Shelby had gotten in a box of sample sex toys from a local manufacturer that she was looking into partnering with, and I was going through a series of dildos when my mom called.

            “Yeah?” I asked, wiggling one particularly flexible dildo before dropping it back into the box.

            “When do you get off work?”

            “When I finish working, I guess. What’s up?”

            “Your aunt Sinead’s in the hospital. She went into labor this morning.”

            “Oh shit, really?”

            “Yes. I’m going to the hospital to see how she’s doing. I would like you to stop by the apartment and take Evan’s dog for a walk, because I doubt any of us will have the time. Can you do that?”

            “Sure.” Evan and Sinead had a middle-aged dog of questionable origin, though he was probably had some Shih Tzu in there, based on his general frou-frou appearance and incessant yapping. He also didn’t seem to like me much because he avoided me when I visited, but Sinead insisted he was just slow to warm up to men. “Is Sinead doing okay?”

            “So far, yes. The baby’s two weeks early, but it’ll probably be fine. Evan is the one I’m worried about. He called me twenty minutes ago sobbing.” I could hear my mother’s barely concealed amusement. “Thank God men can’t have babies. I don’t think they’re tough enough to handle it.”

            I wished my mother good luck with her hysterical brother and hung up. I then texted Shelby.

            Can I try out these dildos and have it be considered billable time? I asked and attached a photo of the box.

            Do not try out those dildos, came her response fifteen minutes later. Not until I get to see them for myself.

            I grabbed a short-ish but extremely thick dildo from the box and texted her a picture. Okay well I call dibs on this one later.

            Shelby just sent me back a string of rain drop and eggplant emojis.

***

            I ended up sleeping over at Evan’s apartment because my mother stayed super late at the hospital and Evan’s dog needed watered and fed in the morning. He’d warmed up to a me a little over the course of the evening, enough that he jumped up on the couch next to me when I was settling in for bed.

            “Don’t wanna sleep alone, huh?” I asked him as he laid across my lap. “You and me both, brother.”

            I took a picture of the dog and sent it to Thad.

            Wish this was you.

            You got a dog???? Thad replied immediately.

            No, it’s my uncle’s dog. I’m taking care of him while my aunt Sinead is having a baby at the hospital.

            Aww. Baby!

            I rolled me eyes. Thad was so weird. He’d told me he wasn’t interested in having children, but he seemed to like them far more than I did. I texted, wyd. Isn’t it like one in the morning there?

            Seconds later, my phone rang. Evan’s dog Wyatt picked up his head and gave me a long suffering look before putting it back down on my thigh.

            “Hello there,” I answered.

            “You didn’t tell me your aunt was pregnant.”

            “It’s not really a big deal. I think she’s fine.”

            “Are you gonna babysit it?”

            “God, I hope not. Babies are gross.”

            “You were a baby once.”

            “Yeah, and I’m sure I was gross.”

            “Were you a good baby or a bad one?”

            “My mom always tells me what a good baby I was. I didn’t talk until I was, like, three. After that I never shut up.”

            “I wanna see pictures of you as a baby.”

            “I wanna see pictures of you as a baby.”

            “I was extremely fat.”

            I chuckled, imagining Thad as a very chubby, happy baby. I bet he would have melted even a black heart like mine. I then stretched out on the couch and dropped a hand behind my head with a sigh. “I miss you.”

            “You say that every time we talk.”

            “Because it’s true. It’s bad. Shelby got in a box of dildos today and I found myself looking for one that looked like your dick.”

            Thad blurted out laughing. “You find one?”

            “Not really, but there was one that was a similar shape, so I told Shelby I was gonna keep it once she looked them over. Maybe we can Skype and you can watch me use it.”

            Thad hesitated, but eventually said, “Sure, if that’s what you want.”

            “Do you not want that?”

            “Yeah. I mean… yeah. I’m just…” Thad sighed heavily. “I am good with watchin’. I like that. Though I feel so awkward about respondin’. You’re so confident about all this and I’m… not .”

            “Can’t get better at something without practice.”

            “It ain’t the same as bein’ in the room with you.”

            “Well, duh. But it’s better than nothing, right?”

            “Yeah.”

            I didn’t like the direction of this conversation, because we’d had it before. Thad had made it quite clear to me that a long distance sexual relationship was harder for him than one in-person, and I kept hoping he’d get over it. Maybe I was wrong for pushing, but I was horny and needed something more than simple I love yous and cute conversation. I wasn’t sure how to say this in a way that didn’t make Thad feel bad about himself. I wasn’t blaming Thad, I was just frustrated. His sexual orientation hadn’t really been an issue for us, but I was wondering if it had anything to do with his unwillingness to fuck remotely.

            “I like it,” Thad said after a brief silence. “I like hearin’ you, and watchin’ you. It’s the participation part I struggle with. And you’re probably right, I just need more practice.”

            We had a brief conversation after that, but it was pretty late and Thad had both a class and work tomorrow, so I insisted he hang up. I tried to put the virtual sex thing out of my mind for the moment. I’d worry about it in the morning.