I felt Lev move, and I opened a single eye. He turned to look at me, his eyes glazed, and he yawned.

“Whatever the hell you gave me. No, thank you. I don’t think I even know where or when I am.”

I snorted into the pillow I had under my arm. I didn’t even remember grabbing it or even relaxing back into the bed. But I definitely had. Lev stood up, and I opened both my eyes, wondering where he was going.

“Where are you going?”

“Creed and Sasha brought my stuff. I want to make sure it’s all there, and they also brought lunch from Andrei.”

“Oh. Food. I knew I forgot something.”

I was supposed to have stopped by for food. After dealing with Lev. Sitting up, I stretched my arms up before getting out of bed. Lev had made it out of the bedroom and into the hallway. I needed a shower, but the food sounds fantastic, so that’s where I went first. To the kitchen.

Lev was digging through one of two duffle bags on the couch.

“Sit down. Bending over like that isn’t a good idea.”

“Yeah yeah. Got it doctor… hey wait. You’re only twenty-two? How the hell did you get to be a doctor so early?”

“I started medical school at sixteen, almost seventeen, and worked my damn ass off to get through medical school and all the rest of it. And I’ll be twenty-three in a month if that.”

“Hmm. Seems weird you’re so young.”

“You can thank my demanding mother for my qualifications. She pushed for nothing less than the greatest or perfection, if you ask me.”

“I see. That seems about right.”

Checking the fridge, I spotted the containers that came from my dad’s. Lukas had bought them just before I left, claiming they were a nicer set than the ones they had. I couldn’t lie. They were a pretty pleasant set, if you cooked. Pulling them out, there was clearly more than just lunch. There was also a large container of pasta.

“Are you hungry?”

“I could use some food?”

“Before I feed you anything else, are you allergic to anything?”

“No, not that I’m aware of.”

“Alright.”

Grabbing out the smaller bowls, it was soup, homemade. It looked like chicken noodle and I was pretty excited to eat my dad’s cooking again.

“We have homemade chicken noodle soup.”

“Homemade, huh?”

I looked up, after setting the bowls down, and Lev was pointing a gun at me slightly and I panicked before even assessing the situation. I hit the deck.

“Alessio, relax! It’s not loaded.”

“You had it pointed at me! I would not ask!”

“My bad, I was double-checking it.”

“For what!”

“Calm down. The clip isn’t in it, and it isn’t loaded. You can trust me.”

I peaked up over the counter and he showed me the gun, the clip nowhere close to it. And he showed it wasn’t loaded. Slowly, I stood up to my full height.

“Come here.”

“Why?”

“Please.”

“Fine”

Dragging my feet, I made it to the living room, and he handed the gun to me. He showed me again. It didn’t have a clip or any bullets, just like he had shown me moments before.

“I wouldn’t point a loaded gun even close enough to hurt you. Trust me on that “

“Why did you even have it pointed that way, anyway?”

“The kitchen window, behind you, the light is good there and I can make sure after I dropped it when I got stabbed that it is still ok to use.”

“I’m confused.”

“Everything is still straight and in its place.”

“I’ll just pretend I know what you mean.”

He tucked the gun away in a case that sat beside the couch. There were six of them, and it was mildly shocking. More so because he had them in a hotel room. He dug around in the bag and pulled out a few pieces of clothing, before I picked up on a really pleasant spicy scent coming from his bag and all the clothing.

“What is that scent?”

“Probably either my cologne or body wash. They both are scented like this.”

“It’s very pleasant.”

“You’re welcome to it when I leave.”

I just nodded, walking back to the kitchen, not sure what to say to that. I pulled out two bowls, heating ‌the large bowl of soup in the microwave.

I tossed out the old newspaper on the counter from the last time Caleb got the basic groceries, and then opened the fridge to check over everything. It all seemed in date and still good. The microwave beeped, and I carefully took it out, setting it on the counter.

“Come grab some lunch, Lev, you can finish going through all the stuff when you’re finished.”

“Alright.”

He grabbed soup, and we both ate at the small table in silence. After we were both finished, I washed the dishes and went to shower. I needed one in the worst way. I felt so dirty.

The scent of my citrus body wash in the area steamed up by the hot water was so damn pleasant. Scrubbing over the tattoo on my hip, I wanted to show Lev the whole thing since it was large, but it was also in a private spot, sort of. It was roses and other flowers, a bunch of leaves too. They went from my hip down my thigh both from and back. The leaves and vines started under my butt cheek, on the back.

Finishing up in the shower, I walked into the bedroom and snagged boxers. Yanking them up my legs and tossing the towel into the basket. I was still a little wet, so I didn’t want to put any more clothing on yet.

Lev was in the other bag this time. He had a bottle in his hand when he looked up at me. His eyes looked down over my legs and he caught sight of the rest of my tattoo in the front.

“I knew there was more of it.”

“There’s more under the boxers, too. But yeah.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

I moved the boxer up as high as I could in the front before I turned around and did the same in the back.

“Nice.”

“Huh?”

“Nice tattoos.”

“Thanks. I figured you would want to see the whole thing. It might have been easier just to show you while I was in the towel. But this is less exposed.”

“Yes.”

I felt his eyes still on me. I felt more exposed now. Walking back to the bedroom, I grabbed sweatpants and a shirt. After pulling it on, I laid back on the bed. I could easily have gone back to bed, right here, right now. But I didn’t feel like I had accomplished anything at all today. Lev passed by me, into the bathroom with a change of clothing and his shower stuff. The sound of the shower confirmed what I was thinking. He was going to shower.

This was a good time to put new sheets on the bed. I stood up and slowly peeled them off the bed. The sheets, the pillowcases, everything here that still held onto Caleb’s scent. Balling them up, I walked to the laundry room. Opening the washer, I couldn’t stuff the sheets in. I couldn’t do it. I needed to do it.

Swallowing back the tears, I quickly shoved the sheets into the washer and closed the lid. I forced myself to turn the washer on and only opened the lid enough to toss some soap in. My breath was coming out uneven and labored and I struggled not to stop the washer. It was just sheets, for god’s sake, but here I could not stop the tears and trembling over it.

I had done it. That was all that mattered.

I sat down against the washer and it shook against my back as I cried. I felt terrible. All the stress and pain of everything came bubbling up to the surface. I sobbed into my hands, and I was grateful that Lev was in the shower because I couldn’t bear to have anyone see me like this. It was like the washer was all that was keeping me grounded here and not somewhere else in the deepest parts of my grief. My regret. My failure to help when I should have.

Trying to get a handle on my emotions again, I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face with my hands to get rid of all the tears. Evidence of my breakdown. Over laundry.

Standing up, I stepped into the hall.

“Are you ok, Alessio?”

I jumped. Lev was standing outside the laundry room door. Leaned against the wall. I wouldn’t have even seen him if he didn’t speak.

“How long have you been there?”

“Long enough.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you really?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, If that’s what you’re telling yourself, I’ll buy into it for now.”

I didn’t respond to him because I didn’t know what to say; I wasn’t even sure if it was a good idea to respond at all. He was pointing out issues ‌I had, and I didn’t like that.

“Why do you even care? I don’t get it. You don’t even fucking know me.”

He just shook his head, walking away from me. I understood why he walked away though, my tone had been cold and rude.