Faceless, whilst the crunch of an apple satisfies my tastebuds,

While I’m taking away,

Those feelings, 

Wiping that indent of a face away,

I’m still human,

And the longer I’m a wisp, 

A ghost, haunting my neighbor’s dreams, 

The faster these days pass by, 

But I’m still human,

Gravity holding my body to the ground,

Others have left their skin,

They’ve gone to the moon,

But I’m human. 

I’m not sure if I learned anything, 

“He was like mental illness exists, and I was like okay, marry me,”

“God, the bar is in hell” 

Cackles emerge from all of us,

“Do you ever feel there’s no point” 

When high school ends, 

And now all I can feel is the void of something,

It’s funny how nothing can consume everything,

“It’s an exaggeration” 

A lie, on the inside, you’re fine.

My friends are graduating, 

And i’m in high school, still,

“What if I move away, and I have no friends left”

“It’s scary”

But i can’t stand that talk,

Whenever they come back, nothing will change,

I will still be me,

And they still are my friends,

“I just feel like there is no meaning to anything” 

A sense of panic washes over me,

I’ve heard that talk,

I’ve said that talk before,

And what comes afterward is something nobody else should feel but me,

I couldn’t hide the panic in my voice,

Sappiness and things I normally don’t say,

I always hate gift-giving due to this,

Who wants to be there when the gift-receiver needs to crack a smile,

Act like they like the gift,

In a high-pitched voice screech “aww thank you,” 

And I-gift-giver has to crack a smile,

Act like I believed that, 

In a high-pitched voice screech “oh it’s nothing, happy birthday” 

And we laughed after I sappily said “I truly love spending time with you” 

Because how can I not, logically,

Should've said something unique, 

Something life-changing,

But after suffering for a long time I’ve realized it’s not a few words,

It’s many people’s words, as a symphony, 

Over a long period of time,

That’s the support, 

The change was me.

Yet sometimes i realize,

How easy it is to slip down, 

And how easy it is to die,

In the back of my mind,

Just an urge, 

If I get Alzheimer's sometime,

I fear I’ll forget to live,

And my responsibilities which tie me back unravel like the truth,

Uncoiled, excuses, hanging at someone’s feet,

The shadow of my body,

I should get to die last, 

Cold, hanging, 

When all those sashes unravel,

And nothing can hold my body to the ground,

Maybe this is my sickness,

But life on this earth isn’t worth living,

I’ve decided, 

I don’t need to kill myself,

With time,

God and every other matter will break apart this exterior,

Boney, sleepless,

All I wish is to go with peace,

When I can rest, 

I should be given that right at least,

“How’ve you been” 

“Shit,” absolutely shit is my answer,

Not the right one for social occasions,

But in my car, a two-man ride, fifteen minutes, with school on the back burner, 

“Shit, absolutely shit.”

Hehe, a cackle, and two,

There’s something amusing,

Detaching myself from the realities,

And looking, peering from above like a stranger,

Gazing into someone else’s life,

There’s something soothing, wrapping my mind up in a white blanket,

Can you reiterate, “that’s my life circumstance?” 

Therapeutic, emptying, carving the center out of my stomach,

Perhaps taking it with you,

Unfeeling,

This moment, futile to keep,

Like a drug I keep seeking,

Trial and error, through and through,

Stumbling upon it occasionally, 

It’s addicting and mind-numbingly sweet. 

When I remember how it was like, 

Chills roll down my skin,

Like ripples,

Something inhuman,

Inhumane, eyes that wished to gorge themselves out,

I carve circles onto my feet,

It’s distracting.