Being a dungeon took a while of getting used to. Since there wasn’t anyone around to explain things, he had to examine himself piece by piece.

The outer door was a good start. He found that he could open, close, bolt, and unbolt it. Thankfully, from what it looked like, he wasn’t going to have to do much of that. The being of light had kept her word. As far as Theo could tell, he was within a small hill in a valley surrounded by impenetrable mountains on three sides and a thick thorny forest on the fourth. There were no villages, burrows, nests, or even bee hives in the entire area, ensuring idyllic calm.

Connected to the entrance was Theo's first room—the entrance. It wasn’t much of a room containing a crude wooden table, with two chairs, an iron chandelier with a dozen burning candles, and a single bear trap that would need someone to be blind to fall in it.

Adjacent to the entrance hall was what was supposed to be a guard room. Instinctively, Theodor knew that this was the place from which all dungeon minions were supposed to spawn. For the moment, the only creature he had the power to summon was a Skeletal digger.

Normally, a dungeon would spawn a digger as quickly as possible and send it to dig further down in search of minerals and precious metals to be converted into energy. Theodor, however, had no such intention. He found that both his size and simplicity were ideal to achieve his goal of doing absolutely nothing. Many times, in his previous life, he had dreamt for such a day, and it was here.

The final chamber was the treasure room. In it was a plain, insignificant chest that held Theodor’s soul, or in dungeon terms, his “core.” If it were to be damaged or—more likely—stolen, his life as a dungeon would end, and he’d go straight back to another reincarnation session with the lady of light. Needless to say, that would be a catastrophic outcome. Theo had fought hard to obtain a life of eternal procrastination and had no intention of allowing it to come to an end. And just to be on the safe side, he closed and bolted the door, then spawned a skeletal digger to push the table in front.

“Perfect,” Theo said, his words echoing throughout his rooms.

The skeleton looked up, blue flames glowing in his eyes, then went back to the nearest chair and sat down.

“Aren’t you the lazy one,” Theo noted. Back in his previous life, that would have set him off on a shouting spree that would continue for minutes, until his blood pressure rose to the point that he had to sit down. Here, he found that he didn’t care in the least. “That’s good. Just sit there and do nothing.”

Spending close to an hour to “close” his eyes, Theo finally got the hang of it and went into a deep snooze. For the first time since he could remember, the former man could say that he experienced true bliss surrounded by nice soft soil, and most important of all, far from interrupt—

Rap! Rap! Rap!

An annoying set of sounds broke Theo’s train of thought, causing him to wake up. His immediate reaction was to try to jump to his feet—a habit acquired from the years of crunching and sleeping at work. Since he was a dungeon, however, the only thing achieved was to toss all the furniture about, like a horror movie poltergeist.

“What’s going on?!” he shouted.

The skeleton digger—who was pinned to the ceiling of the main hall due to Theo’s sudden actions—just shrugged.

Rap! Rap! Rap!

“There!” The chandelier pointed in the direction of the door. “What’s that noise?”

The skeleton stared blankly forward, then shrugged again.

“Some good you are,” Theo grumbled. Of course, he’d end up with a minion that’s stupid. “Well, don’t just hang there! Get down from the ceiling and go check.”

The skeleton’s head tilted slightly forward, expressing what was supposed to be interpreted as an airless sigh. Then, with extreme reluctance, pushed himself off the ceiling only to crash on the stone wall, breaking down to a pile of bones.”

“Don’t give me that!” Theo shouted. “I know you’re fine.” As the one who had created the digger, he was fully aware that his minion hadn’t perished in the fall. However, even he had to admire the creature’s ingenuity when it came to avoiding work. “Get yourself together or I’ll force you to spend the next week digging for resources.”

The threat had an instant effect. The scattered bones quickly assembled, and a fully functional skeleton pulled the table away from the entrance and opened the door. Bright light poured into the hall, blinding Theo to the point that he slammed the door shut again… throwing his minion out in the process.

Ouch, he thought. That was rather unfortunate, even if the skeleton deserved it. Still, since Theo didn’t want to waste energy on creating another skeleton, he cracked the door open just a bit. This time, the light didn’t seem as bright. Encouraged, Theo opened it further and further, until he was able to see his surroundings. For the most part, the valley seemed unchanged since the last time he had seen it, with one major difference: a scurry of rather large squirrels with sharp teeth had disassembled Theo’s minion and were gnawing on the skeleton’s bones.

“What in the world is that?!”