“Changed your mind?”
Bastian, who was engaged in preparing a drink, suddenly glazed up. Over the counter, Revie was looking at him smiling, holding the red umbrella in his hand. He had left it next to the entrance door, leaning against the wall. The umbrella he was supposed to give back to him as an excuse to talk again. He did change his mind, indeed.
“I’m sorry”, Bastian whispered, walking away to bring some drinks to a table, and Revie couldn’t get if that was supposed to be an answer to his question, or he was just apologizing for being busy, like “I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now”.
He waited for him with his elbows resting on the counter. It was a peaceful evening, just a few costumers in the pub, and a pleasant background music mixed with some mild talking from the tables. When Bastian was back, he looked surprised that he was still there and looked at Revie like he just turned into a fairy.
“You must know, Bastian, that I am the most stubborn person you ever met.”
Bastian looked around while he was thinking over those words, and avoiding his eyes, he just said: “In the back.”
“Excuse me?”, Revie asked.
“I have a break right now. Let’s talk in the back.” Asa followed him with his eyes and Bastian disappeared behind a limited access to employees door. He smiled, pleased.
Bastian smoked. For some reasons, he wasn’t expecting it, but the smell of cigarettes was nice on him. He walked toward him, stepping on the wet ground.
“I didn’t know you were a smoker” he commented, standing a few feet from him.
“I’m quitting”, Bastian replied, embarrassed. Revie couldn’t ignore how the red light from the EXIT sign was caressing his face.
“Why are we here?”
Bastian sighed, without looking at his face.
“Listen. There’s nothing wrong about you. It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with you, it’s just… not the right moment for meeting new people. I think you might understand.”
Revie tilted his head on the side. Friends?
He laughed. “You realize I am a fag, right?”
Bastian smiled dropped instantly and he tensed when Revie took a step forward.
“I don’t care about being your friend. I am attracted to you” he whispered. He stole the cigarette from his hand and took a puff, staring at his eyes. Blowing the smoke downwards, he put the cigarette between Bastian’s lips and looked at him inhaling from his fingers.
Bastian didn’t say a word, but his cheeks turned red. He took the cigarette back and looked around to be sure no one caught them, like they just did something shameful.
“Is something wrong?”, Revie asked, carefully. “If you don’t like men, or you’re not interested in me, you can say it.”
“It’s not that...” Bastian said, sounding tired. So you like me? “I can’t do these things.”
“You can’t do these things?”
“I am not...”, and looked around again, before proceeding in a low voice. “No one knows I’m not straight. And no offense, but you look… too indiscreet. I have enough problems. And, please, could you not use that word?”
Revie arched an eyebrow, upset. “Which word? Fag?”
“That’s not a nice thing to say.”
Revie chuckled. Welcome here, internalized homophobia. “Why not? Did your father used to call you that way while beating you?”
“Go fuck yourself with that fucking umbrella” Bastian replied suddenly, raising his voice. The words echoed in the street. Asa raised his eyebrows, surprised. Guess I hit a nerve.
“Ah… Are these nice words to say?”, he joked.
Bastian looked away and seemed embarrassed about his reaction. He put out the cigarette on the wall behind him and threw it away in a rubbish bin, a few meters from them.
“So you are discreet”, Revie commented, staring at him. He smirked. “I would never have said that.”
“I am just a private person”, he said, getting defensive. “I don’t want people to know about it and I think there’s nothing wrong about it, honestly.”
“Nothing wrong, nothing wrong. So let’s meet privately.”
Bastian shook his head. “You could tell someone and everyone would know. It always ends this way.”
“Yeah, right, let’s not give people other reasons to talk about you”, he nodded. He didn’t regret telling that, not even after seeing Bastian’s smile, which was nothing positive. He clenched his fists and seemed to be about to hit him. He would have not minded it.
But Bastian didn’t hit or insult him.
“Sometimes you should accept a no, Asa” he said softly.
“I know you want to date me. You think I’m pretty, don’t you?”
He looked away. “I think you’re an asshole.”
“You didn’t answer” Revie said, raising his chin and Bastian kept not replying, revealing the truth. Revie could easily understand when a man was attracted to him and it felt powerful. Having sex with Bastian was going to be easier than he thought, maybe it wasn’t even necessary forcing him.
He stepped towards the barman, who found himself against the wall. Revie approached him carefully, expecting to be stopped or pushed away. He heard Bastian gulping when he leaned forward and licked his lips, with no hesitation.
When he pulled way, Bastian had closed his eyes and his breath was heavier.
“Just tell me to stay away, if you wish” he said, and stroked a strand of his blond hair next to his face. Bastian grabbed his arm, moving it downwards.
“No one has to know about this” he whispered, almost intimidating and two seconds later, he pulled him closer violently. Asa was stunned when he felt Bastian’s lips against his and a hand grabbing his face. Not only Bastian kissed him first, but he also pushed his tongue into his mouth, looking for Revie’s tongue. It was a messy kiss and tasted like ash.
It lasted only a few seconds, until Revie put his hands on his chest and tried to touch downward. He laughed, when Bastian pushed him away and immediately noticed the erection through his pants.
Bastian looked around again.
“Calm down, no one caught you kissing another guy.” Bastian looked back at him.
“About what?” he asked, genuinely confused, but he didn’t reply. He looked tired, shocked and guilty.
“Let’s meet at my house when your shift ends...” he whispered, looking down at Bastian’s pants. “I can take care of that.”
“No.” It was all Bastian said, before suddenly running back inside the pub, leaving him alone.
Revie stared at the exit door. Asshole, he thought and realized he was more aroused than what he expected from a simple kiss. He adjusted his hair behind the ears and took his phone from the pocket of his coat. He opened one of the dating apps. He was going to find someone to have sex with and he was going to think about Bastian while doing it.