to be honest, except for Jay, he lifted me up and cared for me, so I did as well, he made everything seem okay, that our life was to be shaped by our own hands. The thought of jay slipped into my brain, tears, once again, started to fall from my face, he was always so happy, why was this the future he decided to shape, it just didn’t make sense.

       My tears fell onto my paper, making the lines smear, rage overtook my head, and I blindly tore up my sketch book, threw it across the room, then realized what I had done. My face fell into my hands, the tears welled out so fast it stung, suddenly I got up, grabbing my headphones and a jacket, I threw my shoes on quickly and walked right out the front door of my house. I didn’t know where I was going to go, but in that moment, I just needed to get away, go anywhere else.

         I made my way down my gloomy looking street; the cloud had covered the sun that had previously woken me up. I put my headphones in my ears, playing music so loudly so I wouldn’t be able to hear myself think, that was best right now. I pulled my hood over my head and zipped my jacket up, while walking I passed many big pine trees, they all looked as if the could reach the heavens, I wondered if                    that’s where Jay was. A slight drizzle fell over the earth, it wasn’t too bad though, nothing I couldn’t deal with, the street looked so long, so empty, like id never leave this dark forest, but soon enough, I reached town. It was a small little town, those kinds of towns you get born in and rarely leave, the kind of town that seems to have its jaws tightly on you. And it was no sweet little town, where everyone new each other, it was the kind of town where the homeless were everywhere, bars and clubs around every corner, oh don’t forget the prostitutes that littered the motels around here. Honestly that was the best paying job here, and no cops cared enough to stop it. I made my way down the street, this town was dirty, trash everywhere, God I can’t wait to get the hell out of here. As I walked, I see Jonny, he was the kind of kid who smoked and drank, all the kids at school knew about it, hell, even his own parents probably knew, but in a place like this I doubt they gave a shit.

      I walked up to him, the thought of escaping my mind right now sounded quite appealing, I mean what would it hurt to just try it? “Hey Jonny” he looks up from his joint, making eye contact with me. “You want some Prescott?” Prescott was my last name, he always did that, called people by their last name. I nodded my head and sat down next to him, we were in an alley, between two apartment buildings. I took hold of the joint that he had held up to me as an offer, I put it between my lips and took a big puff of it, causing me to break out coughing. “Easy there bud” Jonny had said, laughing, he took it back and took a long puff from it, him and I did this back and forth until it was gone. The two off us were high off our minds, laughing about stupid shit, but it was fun, I completely forgot about all the horrible things that happened. Together Jonny and I got to know each other pretty well, we talked about music and shit like that, he made a lot of stupid dad jokes, but overall, he seemed to be a pretty cool guy.

      After a long time of talking, I notice the time and realize I should probably go home, “hey it’s getting late, I should head home.” I said to him as I stood up and brushed off some dirt I got on my bum. “Alright Prescott, we should do this again sometime, I had fun hanging out with you man” he said to me with a warm smile, “yeah totally.” I say back to him before leaving. I walked back home, feeling a little happier than I did before. I get home a see that mom’s damn ‘boy toy’ was sitting in our living room, I tried to sneak around to my room but he must have heard me, “hey their boyo, have fun at school?” I groaned and walked over to the couch, “it was whatever, why do you care?” all I wanted to do was go to my room and sleep. “Aw now don’t give me that, I was just genuinely curious” he said to me, then he patted the spot next to him on the couch, “Come sit with me, would you?” this gesture made me feel really uneasy so I shook my head “no thanks” I start for my room again but I was abruptly stopped.

    The man who I didn’t even know the name of had pinned me to the wall, I tried to push him away, oh god I tried so hard, things happened that day, things I never want to speak of, something that broke me up inside. I tried to scream, I tried to call for mom, but she wasn’t home, he told me if I ever told anyone, that he would shoot me, and well I believed him, I was just a kid.