She told him about how anxious she was before she got to know them, and how she worked very hard to find friends when she started this school.

That's why, even though she knew that they weren't good people, Max felt like she would've wasted all her effort and social comfort if she stopped talking or engaging with them.

"It would just be a waste of all my stress and energy, you know......and I would be more anxious." She told him at the end with a sorrowful expression. Yeah, I get it.

The next day, right in front of the school gates, Alex got a message saying that Noah wouldn't be coming. It was too bad, but he thought Max could potentially sit with him during class, if the teachers didn't notice. That would be pretty cool.

He almost reached for the classroom's doorknob when he heard angry shouting inside. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ACTUALLY DOING??!!? WE THOUGHT YOU JUST FELT BAD FOR HIM FOR BEING SUCH A LOSER, BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH."

It was the 'cool' guy, but Alex couldn't recognize which one it is. His aggressive voice felt so scary, Alex's hand flinched. 

"....but what's so wrong with him?" He heard Max's voice, but it was kinda shaky. "Just let him be, please." 

That's enough....  Alex opened the door and eyed the group. They were the only ones in the classroom so far. The guy shouting earlier just gave Alex a killer look and sat down in his chair, turning his head around not to look at him.

Max came to him. "...you probably heard all of that right? .....I'm sorry." She looked like a sad puppy, turning her head down.

"It's fine, I'm good." Alex weakly smiled. "I don't really care for them, and they, and others for that matter, can say whatever they want about me." 

Max sat down next to him. She broke their eye contact. "I wish I was more like you.....to just not care.......I try but.........." She paused for a second. "The intrusive thoughts just win over me every time." She rubbed her face and chuckled. "I guess you don't have a recipe for how to not care right?" 

He reached to pat her hair. "Maybe some vodka would do the trick." 

Max laughed. It was obvious she didn't expect this kind of response. "Yeah yeah, let me just down like 3 shots before class every day, that's it!!" She whipped up her hands, fakily celebrating this amazing discovery. 

Alex watched her laugh. I had to build my confidence over time, you can do it too, you know....

It was like he saw himself in Max in this way, himself with terrible anxiety and fear from last year. "Don't worry." He said to her.

"...yeah, I know, thanks." She was quiet for a second, and then took a deep breath and instead changed the topic to the supposedly 'AWFULLY AWFUL' outfit their PE teacher had on. 

Alex looked out of the window. It was economics, so just second math, too hard and too confusing. So, instead, he was looking out to the school playground, where some classes he didn't know had PE.

Someone caught Alex's eye. It was a guy he didn't know, probably the same grade, and Alex, for some reason, couldn't take his eyes off him. He's so.....pretty....

He looked taller than Alex, maybe even 6 feet tall, with dark hair and an inviting smile. There was this feeling in Alex's chest to just keep looking at him, or he'd miss out. An urge to never stop.

....w-what is this...?? He had a weird weight in his chest, which just kept getting bigger and bigger. Alex hopelessly squeezed the fabric of his shirt just above his heart. 

But, despite all of his feelings of confusion, there was this comfort deep inside. That this was right.

.....am I really...gay?

Before this moment, Alex was just purely speculating over this possibility, because he couldn't find a girl he was even considering having any feelings for. But this felt so much more real, the realization hit him like a truck. He felt like he was gonna cry.

Pull yourself together!! He said himself. I'm in the middle of class....

He forcibly took his eyes off the guy and just started looking at his hands under the table. I can't do this right now. They were shaking so much.

Alex tried to pay attention, to just forget a little bit, but when he lifted up his gaze, he saw one of the class couples holding hands, and the guy wrapping his arm around the girl's shoulder.

This feeling of uncomfortableness filled out his entire being. He tried to imagine himself in a situation like that, but when he did, it just felt so......wrong. Fuck.....am I really....like that?

Alex tried everything to stop himself from silently crying.